How would you have dealt with this?

Question

My sister in law has gives in to her spoiled 3 year old daughter. We all went out this weekend to a car show. I brought along my 20 month old's stroller. My daughter might have got to use it for 30 minutes. My niece had climbed in it while my daughter and I were in the bathroom. I asked her to go ahead and get out and let her cousin have it back. She pitched a fit, and started to scream. Her Mom did nothing to help me get her out of the stroller. I had planned on letting my daughter snack and drink a juice box. I asked her again telling her she was a big girl and could walk, again she started in with her screeching, and whining. Her Mom told me she just doesn't want to, then said if I had to have the stroller her brother could carry her around. I told her no, that he didn't need to carry her around. She needed to be a big girl. Instead of her getting her daughter out she strolled off with all my daughter's stuff. I had to carry my daughter around, while I looked for them.

Needless to say we never got the stroller back, we didn't get to enjoy the car show. I was really upset that she didn't do anything about her daughter, her niece needed it more.

Answer 1

WOW! I respect you for not making a problem about it, and for taking it so calmly, that speaks very highly of you.
Maybe you should try to stop going out with her as much, I know she's family, but if she's not going to respect you and your baby, it's not worth the hassle. If you go out with them again, call her ahead of time and remind her to take her daughter a stroller. You could also go get her a cheap umbrella stroller, and tell her that you thought that she didn't have one and you got her one so that she can use next time they go out.
I think I would have done the same thing you did, that's the type of person I am, and since I never say anything people tend to take advantage of that, and then when I actually say something, they get offended.
Your daughter comes above everything, you have to watch out for her and what is most comfortable for you and her, next time make sure you voice your opinion on the situation, it does not matter if they get offended, they'll get over it, just like they probably expect you to get over this.
Unfortunately the brat is not to blame, is her mother, just take this as a learning experience, that way you will raise your little girl to be a well mannered respectful little girl, teenager, and woman. This will speak wonders of her and the wonderful job you did raising your daughter.
Good luck, and once again, congratulations for being such a calm person, and showing the type of person that you are.

Answer 2

If you're prepared to make a big deal of this, keep the cousins apart. When/if SIL notices, explain that her daughter's behavior is not a good example for your daughter and you must consider your child's welfare first.

Actually, your best move would have been to put a hand on the stroller and wait (in the nicest way--"Oh, no, I'm not ready to go until Lacey can get into her stroller.") to move it or you or your child until the niece got out. Instead, you turned it into a power play so that the niece got tosee her mother take her side against an adult. I don't think the brother would have carried her long, but you didn't have to get involved. Getting the stroller back was your business, telling her that her daughter had to walk wasn't.

BTW, why didn't you have your daughter walk part of the time after the stroller theft? SIL probably didn't feel bad that you had to carry her, but might have if she saw baby walking.

Answer 3

I would have told the mother that you intended on bringing the stroller for your daughter and if her daughter wanted to sit in a stroller she should have brought her own. I had a similar situation happen with me last year with my son's stroller only difference is was the kid was a total stranger. I took my son with my husband and a friend to the st louis zoo. I had my son out of his stroller for him to stretch his legs and also to see the animals a little better. My friend was by the stroller when all of a sudden I hear my name called turn around and here is this little girl (I would say no more than 2 or 3) sitting in the stroller. Apparently she got lost and decided that our stroller was the best spot to stay till her dad came and got her. I didn't mind that at all but my son sure didn't like anyone else using his stroller (he was only 14 months at the time).

Answer 4

I would have picked my 3 year old up and made her walk. allowing co-dependance is just not tolerable for me. Ihave 8 nieces,and I would have said youre getting out of that stroller whether you like itor not.. god gave you feet, now use them,and not cared what my brother and his wife said, and in which neither of them would have allowed that to happen in the first place, but you should call your brother about this or husbands brother,which ever it is and talk in the open. youre family and will always have to see each other somewhere or another.print out some issues on Co-dependance and send them to the parents in the mail unmarked if thats the way you would want to do it, you can find some at parenting.com. co-dependance is when the parent cares more how they feel than the child, guilt plays alot of role in that,and therefore makes other people not like being around that child. That child has been taught that this is ok,and she knows no different and her parents are at fault for making people dislike her. good luck on this one honey.

Answer 5

They both sound like a couple of spoiled brats who are way to used to having their egos indulged.

Like one person said, don't go anywhere with her.
Tell her to get her own stroller, next time and just remove the kid.
Are you supposed to coddle her child and her as well?
I really can't imagine the nerve or arrogance of this woman to thing that she could just stroll off with your kid's stroller.

Don't worry about what she thinks or says (you know no matter what, she will make herself and daughter out to be the "innocents" in the situation anyway, these types of people always do).
You've got my sympathies.

Answer 6

ok, if this was your sister in law and you are a close family, or even if you aren't close, I would have picked the little girl up out of the stroller and let her scream! It was your stroller. If she didn't want to carry her 3 year old then she should have brought her own! Honestly, what would she have done about it? Got mad?!?!?!?

Answer 7

Never leave any doubt of your intentions or what you mean about something you say. Be more direct than the bad child.
Do not move from that point until you have what you want. Let the parent move the child but you control your property.
This is an adult world. Children must be trained. I see so many kids now days that wont have a chance as an adult. The prisons are already full.

Answer 8

It's not a perfect solution (like your sister-in-law disciplining her own child) but I would always make it a point to treat your neice like you would your own child. This means that you will have to act like her parent when you are around her but there are a couple of payoffs for this: Your daughter will understand that that behavior is NEVER okay(very important), your neice will at least respect what you tell her to do(important), and if your sister-in-law takes offense you will be able to explain to her that children need to have limits and maybe she will listen(useful). Chances are she will defenitely see how much better her daughter is for you and ask your advice then you have the freedom to offer all of your opinions in a helpful way and maybe prevent your neice from growing up to be a terror. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Honestly if it was me (and this has happened with my brother in law's girlfriend) I would have taken the little girl out of the stroller and told her mom to deal with it. My"sister in law" has done this and other things like this to me too many times and I have come to terms with it that she is just lazy and does not want to discipline her child. And to me it seems like that is what your sister in law is like also. The last time something like that happened (which was almost the same thing only at the park on one of mine and my childrens walks) it was me,my 3 yr old daughter and my 3 week old daughter,My sister in law and her 5 yr old son and her 8 month old daughter. I had my double stroller so when my 3 yr old got tired(she is very short lol and has little legs) she could just jump in and ride in the stroller with her sister. Well I went to change my 3 weeks old diaper and her 5 yr old son jumped in the stroller with my 3 week old when I put her back in it and would not for anything get out of it. Well my little girl said she was tired so I told him that he had to get out of it and let his cousin have it and this little boy is the whinniest kid I've ever encountered in my life(he also screeches like a little girl only louder) so I told my sister in law that she needed to get him out and all she did was tell him very calmly that he had to get out,he started with the whining and she just started walkin off like it was nothing. So I once again asked him to get out of it and when he kept his whining up I had to remove him from the stroller because his mom was half way down the path and still going, I wasn't mean about it I just picked him up and placed him on the path and let him continue to whine...and honestly if your sister in law is anything like mine(which it seems to be in a way) then you are gonna have to enforce the rules around her daughter or else keep dealing with this kind of behavior because it never ends trust me I have been dealing with this bullshit for 5 yrs now and she still hasn't come to terms with being a parent comes responsibility. Hope I helped a little bit

Answer 10

Well I probably would have gone off on her. The thing is with in laws is that you have to put your foot down. Once you do it it's over with. If they get upset and never talk to you again, then oh well, it's better than having to deal with her bullsh*t all of the time. You need to just tell her what's up and end it now. Sometimes people just don't get hints. Being nice and trying to say things in a round-a-bout way just doesn't work for some people.