What would you do if your rather spoiled teenage daughter....?

Question

borrowed your credit card to go online and buy you some Parenting lessons!

I'd like for my Daddy to modernize his parenting. Some of my concerns:

1) Not letting me have e-mail, Facebook or MySpace
2) Overreliance on threats of corporal punishment for backtalk and getting in trouble at school
3) Holding me to a clothing budget
4) Forcing me to go to boarding school this fall.
5) Demanding to do a "wardrobe inspection" before I go out.

Thank you and good day!

Thank you Wabby and Victoria,

I think you both had EXTREMELY good answers.

Thank you and good day

Victoria - you are right, he would probably be EXTREMELY upset and would TAN my butt.

Personally I don't think my brother and sister turned all out that great, and my daddy knows I am the smart one, albeit rather spoiled. One day when I go school and get an email I'll tell you about it, Thank you and good day.

Welcome Back Emawee!!! This is EXTREMELY exciting to see you back, we were worried.

I think Herbie's Man leaves a lot to be desired. Herbie could do a LOT BETTER than that.

Thank you and good day.

Some EXTREMELY good answers came from:

Wabby
Keltimes
Ionian23
Herbie
Gussie
Emawee
Victoria the multi-talented actress, etc..

Thank you and good day.

Answer 1

Lori, I don't believe he needs parenting lessons but you should talk to him.

You're 16 and very mature for your age. Explain to him how MySpace works. That you can only communicate with people who you accept as a friend. Also explain that he's only hearing the bad stories about these sites and Myspace and Facebook will let you communicate with your friends. Also, living in the year 2007, email is very important.

You are very smart so please use that to your advantage. Don't get yourself into trouble unnecessarily. Be polite to everyone, it will get you so far in life.

You have a part time job so you have money of your own to spend on clothes. Also your father should supply you with clothing. But remember that you earn your own money.

The boarding school one is hard. He doesn't really have too many options. But I'm sure you will fit in well there and you'll have a great time. Just work hard and make heaps of new friends.

The wardrobe inspection is a bit silly. You're 16 and I believe that is old enough to make your own decision about your body. But dress class, not skanky and cheap (I'm not saying you do btw) Remember either boobs or legs showing. Not both when you're wearing the same outfit.



Just remind your father that you're a young woman and you would like to be treated like that and be allowed to make some decisions.

Have a nice day.

Answer 2

I would probably smile if my daughter bought me parenting lessons. I can say this knowing it is the truth because I actually told my mother how to look after my oldest daughter.My mother raised 8 children .What could I possibly tell her that she didn't already know. My mom just took my list of instructions and looked at me with a knowing smile.Most parents are concerned about the dangers on the inter-net so your dad is not unique in that respect.I think a clothing budget is realistic since a person can only wear so many clothes and at least for me one outfit at a time.I think you said that your dad was going overseas so he feels the need to know you are in a safe and structured setting while he is away.I have never been to boarding school so I can't really comment on it.However,like anything in life, what we gain from an experience is based on what effort we put into it.I start off each day being thankful I even woke up ( many people did not) and I just figure,already it's a great day.As long as my daughters were covered up then they could wear what they wanted.There were some weird fads then too such as wearing 2 different coloured shoes , cutoff shorts that were way too big and then cinched in at the waist with a belt.I refused to spend the money for pants to be cut off and she had to spend her own money on this.There was also a fad where the hem of the pant was cut and the pant was then pinnedto the side with safety pins. These fads were all harmless and allowed her to express herself.I might add,that in order to express herself she had to spend her money on the fad not me. Someday you will appreciate how loving your dad is.Be thankful he sets parameters for you.Check out the teen section and look at the young people who don't have a loving parent.Take care

Answer 3

Well, you certainly made the right first step. You admitted you are the problem. Way to go.

1) Stop being a spoiled brat. You may think it is cute, but I can assure you that you are the only one who does.
2) When I backtalked my parents at your age, I ended up on my butt
3) Wow, a clothing budget huh - with whose money? His?
4) "Forcing" you to go to boarding school. Perhaps there is a genuine reason for this like - maybe they can offer discipline and structure that he feels you are lacking.
5) As for the wardrobe inspection - you better believe it. Why show everything? You really think that's cool?

In short - get over yourself hon. The best guys don't care how hip your clothes are, respect girls that actually cover themselves instead of flaunting it and most want girls who have manners, can stay on a budget (especially with other people's money) and don't have a mouth like a sailor.

Your dad has your number girl and he is holding you accountable for your actions.

I would only be concerned if he didn't care enough to "inspect" you or monitor your actions. Be thankful your father loves you as much as he does.

Answer 4

Solution: meet him halfway. Diplomacy makes you look more mature, anyway.

Some of your bullet points are reasonable parenting behaviors (that is, have shown to be effective in changing behavior and protecting your children from themselves), and some are not. SO: offer the following...

1. Email, Facebook and MySpace - with the threat of online predators, this is a reasonable thing for non-tech savvy parents to be afraid of. The best way might be to teach your father exactly what you plan to do with these things. Email today is becoming a necessity, rather than a luxury, especially in school. Prevention of a personal email account seems a little much, but that's his decision. Facebook/Myspace can be protected - show him how you plan to use it, and how it can be limited to certain 'invitees'. BARGAIN: you get to have email and EITHER Facebook or MySpace, and he gets to decide how many hours per week you spend on it. Expect him to enforce this, and don't be a big baby about it when he does.

2. Corporal punishment - this simply doesn't work, so you might as well tell him that neither empty threats nor actual spanking are effective in modifying behavior. BUT, you can't backtalk either. If you do something wrong or stupid at school, you SHOULD be punished somehow. Offer a reduction of hours on Myspace. Backtalk = no Myspace for the month. You get the idea. The whole point of 'punishment' is to get you to STOP backtalking. If you don't change, then the punishment ain't working.

3. Clothing budget: Erm - that's a good idea. Score one for dad. You SHOULD have a budget, and learn to use it. It will make you richer in the long run, and who doesn't want that? If you 'borrow' (steal) his credit card to purchase anything (including fictional parenting lessons) you absolutely should be punished, 'cause that's what happens in the real world, isn't it?

4. Boarding school: Hmm - this is the decision of your parent. BARGAIN: no trouble at school at all for one year = no boarding school. Basically, you have to prove to him that you're mature enough to trust. And do it in one big 'ol hurry. If boarding school is being thrown around, then you're skating on REALLY thin ice.

5. Wardrobe: This is absolutely acceptable for him to do. Deal with it. And, you will have to change if he decides so. HOWEVER, you might be able to meet him halfway again. Find out what his criteria are for
unacceptable, and then work within that. Things like makeup, hemline and neckline length, piercings, hair and what can be visible and what can't are all criteria that can be met by you. If you follow guidelines you both agree to in advance, it gives you the chance to dress in a way unique to you while preventing him from unfair blanket statements like: "You look like a tramp" or whatever. Remember, neither dressing unkempt or like a complete turboslut make you look mature or trustworthy, and you need to appear as both if you're going to get him to lighten up on you.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Well, If I had a teenage daughter, and she "borrowed" my credit card for parenting lessons, she would be getting a job to pay me back for "Borrowing" my credit card.
I wouldn't be happy about that, and I would be less likely to give in to her 'demands'
First of all, I would try talking to your father. If that doesn't work, I would ask your mother to be the voice of reason.
Try earning your father's respect, and possibly he would be more willing to allow you some more freedoms.
Even though it is hard to do sometimes, don't backtalk. Don't get in trouble at school.
Maybe he is holding you to a clothing budget to teach you the value of money.
About the wardrobe inspection, possibly he wants to make sure you look presentable. What type of clothes do you wear? If I had a daughter who was wearing revealing clothing, she'd not be allowed out. That may be considered by some a wardrobe inspection.
Does your father think the boarding school will give you a superior education?
I know it's frustrating, but I believe every parent has His/Her child in their best interest.
Maybe he believes allowing you to use Facebook/Myspace will allow for internet preditors to some how contact you. It's all over the news. Possibly he feels like he'd be a bad parent to allow you to use those sites.
I hope this helps a little in seeing your father's side of the story.
He may seem like a dictator to you now, but I believe he loves you more than you could EVER imagine.

Answer 6

apparently your parents have already failed at raising you. I don't think they should inspect your wardrobe before you go out. If you want to dress like a whore go ahead if you get knocked up you don't have to worry about boarding school and a decent education you can just hop on welfare and be EXTREMELY destitute, bad things happen to spoiled ungrateful children. My girlfriend thinks the world of you I feel your personality leaves a lot to be desired. unless you plan on being a leech for the rest of your life I feel you may be unprepared for the real unfair things that will undoubtedly come to fruition. This is constructive criticism. I 've been reading your questions for months and feel you need a change in your life . Good luck

Answer 7

oh, god, sorry lori, he was mad at me yesterday, and remember when my account was suspended a month ago or so, I had to use his account to get back to your account so I could add you onto my back up account. You can block him if you want to, he doesn't know how to do it. lol. He got on my *** about our boys cause the 9yr old is getting an attitude.
You should be grateful that your daddy is involved in your life and actually cares, and that he shows it. My dad wasn't ever home, he was at the bar or working all week 500 miles away We never talked unless I was having problems with math, which was his speciality, to which he's call me a dumb effin kid.
. Your daddy just needs to know that you are safe from any kind of harm. His way of love is protecting. The only rules are 1 and 2 that i strongly disagree with, the others are ,ehhh, kinda ok, but there could be wiggle room He love you too much is all. And you may see it as a curse, but its better than being mentally abused and never feeling loved.

Answer 8

Wow....no offense, Lor, but I think I'd lose it. Especially considering your dad WOULD lose it. I'd be pissed at my kid and probably really concerned about myself as a parent.

I will agree with you that your daddy is inordinately strict. And I will agree that it's kind of unfair that you can't have email, facebook or myspace. However, I also feel that he is really trying to do what's best for you. Meanwhile, look at Jillian and Mark. How have they turned out? Just realize that he wanted everything to be good for you. Most dads are like this.

When you're in boarding school, couldn't you get facebook, myspace and everything else??

Ok, so don't buy parenting lessons. He'd like--kill you.

I decided that you can have my email address: secondary; once we get in touch I'll give you my main. It's [e-mail].

Good luck Lori!!

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Answer 9

sounds like you'll be in trouble.You should never, EVER use credit cards without permission especially with all the fraud out here. You just described a concerned father.....they are actually hard to find these days......some kids dont get clothing budgets, so you may actually be very lucky......boarding school may be his way of feeling like he's giving you a better oportunity for you to focus on school and could also be his way of being over protective.....same thing with the myspace. So many people are trying to meet people they met on myspace, that probably why he doesnt want you to have it....he doesnt want you to be abducted. its usually the ones who think they wont be who end up getting targeted by perverts and killers. ............Just sounds like he's trying to protect you and has your well being in mind. cant really stop him from doing that. he wouldnt be able to forgive himself if something happened to you....i'm sure

Answer 10

all the points except #2 are valid.

1)You don't NEED facebook or myspace for survival
3)how much clothes do you really need? I am not going to allow you to COMPETE with your whole school for the "best" clothes -->Best in a teen's mind usually means OVERPRICED.
4)TOO MANY teens are getting pregnant before their senior year of high school.......there are good reasons to put a kid (not saying male or female, just most kids) into private school.
5)Ok, as my daughter, you will not go out of the house dressed like slut. you will maintain your self respect. The only reasons for such type of clothing is to attract the male of the species and usually this attraction is NOT for the purpose of having a hamburger at the fast food joint down the street.

As for using MY credit card to try to tell me how I should raise a daughter....you wouldn't see outside until you were 18...and only for school!