My boyfriend is letting his cousin's 12 years old daughter staying with us for two weeks while his cousins go to visit a relative. I'm fine with this, she's really nice, a fun, and good kid. So I have no problem with this at all.
But yesterday I was really sick so I was in the bed for most of the day. At one point I got sick of staying in the bedroom most of the day. So I got up and walk out of the bedroom and my boyfriend and his cousin was sitting on couch watching movie. He saw me coming so he stand up and come to me and hug me then ask what is wrong. I just told him I want to get out of the bed room for a bit. So he lift me and carry me to the couch and wrap blanket around me then sit down and cradle me. Since I wasn't feeing well, I didn't really feel like talking so I let him do it.
He normally do thing like this, so it's not a big deal. But his cousin was there so I feel kinda embarrassed about it. How do I gently let my bf know about this?
2007-07-22 12:30:23 · 14 answers · asked by cfrei8 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
BTW it's pick up and cradling me part that sorta of embarrassed me, not the hug and check on me part.
2007-07-22 12:31:08 · update #1
what is the matter with you? are you so distant emotionally that you cannot gracefully accept such a beautiful act of love and kindness in front of someone, even family? Honey, you are really needing to adjust your priorities.
2007-07-22 12:35:28 · answer #1 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I hope nobody will ever lift me, carry me and cradle me when I’m sick because then I would surely puke with all that moving around (I’m prone to motion sickness and just thinking about it makes me a little nauseous!).
But I know this is not your problem, your problem being that you felt embarrassed because you were not alone which is understandable, after all, you are entitled to your own feelings, even if some people would not agree with how you feel (and they are entitled to their own feelings too). Some people needing love, affection and tenderness will certainly feel jealous about you having those and then complaining about it so you have to forgive them if they seem a little harsh towards you and just feel lucky you have such a nice boyfriend.
But you’re right, you have to let your boyfriend know how you feel because having good communication is the key to a healthy relationship. I’m sure, since he’s a guy, he has absolutely no clue that he did anything wrong.
I think the first thing you should do is not make a big deal out of it…like…”I need to talk to you, let’s sit down…there’s something that’s been bothering me…blah…blah…blah…”. Maybe you should just forget about this whole thing that already happened but make sure it does not happen again by reacting while it’s happening, even if you don’t feel like talking at that moment. You could just say, with an apologetic tone (like YOU’re the one doing something wrong) “sweetie, this is so nice but I’m a little embarrassed…”.
Don’t be afraid to express your feelings when those occur. Your boyfriend is not a mind reader, this is why language was invented, I guess.
2007-07-22 13:10:20 · answer #2 · answered by Howard 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just tell him exactly like that. Let him know first how much you appreciate how considerate he is. (you are lucky, a lot of guys bail when their woman gets sick). Tell him how much you love his hugs and his concern. But then tell him you would prefer if he keeps more intimate displays (like the cradling etc..) to more private times. Let him know that you realize he didn't mean to embarass you but you would rather he didn't do that stuff in front of others. Then tell him how much you love him and thank him for all he does.
This "sandwich" technique (praise, correction, praise) is a really good way to communicate your feelings with someone. Anyone from co-workers to spouses to kids and relatives. It really works. Start on a positive note, then tell what the problem is, offer the solution then end on a positive note.
2007-07-22 15:08:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
we all learn how to conduct relationships by observing those around us. From your reaction, we might guess that your parents didn't show a lot of affection in public. Affection is indeed a healthy thing, so allowing your cousin's 12 year-old daughter see you being carried to the couch is healthy, not the opposite. As adults we do have to consider what message our behavior is giving. You are responsible to have considered this. This incident is not too personal, just wonderful for you and those around you.
2007-07-22 13:15:59 · answer #4 · answered by Jeanne B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you should be embarrassed that he shows his affection for you in this way. She is 12 years old. She can handle that.
If it really makes you uncomfortable just tell him that while you love him and his attention, you are concerned about making a good impression on his cousin and are unsure that the carrying around is the most appropriate gesture for her to witness.
2007-07-22 12:34:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, you would tell him the truth.
"Honey, I was so uncomfortable when you picked me up and cradled me in front your cousin. I know that you were trying to be helpful, but for some reason I felt like it should have been private. It isn't your fault, I should have let you know right then that wasn't what I needed. But thanks for caring about me. I feel really loved."
End of story.
2007-07-22 12:40:55 · answer #6 · answered by plastic 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think of it became somewhat cute that he picked you up and wrapped a blanket around you! Aww...<3 The cradle ingredient...properly, yeah, perhaps somewhat awkward in front of others. tell him which you think of human beings will locate if unsightly if he does stuff like that throughout the time of front of them...cradling, I propose. yet that hugs and so on are somewhat impartial, so it gained`t difficulty every physique. or maybe extra beneficial. do no longer pass out of your room once you're ill :D yet interior the top, be satisfied you have one among those worrying and delightful boyfriend :) i comprehend many envy you:)
2016-10-22 09:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If its something you don't like you should just tell him that it was inappropriate of him to do in front of the 12 year old. I personally don't think there was anything wrong with it though. In a way, by watching him, she was getting an idea of how her future bf should treat her when she is sick. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
2007-07-22 12:36:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Quit whining! I had to go to work because my husband didn't think I was really that sick, puked all during my shift because my manager thought I was faking it until I puked into a plate that I was about to serve and then he graciously let me leave 10 minutes early only to get home and have to cook for my husband and then, I was able to go to bed by myself and NO cuddles or poor babies were spoke!
2007-07-22 12:37:23 · answer #9 · answered by Julia B 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Honestly You are behaving worse than a spoiled 7 years old. I don't see anything wrong with this. You need to appreciatte he did this for you. You will be rude by talking to him about his care. If you don't want him to do this, stay in the room and don't act like a Barbie. You don't deserve the care given.
You should let him go to a girl who will apreciatte him.
2007-07-22 12:52:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋