if youve had a past of being bullied and victimized and always caring what people thought of you, how in the?

Question

present do you take on the mentality of not caring anymore what people think about you, and not allowing yourself to be victimized or bullied anymore?
would it mean going against your own nature? or people could say you were trying to be something your not?
how do you convert to the stronger minded mentality?

especially if you still feel like a victim and dont have any confidence and belief in yourself...
how do you do it?

im 30 years old have bpd not bi polar and waiting for therapy

Answer 1

well, i'm pretty much the same as u... i had problems with bullying going back to when i was about 12, until i left education when i was 18.

things got better for me when i got a job, and a place of my own to live in... my work colleagues didn't know my past, so i felt like i could start afresh.

it's not all good though, i still struggle with my self esteem, and flashbacks of the bullying that i went through. i've also had a couple of nasty bouts of depression, mainly brought on by low self esteem, and lack of confidence. it's also made me a very distrustful person, and i have difficulties in making new friends.

i wish i could say that i don't care what people think of me, and to be honest, i do come across as not caring about that kind of thing, but underneath the mask, it still hurts like hell, and i will mentally beat myself up over it for ages afterwards.

I've been through 2 lots of counselling, and although i fully understand why i am like i am, it really hasn't changed my character, and i still struggle to come to terms with it all...

personally, i think it's very unusual for people to be able to change from being a very introvert person, to being one who is self confident and unaffected by other peoples criticisms. still, people like us have to keep on trying to move forward with our lives... otherwise the bullies have won.

Answer 2

Hi coop,

You have had some good advice from what i have read and people including me can identify with at least part of what you are feeling, the only thing i can add is that, u said you are waiting for therapy? well ok u r hurting now but give this therapy a shot, you may be surprised cos it's very clever stuff and can chip away at your belief system with a little work and time and once you at least partly change one aspect of what you think you may see a little daylight...then u r on the ladder.

Best wishes and never stop fighting

Dave

Answer 3

I have been victimized (by the ones who were supposed to care the most), bullied (by my peers) and always cared what people said and thought about me. I always felt powerless and tortured.
When I was 18 things changed, the most influencial bully in ky life, left my life (my father). And I pulled my head up and began facing things and putting them behind me, if they didnt like me, oh well, someone else did. It hasnt been an easy road, and I have mental health probs as well too. But I did fond people in my life who were supportive of me.

Those two factors: the person who tortured me and treated me the worst and having ppl who really supported me are what helped. Couseling is a good start, it will help identify the biggest hurdles and what you can do about it.

Answer 4

Devote your life to caring for other people. It is one major way to get over or at least balance or avoid the borderline personality disorder behaviors. Caring for other people will help you to see things from other perspectives and in the process, situations will arise that will teach you to have the strength you speak of. I don't know if you'll ever "change" to someone you're not already, but you can make use of your ways for the betterment of everyone in your life. It doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Bullies will always be around for some people, but as you go out and do what you're meant to, someone will always stand up for you the way you stand up for others. It's okay to let someone else stand up for you sometimes when you are about to cry. Accept it and don't be embarrassed. Try to learn from what they did and do it yourself next time too. DO IT FOR OTHERS TOO. :-)

Use your mouth, your actions to prevent problems, nip them in the bud. Some people will walk all over you if you let them, but when they see you have another side to you that's not good to mess with, (just a subtle hint of it is all that's necessary) they will at least know they'd better change their plans with you!!

Answer 5

You never get to the point of not caring, it is always in the back of your mind. If you ever lose the ability of wanting others around it is time for you to go EAST for you have nothing to live for. I know for I have crossed the line once and nearly went EAST. An old saying, 'No man is an island' which is true as much as you want not to care what others think, you do. It hurts, even more than you want to admit.

Answer 6

If somebody at work is hassling you, and you can rat them out, by all means, do it. I did it to a punk for threatening me, and he got written up for it--HA,HA! When you take action, that's when people know not to **** with you. For some, words are either inappropriate or just not enough.
When I was a kid, a fist to the face was how I dealt with a bully. It's not much different now--stand up for yourself. You don't have to stand tall, but you have to stand up. What you do is up to you, but be sneaky if you do anything. . . .

Answer 7

all I can say is its a long road and your obviously making the first step by waiting for therapy, i'm sure as you grow as a person your self belief will grow too and possibly make you stronger emotionally. Dont let the bullies set the pace for the rest of your life, its a long life dont let them win.

Answer 8

I'm 38 and I don't think you ever really come to terms with it.
As you get older you become more confident in your own skin which helps but I still worry about whether people like me, I still try too hard sometimes and I still think I am a crap person. It just gets easier to cope with. Trust me, it's all good in the end. :o)

Answer 9

to be honest i was bullied for a few years and for a while i stopped caring for myself and i do beleave no matter who or what you are every1 has a boundrie you allow ppl to cross me at a point lets lots off ppl cross but my mistakes i hope earlier life made me realise true friends in later life ...we all still good friends now

Answer 10

If you don't feel strong enough to do it on you own, then speak to a professional about it. There are heaps of counselors and therapists who can help you to work through problems.