Am I being selfish? Happy or depressed, that is the question?

Question

I am unable to train anymore. I work 6 days a week and 10 hours a day, not including two hours drive time each day. I want to find a job that is closer to my home and less days and hours, for alot of reasons but Training is one of them that is very high on the list. Am I being selfish doing this. Less hours and days mean less money, which we do need. Wife and kids you know. If I do not train I get really depressed and distant and I have been unable to train for over a month now.
If you want to be mean don't answer, I don't need people telling me how horrid I am. I want honesty but with out being brutal.
Shoud I forget training, be unhappy and depressed or make less and be happier?

Answer 1

Talk to your wife and get her opinion. You can always look for another job without quiting your current one. If you find one that works better than you can quit the old one. It may take a while but there could be somthing else out there.
If you can't find anything then try to figure out a schedule that can fit your needs. Maybe you could adjust your hoursat work one night to go train. I don't know if you train at a school or at a gym but you could possibly find a different school closer to home or work to make traveling time less.
I'm sure you will be able to figure it out, I hope this was helpful.

Answer 2

I was once in a similar position where I had it all as far as a job, money, office, cars, and expense account but was not able to enjoy it or do martial arts either. So I basically chucked it all and went back to a more modest life style and job with more time to work out and enjoy life. I did not have any children and was not married either which makes a big difference here.

I think you are taking the wrong approach with this. You obviously care about your family and are going to great sacrifices to give them a good life. You should be proud of that and they are lucky to have you as a father and husband. Some families are not so lucky. Also you do not say how long you are where you are at with respect to your job. Perhaps there will be a change in the future and you will have more free time or maybe not have to drive so far which could give you time to pick up your training again. Also I would take some time each week to still work out-even if it is just a little time like an only an hour. While it is not the same as working out four or five times a week it will help you to stay in better shape and also help you be less depressed. That will be the challenge now for you but you certainly are capable of meeting it otherwise you would not have even made some of the sacrifices that you have already been making. Look at this all objectivly and keep your perspective on things.

Consider working out at home and save that 10-15 minute driving time one way to the studio a few times a week. Round trip thats 20-30 minutes of work out time. Work to get yourself into a position where you have more free time or move closer and change schools so that you don't spend time on the road. Suggest starting a workout program at your job for all the employees-even if it is just a walking or jogging program. Many companies realize lower health and employee insurance costs when there employees maintain a certain level of health. Suggest a bi-annual two hour women's self defense course for the women at work and borrow some mats and do it.

I think if you modify your approach and the way you are looking at this you will soon find some small ways that you can still have something for yourself like your training and still continue to be a good father and husabnd.

Answer 3

Well exercising releases endorphins which make you happier. So I understand that it can make you depressed if you dont. Maybe instead of training you can find ways to exercise at home or at a gym close by or maybe on your lunch breaks. If you have children, maybe you can find exercises that they would like to do with you.

I would say finding a job closer to you home would free up some hours for you to work out. I dont think youd need to find a new job and cut back on hours because money is important for a family.

But I dont think you should keep things the way they are. You are unhappy. And if you are unhappy, youre unable to please yourself and your family. I hope everything works out well for you.

Answer 4

Definitely don't forget training in my opinion. I have had lots of times of depression and when you stop doing something like you martial arts training that will not help but make it worse. Its really hard to squeeze in with your lifestyle, but its possible. Balance in all things right?
I don't believe you are being selfish because of this reason. If you give it up, it will only make you more sad which won't help you be a better worker, husband or father.

Some suggestions: Find more 20 min. increments to do your training. I work 1 full time job, 1 part time job, full time student, husband, but no kids - and attempt to keep very active in kung fu & tai chi. Its hard, but I started figuring places to squeeze in training. I'm not a morning person, but I started forcing myself to get up 20 min. earlier to go through several katas. Once I started getting used to it, I started enjoying getting the blood pumping in the morning. In my car I work on hand strike positions (with only one hand at a time during a long commute) Bringing lunch so that I can eat in 5 min. & have 25 min. to sneak off in a private corner or office & workout.

What's really cool is if there is any chance your wife & kids could be interested in a martial art too. At my school we have a whole family that works out together. They seem to really enjoy it & it makes it so they still have a lot of family time.

Answer 5

I know how you feel. My wife often jokes to me that my mistress is the gym. It seems your family isn't the problem, but your job is. From experience I can tell you that whats important is your family and yourself. Not some stupid job no matter how much they pay you. If working close to home means less money, but you'll be more happier then do it. I'm sure your wife wants a husband who is happy, and not stressed out, and your kids want the same for their dad.

Answer 6

Well I don't have a family to support so I can't really be of much help. But I have been depressed and I can help a little there.

Be selfish. The whole reason I was out of it was because I was doing nothing I wanted to do. Don't worry about being selfish. Do things that you wanna do. I know you're in a tough spot but I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to way to juggle both things.

Good luck.

Answer 7

maybe you could try 2 find a job with high pay thats close 2 home and you dont have 2 work so many hours and still suppourt ur family and ur wife could also try 2 get a higher paying job also so you still have enough money 2 provide 4 ur family but also time training. and no ur not being selfish u have needs 2!