I have had a boyfriend for a few years who is really good to me but I'm afraid if I spend the rest of my life w/him I will be bored out of my mind ! He doesn't want marriage or kids unless he has to in order to keep me. he never even wants to move anywhere! All he does is work, play golf and poker! We live in a rural area in upstate NY, I have always wanted to move to CA. I recently met a guy online who happens to live in CA that I have so much in common with. We have never even talked on the phone and I would never cheat but this really has made me think. I'm afraid if I don't make a change, I will wake up one day wondering where my life went. I don't want to hurt my bf, he has been so good to me! Am I a total jerk? What should I do?
2007-07-22 01:22:48 · 8 answers · asked by Rain 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You're not a jerk if you are honest with him about how you feel. If he really doesn't want marriage or children, you should think about making a change if that is what you want-- (how old are you? If you're getting close to your 30's this is good advice. If you're 18- ignore me. You're to young to make "forever decisions" just yet)....but you don't want a man to "make a family" just to keep you around- you'll find yourself alone alot. On the other hand- don't go making any decisions based on a guy you know from a computer. Be sure it's your own choice- That's a tough one, and you should put alot of thought into it before you make any decisions, but you should always be honest.
2007-07-22 01:30:21 · answer #1 · answered by crankyissues 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok look theres so much more needed here to answer this but ill try . first thing is if you really love and i mean your in love with your bf then you wouldnt be contimplateing this at all so i dont think this is true love here . i can relate to this feeling you have over the net because i had lady i typed for months and i almost met her but we agreed that it was bad idea because we both were strangers and words alone cant insure a match so we didnt . i wish i could just give you an magic spell to say here but truth is you must do three things here and only one might not hurt . your first choice is share your needs and wants with bf and give him choice to met them or be without you . next is to totally brake relationship off and i meen totally but be kind . next is dont jump twards this guy in ca . learn much more before you just jump into something that might be a terrible situation . theres a lot of guys that use this net to lure or decieve people and lieing is the norm on here but dont totally give up . be smart make this guy prove himself by meeting you half way on finding out if maybe the two of you are meant to be together . i warn you if you brakeup with bf youll be prone to run to ca here and thats a mistake . give this lots of time and let your heart clear of the loss of your bf then youll be able to decide . you desearve to be happy and yes your bf should think of your feelings if he truely loves you if not then find one that dose . good luck
2007-07-22 09:05:01 · answer #2 · answered by sigmond 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU have settled for what you do not want. Relationships are also based on personal growth, where the two support one another's dreams and aspirations. You have no life, and he does what he wants.
You should get into therapy and see why you have given Io. I promise you your man would agree to make a change only when he is forced to. That is not love. He would not be a responsible father, husband, provided. He would keep his present lifestyle and not help with the responsibilities of fatherhood or parenting. YOU would rarely see him.
NO good! Move on quickly, and tell him it is not working for you, because it is all about him. Tell him he should find someone with his own values, which are no longer yours.
2007-07-22 08:31:35 · answer #3 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't please everyone, and you seem to be more concerned about your boyfriend's feelings than YOUR OWN!
I'm sure you care for your boyfriend, but you need to put your needs FIRST. He doesn't seem to be meeting them.
People need to have something in common. If your boyfriend would have kids only begrudgingly, and get married because "he has to"... is that a good way to maintin a relationship?
Consider taking care of you... no one else will.
2007-07-22 08:29:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your not a jerk, think about if you kepp your feelings bottled up inside forever you will end up with your boyfriend for life, is that what you really want. i say you should have a talk and tell him how you feels, go for someone else you can feel is like you because like you said its time for a change. x
2007-07-22 08:27:09 · answer #5 · answered by mudzi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him tell him how you feel this problem should have been addressed when you first got together hope you get thru it ok. but remember communication is very important probably the single most impportant thing in a relationship
2007-07-22 08:30:07 · answer #6 · answered by acetolyne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who care how good is he to you. If you don't love the bore then move on.
2007-07-22 08:26:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
um...if its to that point, try talking to him about it first.
if he's good to you and all, might as well try changing him first
2007-07-22 08:27:21 · answer #8 · answered by tae 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋