Don't people realise how offensive and hurtful they are when they arbitrarily quote...?

Question

various scriptures or religious beliefs to a person without taking into account extenuating circumstances etc?
For example, my fiance and I were both abused as children, my fiance's father even tried to kill him. Its not like we go around talking badly about our parents, we rarely mention them in a bad way. Yet one of our friends recently lectured us, admonishing us to honor our parents and deeply respect them, knowing full well what has happened to both of us and that this is a painful subject for us.
I understand that basic rules and principles are very important to some religious people, but don't they realise that a little sensitivity and compassion also go a long way?
Why do people force rules down others throats without stopping to consider the consequences?

Answer 1

Yes.
The best way to 'honor thy Father and Mother' is to live life in such a manner as to not bring reproach upon them. (even if they were hideous violators of human values)
If your parents were abusive as you say, the best way to honor them, is to not continue their course of rebelliousness, in that, they were abusive.
I am sorry that your parents were so bad, yet, we are required to honor them out of respect for our eternal father.
It is so reassuring that, for those of us who were abused (yes, I was too), that we can issue forth respect for our heavenly father, by allowing the headship principle, to allow us to even respect our abusive parents.
My parents still try to exert control over me by means of their manipulations and denigrations. Yet, I realize, that as an adult, I am now responsible for myself.

Answer 2

Regrettably I have - and I am truly sorry. Now after I type a reply to a post, I read it 2 - 3 times to make sure that I no longer hurt any ones feelings! When I am really angry I sometimes forget that I am 'talking' to people and not just this machine called a PC - so I have to calm down and if an injustice has been done on these pages then I try to correct it. However, if I hear about abuse of children, animals or the elderly - I cannot be held responsible for what I might post here - and that is the rule rather than the exception! CJ

Answer 3

I quit being my dad's favorite target years ago. I write and let him know I'm okay and what my family is up to, Grandsquids and all.
He doesn't deserve it and it's a waste of a stamp. But then,
I don't really believe that the Bible has been translated accurately, this is a poignant reminder that "telephone" is a very old game. I hope the intent was good when ever a new Bible was translated etc. But it was all done by men. I think men are groovy. But I haven't yet met one who can repeat a story accurately.
For Instance! Mathew, Mark, Luke and John all saw the Crucifixion from different angles.....four different stories, yet all are true? Common Sense. Each person reading interprets his/her own way. As did each man who participated in the writing a new copy of the Bible. Until the printing press was invented, it came out the way the pensman put it down. Now everybody suck it up, big breath....we are all right....I also believe the same thing about all the other "Good Books". I could be right~ or I could be wrong. Or maybe I am just disgusted that the BushJihad is being backed up by so many of you. Look it up, "Timeline Crusades"....Christians and Muslims...hmmmmm
Also, folks who throw their opinion around arbitrarly are just arbitrary!

Answer 4

Sometimes, it is not intentional in the course of an ordinary conversation that a topic that is painful and better left forgotten to a person comes up. What that person should do is to tell the other that that kind of conversation is not worth mentioning as it reminds you of a past that is too raw in the mind and heart, it still hurts even to just think of it. I think he or she will understand and will cease talking about it. Religious people are not exempt. If they start to preach about honoring your parents, you can just be frank and tell them, in a nice but firm way, that you were hurt by your parents and don't feel like talking about them. Maybe some other time when the pain isn't great and you have learned to forgive and forget.

Well, I wouldn't like to come out self-righteous or opinionated but, isn't it time you learn to forgive your parents for the way they treated and abused you as a child? Hatred is such a negative emotion and you wouldn't like to be feeling this way all your life. Learn to forgive and forget and I'm pretty certain things will just be fine for you and your fiance.

Answer 5

Because God made the rule and when you break it publicly folks are offended.
Lets look at the rule though. Does it say love honor and respect. No it says honor your mother and father so your days will be long.
I too had an abusive father. In fact I was the family football. Kick me anytime.
I wanted desperately to kill him as a teenager and probably would have if someone else hadn't beat me to it. But that's one of my sins.
Lets see if I can hurry a little.
I honor that my father did his part in conceiving me.
I honor my father for the few good things I remember.
I honor my father because I don't believe he was responsible but a head wound in Korea.
I do not respect my father.
I do not hold fond memories are have the love of a son for him.
I forgive him as instructed to do.
I think about him seldom.
Learn to forgive people for being judgmental. A lot of the time it is well meant but poorly used.
Keep your history and business to yourself. the more people know the more they judge.
I hope some of this helps. I'm still confused about my Dad and I'm old now.
God Bless!

Answer 6

This is an area that I don't get into when I talk with my friends, and I don't think your friend should have either. There are just too many variables involved with this. I'm a Christian, but I've had trouble communicating with my mother, who is not. She is very pessimistic, and I find it hard to be around her for any long period of time. The way I honor her is by praying for her. Perhaps your friend should do the same for you.

Now I'm going to give you a scripture that you might want to share with you friend:

Ephesians 6:4:
4 Fathers, don't make your children angry. Instead, train them and teach them the ways of the Lord as you raise them.

Answer 7

I am so sorry. These people were completely out of line. About a year ago, there was a girl that was working at a local office supply store in my town. She had just gotten out of rehab and her life, as she told me, had been very hard. Drugs, alcohol and tough times. I would always visit with her and before leaving I would tell her I was praying for her, which I did. One day, when I went in, she was crying. I asked what was wrong and she told me that the man she works for had been telling her that she had caused the problems in her own life and that if she didn't come to church and get saved then she could just expect to continue having a terrible life. She was gone the next time I went in there. :( I don't understand why some Christians come across this way and I know it doesn't do any good for those of us who are Christians but have compassion for those hurting. I am again so sorry for the way they treated you. I am praying for you guys.

Answer 8

That happens mainly because they are clumsy and ineffective at counseling. A good counselor does not judge or admonish, they listen and let the person suffering do the talking. They ask pertinent questions from time to time to get to the root of the problem, but never in a condescending or accusatory manner. A problem cannot be addressed until it is known and clarified. Then, in most cases, the counselee can see clearly what they must do, if they remain calm and objective about it. It is the job of the counselor NOT to let the counselees emotions get out of control...or any potential benefits are lost.

Answer 9

I will not forgive my abuser! Nor do I have to! And to preach piety to someone who has been so abused, is to me a cardinal sin! Do you really believe that God wants us to respect parents or,family members who have abused us, as we are to respect the Father! I REALLY THINK HE CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE!
In the Bible somewhere, it says' Whoever, suffer to harm the little children, It will be better that they have a millstone placed around their neck, and thrown into the sea!'
I think that pretty much covers having to respect the those that 'harm the children'!
In this instance, there is NO Room for turning the other cheek!
And ANYONE who suggests that you need to? They are the ones who need to read and study the Bible!
I really hope you do can find the rest, and the privacy that you need to heal! And if you haven't already had counseling of some kind? Please get it! Trust me,as a survivor of abuse,it will help very much!

Answer 10

My question to you is why you would let those people around you? You have to live your life to the point that you can see and feel past and outside the past pain. I also was abused as a child. I never forgot the pain, But, I was able to forgive both parents and go on with my life. They are both dead now. But the point is, I am not that devastated child any longer. They can no longer hurt me and couldn't for the last 20 years of their lives. Some years after I left home I made a special trip back, not for the holiday they thought, but for me. I needed to let them know that no matter what they had done to me, I was still whole and no thanks to them. I plainly confronted them with all the old hurts and scolded them. Then I was truly not the lost and confused child that could never figure out why they couldn;t or wouldn't love me. My route isn't for everyone, but it sure did free me. But as to those so called friends of yours, simply tell them that as long as they have never walked in your shoes then you cannot let them tell you how to tie the laces.

Answer 11

I agree 100%. I am a Christian couselor, but I also have a secular degree in Behavioral Science. My counseling style falls somewhere between the two.

While I would never recommend that someone disregard or violate God's principles, I certainly do not legalistically even suggest that all things apply to all circumstance. In fact, we see that Jesus' counseling style was most certainly tempered with compassion and not judgementalism.

What did He say to the woman who was caught in the act of adultery and had been given the death sentance? He reminded her that her sins were forgiven. He did not berate her for breaking God's command, rather, he gently lifted her up and told her to go her way and sin no more.

We can't always help the things that happen to us in the past and there are times that we do things out of deperation, or because we weren't thinking, or because we have a warring within our "flesh", etc. What does God say to do? Confess your sins to Him and repent.

If God does not condemn us, as long as we "go our way and sin no more", then who are we to condemn others? In the final analysis: listen to God and His word and not to the words of judgemental humans.