I am trying to have a relationship with a nice men that is 40 now ( I am 27),successful business manager.Trying,but not realy succeeding,becouse he has this weard tie to his mother- is it weard,or am I exaggerating?His M. has key to his apartment , so she comes every day in,leaving him home made soup, cakes,washes his dishes,makes his bed.Some time she would enter when I am in the shower,or we together,no privacy at all.She buyes his sheets and a lot of his clothes.When she comes in I dont know what to say,that confused I am,so I am greeting her(she is fiendly),having a word of how is she,but she just keep coming in and taking this super care of him.This summer we had spend our vacation together and his mother-not joking!When I try to say to him that this is all a bit to much he gets very "hystercal" saying that I dont understand that his M.is geting old and she is alone(he has a maried brother) and she needs to feel needed by someone-fulfill her days.What to think or do?Please help!
2007-07-21 21:59:29 · 13 answers · asked by niiaalex 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That is so unfair, has she even asked if you like soup? she seems like a cruel old witch to me, it may not even be home made soup,try distracting him when he`s having soup and have a spoonful yourself, if you don`t think it`s home made you should tell him what you suspect and expose the old charlatan.
2007-07-21 22:14:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
His mother might be getting old and she might need to feel needed but there are limits. You need to reach a compromise- that is why he is 40 years and dating you- how many other girls has this driven away.? I had a similar problem when i first married, she would turn up and bring his breakfast and turf us both of bed. I just told her to stop because i could look after him. Firstly i would stop the instant access with the key business- get the locks changed so she only comes in by arrangement- ie you answer the door when you are ready. Talk to her too- tell her its not necessary- that you can buy his sheets and look after him now -ensure you include in days out ocassionally- let her bring dinner or cook dinner once a week at her place. Talk her into joining some kind of club for the elderly or otherwise engage her time. Maybe she could do some work in the community to help people with a real need.She is a control freak really- afraid of letting her baby go, but you have to help her to do it. If you get no joy then let him go and find one who is not such a mummys boy.
2007-07-21 22:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by Ellie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run away from Mr. Mama's boy.
I personally think it is sweet when a man loves his mama but this is a little extreme. I think it is creepy when the mother is over every single day intruding into ur lives. The showering thing is where I would draw the line, it is too much like Psycho; I would NOT feel safe.
Unless you like Norman Bates, take your sh...stuff and leave before she comes in with a knife and you hear the slasher song.
2007-07-21 22:02:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to cut the apron strings.
I do not think that it will ever change, he is far too much a mummys boy.
Perhaps you caould come to a arrangement where she only comes in a couple of times a week, or perhaps she is very lonely and needs him more than he needs her.
2007-07-21 22:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really like him, I am afraid the phrase "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer" springs to mind. So, if I were you I would try and keep her sweet, take her out and spend lots of time with her e.g. when your fella thinks he's going to be getting some intimacy with you, you should invite his mother over unannounced - when he starts to see its interfering with what he wants, he may do something about it. If you try to say something, you will be singled out as the baddie. let him do the hard work.....!
Good luck x
2007-07-21 22:15:24 · answer #5 · answered by choca-locka-baby 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you wont make him cut his mothers ties, if i were you id leave, you are always going to be 2nd to his mum, he hasnt got enough room in his life for you.
i had a similar thing going on last year, not quite as intense as your bloke and his mum, but it was hell, anytime he'd tell her we were going out, she'd come up with something to take him instead, she was always at his flat, bought him everything and he didnt see it as a problem. i left him to get on with it and as far as i could see so had many other women.
i really dont think hes gonna change for you, he is dependant on her and she is on him too. you deserve better, you deserve a man who will put you first.
good luck!
2007-07-21 22:50:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he has to learn to take care of himself,as he can not be relying on his mother even at that mature age of forty.Unless he does not need a partner and he will continue being his mothers son forever.He needs to grow up.
2007-07-21 22:33:02 · answer #7 · answered by Bob Mukonka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yep sounds unhealthy - you really interested in him?
heres an idea .. try spending more time with her than him - see hwo he feels about it.
look really you cant change him - either take the whole package or dont - end of. people dont thank people for trying to change them. Just tell him look you need to start taking your mum oout more cos she the only one oyur prepared to have privacy with- bb!
2007-07-21 23:15:58 · answer #8 · answered by Andy C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you, but this is never going to change. If you stay with him his mother will always be there and will always come first. Run in the opposite direction as fast as you can!
2007-07-21 22:11:41 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Instantkarma♥♫ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a very unhealthy mother-son relationship to me.
2007-07-21 22:09:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋