things happen for a reason but why?

Question

im deployed to japan just got here two weeks ago. my wife is back home with our six kids, my god daughter ( three months pregnant) and her boyfriend. i may fight in wars and defend our country, but my wife has a much harder job then i do keeping all those kids in line. my buddy who is also the god father to most of my kids steps in and shows is god father duties every time i am deployed. i love him to death for that. today i called home to talk to the family. it was nice to hear every ones voice. made me feel so good as i was on the phone my kids one by one got on to talk to me. four out of the six asked me if derek (my buddy their god father) could stay the night. i didn't know what to say. a part of me just froze. like i said im glad he is there but it kind of felt like i was pushed aside when they asked if he could stay. i dont like feeling like this. i dont know if its the fact that he is around my family so much. im happy and sad at the same time.

i told them it was fine in the end, but now im here typing and i wish i would of said no. and not im not feeling this way because i dont trust him or my wife around one another. i do thats why i dont understand why i feel this way. i want my kids to still have that male role model around and he is the closets thing they have to one right now. what would any of you have done in this situation

Answer 1

I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I wish there was some really simple solution to your dilemma but unfortunately there isn't. I think that the best thing you can do for yourself & your family right now is to take peace in knowing that between your wife & your buddy, the kids are all getting the best care & that they have a male role model there for them while your unable to be. Know also that although you a forced to be away from your loved ones they have a really great person (your buddy) there with them to help easy the pain of being separated from dad. I know that it is really hard but I hope this has help put you at ease so that you can focus on doing what you need to do, to be able to return to your family safely.

Answer 2

First off, just want to say a million thanks for doing what you guys are doing out there. I am sorry that you feel the way you do. It is extremely hard for one kid to grow up without having the dad around, I can't even imagine 6 kids. I've recently just got hooked on watching the show "Army Wives", and it 's though being married to a soldier. It's a huge sacrifice which I am sure will eventually pay off in the end. Stay focus, and remember you family is waiting for you come home safe. Try not to worry about things that you have absolutely no control over at this time. Good Luck !!!

Answer 3

First of all thank you for defending our country,life can be the hardest thing we try n over com, is there ne way that u could b with you family instead of being away i mean i no u help support the country but what a bout the people that you brought in to the world.Yur own flesh n blood i would go home your family need you sooo much more,its just that they cant have daddy around they need some one to love them as if it were their own daddy....Please go home.!!!your children need you and your wife trust me us women are strong yes we can bring up our children and do almost nething that a father would do,but we to have feelings and need them fulfilled not just sexually...

Answer 4

Don't try to worry about it even though that'll be hard to do. Obivously one reason for you to be in Japan is to help you develop trusting your wife while you're away. If she loves you then she would know not to do anything to hurt you. Also, i think your friend may just be over there to help out with the kids for a night. Your wife does have a lot on her plate right now without you there to help her so I'm pretty sure that's why the situation is going on the way it is. Don't panick because that may mess up your thinking. but if you do have any problems about it, talk to your wife about the situation. I know how you feel somewhat, but i'm on the other end. My bf in the army and without me so i worry if he's doing anything behind my back, but if you love them you have to trust them. And if they love you then they know not to do anything.

Answer 5

Exactly what you did. The children are young and you will have plenty of time to be with them in the future. It's excellent that they have someone there for them now and it's helping your wife out. You're doing the right thing, and your wife appreciates it and so does your children even though they are too young to show it. You'll be fine. Tough it out, finish your term, and then go home to your kids. If the kids loved him more than they loved you they wouldn't have wanted to talk to you or asked if he could stay the night, you have to understand, they are children. You'll be fine.

Answer 6

How could they send you off with six kids and all the rest still at home? Did you volunteer so you could get out of the responsibility?
Unless you got mandatorily ordered to serve this country...with that many kids at home, one would think that your job is to be home helping to raise them.
What happens now is based on your decisions. I wonder what would happen if I asked my husband if a male friend could "sleep over."
The answer is NO.
Tonights answer to your kids and wife is just as rediculous as your decision to 'vacate' the home to serve a country. Six kids...you are needed at home bringing home the bread and butter and supporting the family. Then you wouldn't have to wonder why your friend wants to play daddy in your place.
There's no sympathy here for you. Now on the other hand, your wife is a real trooper and if she needs help rearing the offspring you helped to bring into the world and you can't be there...she turns to the guy who can.

Answer 7

It's usually good to listen to your 'gut' feelings. I think you would feel better if you told Derek and your wife that you'd prefer that he not spend the night in the future. You can tell them that it makes you feel sad and envious that he is there with them when he cannot be. You can tell them that you really appreciate Derek standing in for you by giving the children a male role model when you are away, but that you'd just prefer that it be done during the daytime.

Answer 8

omg!! I am so sorry you fell that way! Dont take it the wrong way, they need someone else to comfort them while you are away! They will never stop loving you or want the other guy to be their father! you are their dad and they will always know that and you will to! I hope you get back home soon, God Bless.
Julia

Answer 9

i believ in inteligent intuition. if i may be permitted to call it that. so i believe we can sense and think and through our own knowledge and experience of people society and culture we can make observations and decisions for our own good. as christians thisis useful, we learn types, and chaaracters and characteristics in people. we laern not to trust government and doctors too much. we laern hopefully quicker than regualr people, i am not being offensive, bt to be hionest i find regular people spend there time trying to forget aboutthe world theylive in and all the scary painful stuff they should be avoidig.. its al about up up up ... lets party.... everyday for as long as our body allows us..... of course that means, fun and laughter is the way many or most go thrugh life, itis the salt in there food. so then funny and laughter being so important to them now rules them. the bible says a fool fights for laughter. its in pslams, iforget the exact phrase... nut it is a sign of te lunacy and the hysteria this quest creates in what are supposed to be sane normal members of society. @ we need to be aware so we dont catch the evil grin @ Yuk Uuurrgh!!

Answer 10

Things happen for a reason?!?

Geez...!!!

Please tell my girlfriend that...!!!