My 26 yo brother just told me that he started having nightmares and repressed memories about past sexual abuse he faced during his childhood. He has never had any of these thoughts before and does not know how to handle it. He told me when he woke up that he just wanted to be a kid again and to have someone comfort him. A relative of ours went to jail years ago after molesting several young family members and my brothers memories are exclusively about this relative. I dont know how to help him. He said he did not want to go to counceling,as he could not talk to a dr about it. Please any advise on how I can help him would be much obliged.
2007-07-21 17:04:18 · 11 answers · asked by Mono 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
See recurring nightmares, and PTSD, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on pages 3, and 6. He should visualise himself confronting the person concerned, vividly, as advised, every night, before going to sleep, and say 3 times, aloud: "tonight, I want to confront my attacker in my dreams", for as long as it takes.
2007-07-21 18:28:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Before she goes to what your calling a sexologist she needs to be in treatment with a psychologist for the abuse that she underwent as a child. It may take a long time before that can ever be resolved. You need to think long and hard whether or not you can be satisfied in a relationship with no sex because, that is what she is telling you right now. There is no guarantee. Most people would not be ok in a relationship w/o sex, man or woman, as it is such an important aspect of a relationship at any age. She has already told you she divorced her previous spouse because she didn't want to have sex with him. I think if you marry her now you are headed from the chapel to the court. As already more than 50% of all marriages end in divorce you would be in a higher category than average. If you really love this girl and she loves you let her get into intensive therapy for the abuse she has endured and wait a few years to see what develops. You may not want to hear it but you are only 25 you could definitely wait a year or 2 to see where this takes her and you. Don't rush into this as you will eventually regret it probably after some severe heartache. I'm not trying to discourage your love for her and yes there is a chance she can resolve her sex issue but it will take a long time. If your prepared for this and you can wait the time that it takes for her to heal then you should see it through. However, you should love yourself first and foremost and not enter into any legally binding contract (marriage) until you know that her problem is resolved and your not going to be taken for a fool.
2016-05-20 03:39:42 · answer #2 · answered by chaya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of my family members was in a situation similar to your brother's. The memories became so intrusive that she was unable to carry on her daily life normally.
Somehow, he is going to want to get "beyond this", but to do so there is a need to "process it". Your brother will find he will question himself in some predictable areas as he goes through this time.
You may suggest to him, that he KEEP A JOURNAL that he writes in daily for a while, and that he takes long walks to help with the excessive and negative energy he will be dealing with.
TALK WITH AN ADULT MALE FRIEND often, and privately.
Do some READING (excellent material written primarily for females The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender in the self-help section of the book store. Along with that is a good workbook.)
If his feelings get too strong, or the thoughts take over his days or nights, or his questions or self view are just too personal and embarrassing -- then might benefit from speaking with a counselor who he will never see again after the counseling time is over. He would want to see a trained counselor experienced in Men's Sexual Issues.
I would suggest you or he call 1-800-NEWLIFE for other reading suggestions, or for short or long counseling possibilities. This is one of the problems they deal with on a regular basis. They offer week-end seminars or nation wide Christian counseling referrals. Some of what they have to offer is available over the phone or online at NEWLIFE.com
2007-07-21 18:23:22 · answer #3 · answered by Hope 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My first concern would be to figure out what is causing this sudden release of repressed memories. Is your brother being stressed out about something else in his life, a relationship, family matters, etc. My second conern is trying to persuad him to get couseling. I understand his reluctance (believe me, I understand), but left to himself these dreams could become more constant and begin to interfer in other aspects of his life. Not to mention the feelings that go along with abuse. There are so many things that abuse can lead to besides nightmares; depression, anxiety, etc. I know that you can not force him to seek help if he does not want to.
There is a very good book that I would reccomend called the Courage to Heal Workbook. It is for adult survivors of child sexual abuse. My therapist and I used it because I was able to communicate feelings through writing beter than talking and the book helped us to direct our sessions. Anyway, it was very helpful for me and maybe for your brother. Other than that I can only say be a good listener when ever he does feel like talking.
2007-07-21 18:14:22 · answer #4 · answered by ragtad 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Contact RAINN.org. Your brother will have to get help on his own,but you can arm yourself with resources so when the time does come, you can be helpfull.Also, you need to take care of you.
I reccomend several online forums,most have resources for secondary survivors.Welcome To Barbados - their message board Pandoras Aquarium has its own forum devoted exclusively to supporters of survivors.And when hes ready to reach out,theres a forum for Male survivors.And its a wonderful community there as well.Aphrodite wounded is another.This sounds like your whole family is in need of asisstance in dealing with the aftermath of this persons behaviour.Im so sorry that your going through this.Im very glad that your reaching out and trying to help your brother.
On a final note, RAINN offers an online/IM based conversation with an advocate - its completely anon.
Be well. Feel free to email me if you need any more assisstance.
2007-07-21 17:12:18 · answer #5 · answered by terri c 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all He needs to know that what happened to him was not his fault. It can be confusing for the abused because he may have feelings of guilt over it. Its called child abuse because the adult takes advantage of the child who is innocent and vulnerable to this kind of act. The abuser grooms the victom to get what he/she wants then seduses the victim. Thats where the guilt and confusion comes to the child who is now an adult. He should feel confident and comfortable that it was not his fault NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEND (that means even if he consented to it out in return to be accepted and not regected, out of fear, rape, what ever.) ITS NEVER THE CHILDS FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tell him that !!!!! Please !!!! He was a child who didn't know any better but to trust. Thats what children do, they trust and want to be accepted and attention. He was doing his job and thats to be a child. He was taken advantage of and abused of . Again its not his fault!!!!! No matter what. And tell him that he doesn't have to go to a councelor and relive what he went through! Sometimes it makes it worse. Tell him that he can CHOOSE to put it behind him and find thing that make him happy, (hobby, traveling, school, volunteering) Tell him that he is NOT WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM. He has two choices, he can choose to live and move on and be happy.... or he can stay where he is and relive over and over what happened to him and become a victom every time he recalls those memories. Tell him to educate himself on child sexual abuse and he will see the bright side of people who have chose to move on and put it behind them. He will also learn that he is not the only victom of this crime. Tell that God can help him carry his pain and help him over come it.
2007-07-21 17:58:20 · answer #6 · answered by liliana 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If your brother beleives that he was abused by this person maybe he could write a letter to him and put all his feelings and thoughts onto paper. It isn't absolutely essential that the letter be sent to the person involved, your brother could burn, bury or rip up the letter as long as he gets it all out and gets rid of the hurt and anger. Your brother needs to beleive that what happened to him was not because of anything he did or didn't do.
2007-07-21 17:21:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
maybe you could offer to go with him to counseling he really does need to go. these things don't just go away even though sometimes is seems they do what if he stops thinking about it and years later when you're not around he finds he can't cope there is no telling what he may remember that he's not remembering now he needs to deal with this so that he can move on with his life without the baggage.
2007-07-21 17:27:42 · answer #8 · answered by wanda 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hold him and comfort him. If he wants to be comforted like a child, then comfort him like a child.
2007-07-21 17:11:49 · answer #9 · answered by Butch Cassidy 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
http://dailystrength.org/support/Personal_Challenges/Sexual_Abuse/ this is just and idea
this site would probally be good to talk to peole going through the same issues.good luck
2007-07-21 17:53:54 · answer #10 · answered by ~~~~ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋