Is this child abuse?

Question

There is a lady in my neighborhood that I’m friends with. From time to time I go over to her house to catch up on the latest gossip and so forth. She is really strict with her kids. She makes go to bed at 8 pm. She makes them clean their plate when they eat and she is really strict with their school grades. She also corrects behavior that seems to be normal for a kid. More than once I had to wait as she brought them in the bedroom with a paddle in hand to spank them for something like being to loud. She gave them like two or three swats and stayed in there until they stopped crying.

Well last time I came over her oldest who is 7 was standing in the corner. I asked her what he did and she said he broke something playing in the house. Well I was over there for an hour and the whole time her child was in the corner. She told him a couple of times to face the wall. When I left he was crying softly and looked like he has to go to the bathroom.

An hour seems like a long time to be in the corner. Oh and she also told me she gives writing punishment too. Her kids are overall well behaved, but she just seem too strict. She also is really nice to me and so are her kids.

I wonder how long he was there after I left and before I came.

Well "me" that is my friend and friends can ask questions like that. And for the record I'm not planning on calling CPS and no one is telling anyone how to raise their kids so quit jumping to that colcusion because I ask an anonymous question.

Answer 1

Hmm... It sounds like she may be a little strict (based on spanking, corners, etc.), but a parent can't be considered abusive just because she's strict. Also, being strict isn't necessarily a bad thing; if anything many parents need to be at least somewhat strict. Some states say spanking with a paddle is abuse, and others say it isn't if it's with your hand, and some say it is either way. I'd check out your state's law; if I knew your state, I would be able to help more.

Be careful about if you decide to say something; even if a parent is found to be innocent, they still have to go through a lot of grief.

Answer 2

well you know what I am so tired of everyone telling me how to raise my kids to and you know the people that grew up back in the old days had it worse they got their bottoms whipped with a twrig and they seem to be ok . It is all these younger ones like all these older people keep saying that let their children do whatever they want and watch whatever they want whenever and buying them things no matter how bad you don't have the money is what gives the kids the wrong idea that its ok to beat the crap out of other people no matter their age or color or religion and also some of this crap on tv has to much sex graphicly that children shouldn't be watching any of it not even cartoons its all violence and like its ok to fight , the kids to me should be reading and doing sports and hanging somewhere where they are not going to see any of this crap. so no if it was serious why she is whipping them I don't think its child abuse . I was told by a cop its ok to spank your children as long as you can control your temper and not leave bruises on them. I get tired of my kids being rude when other people are there . they do for the attention I have been told so like usual they rule the house because you can't do anything to your children now adays without the law involved .

Answer 3

It sounds like she's a little too strict but not exactly abusive. I agree that 1 hr is way too long to be standing in a corner, 15 min seems more appropriate. Why spank a child for being too loud? Just tell them to hush up and go play in their room. I'm pro-spanking but that should be reserved for major infractions like running into the street or stealing or something along those lines. There are far worse things in the world to do to a kid, but I imagine that would be hard to see and not say anything. She sounds like a control freak.

Answer 4

One hour is too long for a kid to stay in a corner like that! And you shouldn't spank a child and then make it stand in a corner too ! You are suppose to only give one punshiment not two !!! You either Spank them or Make them stand in a corner for a few mins. !!! That is too harsh!! If she is giving two punshiments to one child then thats not right! I couldn't put up with someone making a child stand in a corner for One hour or 30 mins. Thats not reasonable !!! You better keep an eye on those kids and report anything that you feel is wrong!!! What does it hurt to be concerned about those kids? Nothing! What happens if your not concerned and say or do nothing ? Alot could happen! I'd rather be safe then to be sorry later on !!!!! Also you should of stayed and see if she let that child go to the bathroom or not? If she didn't then that is abuse in my book!!! You can't make a child hold it that long, it is unhealty to them and if they go in the floor would she spank them?? If so thats abuse cause she would be at fault for not letting them go potty !!!!

Answer 5

Sounds like i completely disagree with her methods, however how she is choosing to raise her children is NOT abuse. 2 to 3 swats on the bottom with a paddle is hardly something to worry about (unless it leaves marks).

I disagree with spanking for being to loud, I think that's crazy, if they disobey "volume" rules, the most I'd do is a time out. Usually I suggest they go outside and be as loud as they want :)

Spankings with a object or without, is generally deemed abusive ONLY if permanent marks are left. If not, it's OK.
http://familyrightsassociation.com/info/spanking_laws.htm

Answer 6

I believe the parent is abusing her children with the paddling. The rest, as far as how you feel is not child abuse.

Here is the problem, if child protective services is to get involved then it could turn out to be a huge problem up to taking the children away, forcing her to take parenting classes against her will, etc.

I am not sure how old you are, but if you are a child, it is best to keep your mouth shut. If you are an adult, then its a tricky thing to talk to her about the paddling without it sounding like you are telling her what to do. It could also be construed as a threat.

Do you know anyone else who knows her?

I have zero trust of our government when it comes to protecting our children. The reason is simple, most of the people who are making these decisions are counselors and shrinks who can't make it in the real business world -- in short, the government is scrapping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to these people who can and do break families up. That is coming from personal experience as well as what I have heard lawyers and other professionals say.

My apologies to those that are in that profession with the government and do a good job. Your case load is also part of the problem.

Peace

Jim

.

Answer 7

Being strict is not abuse. Making a child stand in the corner is not abuse. I believe the time out rule is supposed to be something like 1 minute for each year of their age. however, any more is not considered abuse.


According to child abuse laws in Missouri, spanking on the bottom with a bare hand is not abuse, as long as it does not bruise. However, if the child is hit hard enough to leave a bruise, hit anywhere beside the bottom, or is hit with any type of object, it is considered abuse.

Keep in mind, each state will be different.

Answer 8

Sounds like an abusive control freak. I spank, I use time out in the corner, I make my kids try at least three bites of everything on their plates, (we try lots of new foods), I make my kids go to bed at 8:00 and I insist on good grades. When I spank its only for things that could physically hurt someone and I let them cry as long as they want. When I use time out its never more than a minute or two longer than the recommended minute per year of age guideline. The things this woman is doing will likely emotionally and psychologically damage her children.

Answer 9

As a police officer I can tell you that is not child abuse. It might be in your opinion but from a legal standpoint, it's not. You would not believe all the questions I get from "concerned" people about someone spanking their child. I actually had a woman stop my partner and I while we we're on patrol and tell us to arrest her daughter-in-law because she was abusing her child. When we checked the situation out, all that happened was that she swatted her child on the bottom with her flip-flop for throwing his toys out into the street. I couldn't arrest her for that, that wasnt child abuse. I would suggest that if you are bothered by this, call your local child protection services annonomously and have them send a social worker out the investigate.

Answer 10

I have swatted my kids on the bottom before with my HAND. Even this is on a rare occassion.To me, there is a difference between swatting and repeatedly wailing on your kid. I do not hit my children with objects, but I don't think in this case she's abusing her kids. Standing in the corner for an hour is ridiculous for a child of any age. I feel sorry for her kids, she is going way overboard. Way. Why would you want your kids to fear you? She seems like she's getting off on her power.