am I pathetic?

Question

what I mean, well, I'm 39 (hard to believe) and no marriage never, no relationship, just a bunch of annoying dating and one big platonic affair that broke my heart. most people find me beautiful and get all excited to date me, but i guess it doesn't work. so what is that? a lost cause? or keep fighting for this real and solid relationship? the fact that I am an author I thought would be attractive, but whatdoyouknow? most men freak out. deep down I say 'fcuk them' and keep going. what do you think?

guys... I've lowered my expectations... how low can I go than a coach that plays volleyball all day and doesn't ever reads books? please...

Answer 1

I would love to share a little of my life with you. I am married for 13 yrs. now. I have 2 boys ages 5 and 12. I am 44. I always wanted to be married and have kids, that was my dream. I was single all through my 20's and did not marry until I turned 31. I felt lonely as a single person, I longed for someone to spend my life with, I dated, had friends and was free to go and do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Probably like you are right now. My biological clock was ticking and I knew I wanted kids. so I got married to a guy , who is nice enough but not my dream guy, I guess you could say I settled. He does love me and I love him, but it is not a passionate love, the kind of love you feel on a date with someone that makes your heart race. My life is all about my boys, their school work, their meals, their everything, It leaves very little time for anything "I want". I know that might sound selfish, after all I wanted kids right? I love them with every fiber of my being, I would die for them, When you are on the outside looking in, you always have a sence of longing, wondering what your missing out on. Let me tell you a little of what you are missing, A huge pile of dirty laundry, that is mostly other peoples, its a pile that never ends, my washing machine never stops running. Oh and dont forget the sink full of dirty dishes, that is all mine, after every meal, everyday, Oh and about meals, I shop for the food, help pay for the food, bring it all home, unpack it, store it away and prepare it, after everyone eats, I clean up the mess. I make all the doctor appointments, take them to the doctor, get them ready for school, make breakfast, take them to school and pick them up. All the cleaning, dusting, feeding the pets,planning the next days meals. My husband doesnt make enough to pay all the bills so I wait tables part time, on top of everything else!! I balance the check book and make sure all the bills get paid, he has no idea what we owe or how much things cost. Then we argue because he thinks there should be more money in the account, after Ive paid everything, like I am spending it on myself or something. The life I have is the one I chose, Would I like to be single again? Some days the answer is YES!!! If you want to jump in your car and take a road trip, you can, if you want to lay on the couch and watch sappy romantic comedys, you can, if you just want to read a book in total silence you can. Wow do I miss all that!!!! Please know that when the time is right, you will meet the man of your dreams, be selective, dont ever settle, I cant go back and change the past, but you can enjoy your freedom, now that you know whats on the other side, have a great life!!The grass is never greener on the other side, some days its brown, You my dear, are not pathetic, not even a little, I hope after reading this you now realize that!!!!

Answer 2

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! If you are pathetic, then so am I. I'm turning 30 in five days and have little hope of a long lasting relationship. I'm an independent, outspoken, and intelligent woman. . . and I think I scare the h+ll out of men.

It kills me when my friend and I go out and she picks up all the men. Her tiny frame and puppy dog eyes make her a prime rib to men. When she tries to brag about me, telling others that I am going to school for my doctorate, I cringe, knowing that the men, if at all interest in the beginning, were now one footstep closer to the bar. No, not to get me a drink, but to liquor up another "little" girl at the bar. Uhhgg! It's frustrating.
Welcome to Club Pathetic.

No worries though. I try not to take it personally, just go on about being me and hope someone will step into my life that isn't afraid of a strong, driven woman.

Answer 3

I think every guy that met you is pathetic 4 losing you! You seem so deep to me...ad least from what I have read! You are not pathetic...you just know deep inside that there is a perfect guy waiting 4 u and I think you are just waiting 4 him. Age is nothing but a number...but love is true love and I think there is only 1 for for one person! and you are brilliant 4 waiting for that special person. By the way, what is your real name? What books have you wrote? I am interested in reading just because I love how deep you are.
hope I helped!
and good luck finding that special person.

Answer 4

You are not pathetic. True love is not something that you find everyday. I think when you stop searching for it, it finds you (at least, thats what happened for me).

Perhaps the bit about you being an author is slightly intimidating to some men bc they are worried they might serve as the topic of your next article/book (depending on what you write).

The right person is out there for you and eventually you two will find another. Chances are, you may have already met him and not known it yet, or perhaps were afraid to do anything about it?

My advice is to go out with you friends, and be you.......your inner beauty will shine through and eventually the right man will come along.

:)

Answer 5

everything about you sounds "right". when you go on a date, what kind of date is it? movie, fun activity, what? can you carry on an interesting conversation? and here's the one that has me in the same place as you, I can't find a man who's smart enough for me. my intelligence scares them off, every time.
you aren't pathetic. I think you're doing what I've done for a long time, which is to lower my standards, and then when it doesn't work out, I say the same thing you do.
hold out for someone with whom you can have intelligent conversations. it should make a huge difference.

Answer 6

yeah i know what you mean,they say im fit,hot,beatifull etc,but the next day they say we should take a break (which always leads to a spilt) and im like,but you just said im hot!!!! it makes me think there lying which gets me thinking,whats wrong with me? am i fat? thick? ugly?but then i relise there not worth it,AT ALL. they dont wnat you so why should you waste your time tryner get them back? figure out what they didnt like? theres no excuse! you still have time left to find a husband etc but why waste it on that? enjoy life,and being a authour,your friends,and if the guy of your dreams turns up then good,whoo! but dont sit around waiting,getting depressed. lol i can see your getting bored and just want me to make my point so what im saying is,there the pathetic ones,not you!

Answer 7

you are not pathetic, you just havent met the right guy yet. i would ask friends and acquaintences to be brutally honest about your personality, if you are overbearing, come off as snooty or distant, etc., be prepared for honest answers and some self evaluation - you may be just a totally wonderful person who has had the misfortune of attracting losers - hang in there and good luck - don't give up yet!

Answer 8

I say you're still young and being 39 and single is not that significant at all. By all means keep going and keep searching. Of course there's not enough details here in this little box to know what makes you tick, and what YOU might potentially be doing to prolong your single life but...........once again, you're still a babe. Keep your dream alive and one day you'll find that man who will LOVE you, or HE will find you. ;)

Answer 9

you will find the right 1 some day. i personally think smart women are sexy and so do alot of men. my dad said "the sea is full of fish and you may catch some small ones but if you keep fishing your bound to get the big one". he was actually talking about fishing but i think you get the point. when you meet the right one it will be so satisfying. keep at it and good luck

Answer 10

I'm not sure why being an author is so traumatic for your dates. Maybe they can't read. Dating, ugh, can't blame you there. Tell people you're a pilot for ConAir Freight. See if it makes a difference..maybe have fun with it. What the heck...