Suggestions for irritating telemarketers?

Question

They bother me. I want to bother them back.

To Frank Castle : Oh, so I should give up my phone because they keep pestering me? Awesome solution.

Answer 1

There's some great answers here, going to be interesting to see who's best. Here's what I do depending on how much time I have and if I feel like messing with them:

Obviously, if you're pressed for time and don't feel like having fun, just hang up, especially if there's that "pause." The callers are on an automated machine that continually dials and doesn't put a person on the line until the machine senses that someone has picked up and it's not voice mail. That's why there's usually a pause after you answer, and you can hear others talking in the background - that's how you know it's a big call center dialing for dollars.

If it's the first time - and on my home phone, I just say, "We don't accept telemarketing calls, please take me off your list." And hang up.

If it's my business line, I have to be more careful, it might be legit. But I don't allow them to get into their script. I just try to figure out what they're selling (it's usually pretty easy) and say "What was that company again? Oh, sorry, we just bought that (whatever it is), so please take me off your list." Then NEVER do business with that company.

Always tell them to remove you from their list. They are supposed to comply - but they don't always. If they turn into a real pest, report them to your state Attorney General's office, that always gets their attention. Or tell them, "This is my home number, how did you get the home number of the Attorney General of Florida?"

Auto-dialers with recordings and fax marketing, which is highly illegal in most states, really ticks me off. You can check your fax log and get many of the originating numbers. Then find a company that offers to "fax-back" things like operating manuals and enter the offender's fax number - select the biggest manual they offer. So maybe it's Xerox and the Operations Manual for their biggest, fanciest machine is 500 pages. Have it faxed-back to the fax marketer's number. You can't stop it. And if you try, by unplugging the machine, it just starts over from the beginning. And if it gets a busy signal, it just keeps trying. This was done to me once by an employee we had to let go because he was stealing. It took two days and a couple of reams of paper before it finally stopped.

But I save the best for the worst. If the same ones call over and over, or if you politely try to get off and they won't quit, keep a whistle near the phone and give them a blast. I love that one.

BTW, NEVER agree to any charitable donation over the phone. Because I guarantee you it's not really the Sheriff, or the church or the boy scouts. It's scammers and once you contribute to one, they sell your name to others thinking you're an easy mark.

Just remember, they've got your phone number AND they've got your address and name - so be careful... especially with the whistle, cause as one of the other folks said, they're just trying to make a living.

Answer 2

After I graduated from college, I was unable to start my new job until Aug (I was a Dec. grad) and no one would hire me because I was overqualified...so I did a brief stint in telemarketing. Selling vacation junk. It was lame. I mostly read magazines while being hung up on.


However, all of the things that other people have listed, would make me just call you again. If you made sex noises, or just talked randomly, etc. I would have been on the other end cracking up. Guys would make sex noises or hit on me, and I would talk back to them. A shift was 5 hours, and the more time I could waste chit chatting, the faster the day went.

Most of the people there are only there because they have no other choice. I would much rather sit and listen to something like that than call people who just hang up on me. I couldn't have cared less about making my quota...I was just there for the hourly wage so I could pay rent until I started my career.

Also, the other people I worked with were either like me and would get a kick out of it.....or the kind that would pitch you no matter what. They would pitch hospitals, people dying with cancer, schools, etc. They didn't care who they called.

Also, if you irritate the telemarketer too much...they will set the computer so it calls you ever hour, just to irritate you. They won't be the person to call you back either...it will just randomly be put back in the system for others to call you every hour.

Don't waste your time asking to be put on their do not call list. Just go online and register yourself. That way you KNOW you are on the list...then if they call and you say "I am on the do not call list" they will say "sorry" and hang up because it is against the law to pitch you.


BUT if you really want to bother them....go on and on about giving birth. Or I had a crazy guy tell me his whole life story. He was a mental case. I have never laughed so hard. He kept me on the phone 1.5 hours! Or tell about how you can't travel because someone drugged you and cut out your kidney and sold it on the black market. You are now on the organ donor list and unable travel, read, install vinyl siding or whatever they want to sell you. Sometimes people would just pick up the phone and start screaming obsenities. Once a guy threatened to slit my throat if I didn't take him off the list (I set it to call him back that night!) The craziest things you can think of...telemarketers have probably heard.

Answer 3

Fine, I'll be the Devil's advocate this time. Just remember, a lot of times these are people just trying to make a living and support their families. There are good, honest people out there doing these jobs and they aren't always out to get you.

Go to www.donotcall.gov, register all your phone numbers, and you should stop getting calls pretty quickly. I've been registered there for a couple of years, and I NEVER get called by telemarketers.

Just ask to be on their do not call list. Don't waste their time chastising them, that's just rude. They're people just trying to do their jobs. Your beef is with who they work for, not with them personally.

No, I'm not a telemarketer. Just a reasonable person with respect for other people just trying to make an honest living.

Answer 4

A couple of ways to annoy temlemarketers
-Do what my husband does it usually gets them to never call back......He's an army recruiter but you can pretend to be when they start with their questions simply say hey have you ever thought about a career with the army? They usually hang up and don't call back.
-Or I simply put the phone by the cartoons my kid has on the tv. They will only listen to scooby doo for so long.
-Another one I've done is answer the phone then get something to eat like chips that are really loud when chewed into the phone. I'll even ask questions with a mouth full of food Im just very impolite about the chewing! They never want to listen to that very long or call back!

Answer 5

Teach yourself a life story of an utter loser and recite this story, volunteerily to the other party, neglecting any response from the other end, other than end of call.

For example, as soon as you identify it’s a telemarketer, start as below

See I have this problem with my bf/g/f. he/she has not brushed his/her teeth for the last four days. Can you imagine what kind of a bad smell comes of the mouth of such a person? It is horrible……..blah blah blah

I am learning English. I am sure you can find a good story that will be a turn off to any person in this world and don’t forget you go on talking this stuff, without listening to the other party until the line is dropped.

Answer 6

before christmas time if some telemarketer calls male calls say: hi santa i knew u would call me did u get my letter i want a bike for christmas hows the reindeer etc. u have to act like a little kid just keep on saying and asking questions about christmas until they hang up

Answer 7

Make a conversation with lots of small talk. My friend used to be a telemarketer, and people who actually wanted to talk to them bugged the crap out of them. Oh, and my father likes to talk to them as if they're interested in their product and then tell 'em they already have it or don't like the idea and then hang up on them. I like to give the phone to my nephew. He loves talking on the phone, and he'll talk to telemarketers until they finally hang up on him.

Answer 8

irritate telemarketer joke

Answer 9

I had one call me one time for long distance phone service so I asked questions about how much it costs to call Singapore, Hong Kong, Germany, Japan, Kenya, blah blah kept naming countries i been to then i told them stories about the people i met there and how i like to keep in touch i kept that guy on the phone for like 45 mins till he was so po'd and hung up.

Answer 10

Well, you could take a page from the comedian who is often on Bob and Tom...he has told grave plot salesmen that they need to come over RIGHT NOW and sell him that plot, and then asks how to get blood out of the carpet...lol