My friend is a single mother ( i was there too once upon a time) and her house is a complete disaster area. There are dishes in the sink piled a mile high (and she has a dishwasher), her bathroom is a swamp, and the bedrooms and living room scare the hell out of me. Her baby is 6 months old and she has two cats that share a litter box. She claims to clean it once a day but I seriously dont think so and I really hate to doubt my friend. She has had child services in because of some post partum issues and has been warned to clean her house. How can i motivate her to clean it up and keep it clean while being somewhat tactfu. BTW i am not tactful by nature so thus my request for help. I dont want her baby taken away from her. HELP!
2007-07-21 05:10:25 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am 7 1/2 months pregnant with my own child and have a 3 yr old plus with my own house to clean. I believe that she has to learn time management and learn that you have to rely on yourself instead of other people all the time.
2007-07-21 05:17:17 · update #1
She also has a worker come in twice a week to help her but the house ends up in tatters in 12 hrs. I have offered to help her organize her house that way she doesnt have to tear it apart but i was turned down..this is why i am soooo stuck!!!
2007-07-21 05:19:54 · update #2
I agree with the dbrooke and some chick, you need to help her, especially if you are really worried about it. She may be suffering from postpartum depression. Maybe you two could find someone to watch all of the kids for a day, then just tell her her you and she are going to get things in shape.You can start early in the morning and work through the day to get as much done as you can. Then help her work on a follow up plan. For example, you could give her an example of the things that you do to keep your house in order. I am a very unorganized person, no matter how hard I try. Lately, I have started doing a load of clothes right before bed. Then the next morning i fold and put stuff away instead of letting 10 or 20 loads build up. You can just tell her you're speaking from the heart , not being judgmental, and you sincerely want to help.
Yikes! I just reread and see that youre VERY pregnant, so there's not much that you can do, but maybe you all have other friends or moms or someone who would be willing to come in and help out? Church members, coworkers? She may not be too comfortable with that, but sometimes we have to look past being embarassed or prideful and be grateful for whatever help we can get.
2007-07-21 05:32:09 · answer #1 · answered by CompletelyClueless 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The others are right-your friend is overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a single mom. Just go talk to her. Offer to help her clean her house and maybe offer to keep her baby once a week so she can clean and not have to worry about the baby. But only until your new one arrives. Maybe in that short time she will find a way to do it herself. BTW-where is her family? Can't they help or are they too far away? Maybe you can gather up a bunch of friend and give her a total housecleaning day, after which you can all treat your friend to dinner someplace not too expensive? Anyway, good luck, and bless you for your concern.
P.S. Don't go near the cat litter-very bad for preggies.
2007-07-21 05:24:26 · answer #2 · answered by magix151 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know as much as we would lile to beleive people can change some people are just the way they are. Some people are just fine with liveing in filth nomatter how bad it is. The Question you should try to get her to answer is if her house were to be cleened spottles for her would it end up just as it is now. Even if she is your friend maybe let what will be be even if it meens that her childern are taken from her. The child is inoccent and needs someone like you to protect it. So dont worry about being tactful to your friend just come out and say look if you dont klean this house-if you dont get rid of these stinky litter cats you will loose your children or child. And if she dont I hope you have it in you to be the one to call the athoritys for the innoccent babys sake
2007-07-21 05:23:15 · answer #3 · answered by Goat 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well it's difficult to say how to encourage her to do this. but how old are the children? is it just the 6 month old? if she has more children that are older then you can offer to help her with getting the children to pick up after themselves. she is not only putting her baby at risk with family services, but it is not teaching the children responsibility. maybe you can ask her if she could use a sitter for the baby so that she can get some house work done. other then that you may just have to be blunt with her and tell her that if she doesn't start keeping up with the cleaning that the state can and more then likely will step in to take her kids away. it's a sad thing to tell her the truth in a blunt manner, but better for you to do in now, then for the caseworker to do it.
2007-07-21 08:17:35 · answer #4 · answered by tabi_38024 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't think she was already know this!! I would believe her when she said she cleans her house one a day. Why not!! That what friends are all about -TRUST!! I would take her word for it, and go on with my life. You have two choices, one is ask her nicely with manner if you could help her because she is busy with the baby. OR, ignore her to keep the friendship. After all you don't have to live there or visit. I think the more you say something or let her know that it very border you, the more aggravate she would be with you. Friend or no friend, she is not going to change for you. She has to come to realize herself that she don't want to live like a pig any more, and might lost her baby to the child service. Be there to help and supporting her when she asks you for a help. That the best you could do for her.
2007-07-21 05:26:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps she lacks the basic skills to clean/organize a house? I agree with the previous responses that suggest you help her.
Help her so that she can help herself. In other words, teach her how to clean and keep the house clean. That daily "tidying up" routines will help her in the long run so that she isn't overwhelmed with a mountain of dirty dishes and laundry.
I'd approach it with something like, "You look overwhelmed with your house chores. Do you want some help? How about we spend a day together cleaning so that you feel better about your home? If you're interested, maybe we can come up with ways so that the chores don't build up?"
For her to lose custody of her baby because of poor housekeeping skills is truly sad. Let's hope that she is receptive to your overtures. Good luck.
2007-07-21 05:28:14 · answer #6 · answered by JC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I agree with everyone else help her. I would further and say help clean more then once. If she suffers from post partum cleaning the house is the last thing on her mind even if she has the skill of organizing and cleaning.
2007-07-21 05:36:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she's just overwhelmed. Instead of lecturing her or something, why don't you just offer to help out? Better yet, don't give her a choice about it. Just say you can tell she's tired and and needs some help and you're going to come over and help her clean up.
It would only take a day ... And I've found that, once the big scary mess is cleared up, it's much easier to keep things clean.
2007-07-21 05:17:11 · answer #8 · answered by some chick 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like she could use some support - especially if she has had postpartum depression issues. Help her - look into the social services available in your area. See if she can receive free/discounted therapy, see if there are other friends who can help her, what financial issues are at play that could be handled with outside agencies? Also, go & help her clean her house. I'm sure that she sees the problem - she may just feel too overwhelmed/powerless to do anything about it. If her friends (like you) can help her see the light at the end of the tunnel - it may help her to help herself.
2007-07-21 05:17:36 · answer #9 · answered by Jenn B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her a story of a mother in a similar situation. Make sure that it is not a comedy. Tell her stories of babies who get sick because of the dirty conditions they live in. Get stories of people who had really, REALLY nasty houses. Pictures are good. Never tell her outright that her house is a pigsty, but never deny the fact. Get examples, give them to her, and pray she begins to think.
2007-07-21 05:21:25 · answer #10 · answered by Curiosity (R.I.P.) 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋