WHAT DO I DO? I finally ask my new in-laws over for dinner last night, and half way through the dinner, my mother in law informs me that her other son is dropping her grandkids off at our house. Now, I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old in my living room and we're eating dinner in the kitchen. They were unsupervised, you can tell that my husband was upset about it, but we didn't say anything to my brother n law or my mother n law, we wanted to say that it was rude and inconsiderate of his brother and his mother. I made this effort to have a nice and quiet evening with my in laws to talk about the wedding....the honeymoon, but I seemed to be a day care drop off and the evening sucked. Now what do I do? Talk to her and him after the fact?????
2007-07-21 03:20:45 · 15 answers · asked by Caroline S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
thats life when you have big family
2007-07-21 03:24:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tough call.. I would say that your mother in law didn't like it either but she was probably put into a position she couldn't get out of.
I would drop it...and keep focused on the exciting part of planning your wedding.
On the other hand If it keeps happening then maybe suggest that you don't mind the kids but would just need some notice next time.
Why not ask your mother in law out to lunch, just you and her so you can include her in your wedding plans. Your mother in law will probably be elated to share her opinions with you.
Smile and tough it out. In laws usually don't hang around forever.
You always want to come through shining...that means smile and say it's okay and you will feel a lot better doing it that way then you will if you say something and inadvertently hurt your new families feelings.
2007-07-21 10:30:08 · answer #2 · answered by Dixie 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You do nothing-this is your future husband's battle and it couldn't come at a more perfect time. He should be the one to point out that mom shouldn't have invited others to dinner-even if it was his brother and kids. Not talking about it during dinner was ok because it probably would have turned into a fight. But, now, husband should have a talk with both of them-mom shouldn't have done it and brother should have let you know she did it and then declined her offer. If your bf won't have a serious talk with his family like this, you can bet he'll be afraid to have talks in the future on your behalf-ones that are more serious than this one. Better to know now if he'll wimp out on you to his family than after you're legally tied to him. Trust me, that will become a major thorn in your marriage.
2007-07-21 13:50:28 · answer #3 · answered by Katie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're preaching to the quire here. I have only been married for about two months now and already have to babysit my daughter in law's 4 kids three times a week every week. It totally sucks too. Don't get me wrong they are good kids and all for the most part but their ages are 2, 3.5, 5, and 9 and they get into damn near everything. An all my wife has to say to me is "Welcome to Married Life". I've never been into drinking much alcahol that often but am seriously considering doing it more often. What I do sometimes if I don't want everybody in the house is just fire up the grill and have some sort of entertainment to do outside for everybody. That will keep them out of the house if you're worried about the kids breaking your stuff.
2007-07-21 10:49:27 · answer #4 · answered by guitardan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband to be was the one who needed to say something to his parents. You were wise in not saying anything. If you did not get the chance to discuss the wedding plans that night, or if you did but don't feel all the information was talked about, what I would suggest is sending out a 'written invitation' to the future inlaws inviting them to dinner with a P.S. saying, no children. Should you receive a phone call about it, hand the phone to your furture husband and let him explain to his parents. If you feel uncomfortable sending out a written invitation, have your mate to be call his parents and invite them. He then can tell them no one else is invited, children and all. He'll know what to say and know how to handle the situation. At least I would think so.
2007-07-21 10:38:00 · answer #5 · answered by airlines charge for the seat. 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How incredibly rude!! They could have at least asked you!
Can you invite them over again? When you do, tell them that the last time you wanted to have just them over so you could talk. If they have the grandkids over again, you can say something like "Oh, we didn't realize we were interrupting your babysitting! We won't keep you, since you have to get going home. Maybe we should have dinner some other time."
The other option is to invite them to a restaurant for dinner.
Good luck.
2007-07-21 10:28:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've heard the old saying "you have to pick your battles"? Well, this is one of those cases. This isn't big enough to warrant going to battle over. No matter how nice you are in saying something, it WILL case strain and hurt feelings.....is it REALLY worth it? Just let it go unless it becomes a pattern. Next time you speak to her, tell her what a nice time you had, that you enjoyed having them over and that you can't wait for next time - that you hope to have a nice, quiet dinner just the 4 of you - say it in a joking, sweet way but she'll get the hint.
2007-07-21 10:25:49 · answer #7 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you need to nip this NOW if you're one who can't let things go! Since she's not your mother, you have to ask your husband to address this before you do. It would be fine for him to call and thank his parents for coming over. He could then say something like "Mom, you know I love my neice/nephew, but the next time you need to babysit for them, just let us know in advance if we have plans and we can re-schedule. Call me selfish, but we really just wanted to spend time with you and Dad and enjoy your company. Besides, if we had advance notice of the kids we could have childproofed the house and made sure they had something to eat".
If your husband doesn't lay down some ground rules now of what's acceptable and whats not acceptable, it's just going to get worse down the road. Start off on the right foot! We've all been there before!!
2007-07-21 10:29:38 · answer #8 · answered by Amy M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This time ignore it. In the back of my head I have to wonder if she was testing you. Pay attention to how she acts in other situations, has she done this before? Ask your husband if their family is that casual, to allow guest to invite guests without bothering to tell you.
If it was me, I would be all sweetness and light and give her a call and tell her how nice it was to have them over, yada yada. Then tell her that you would appreciate it if next time the kids will be joining her that she give you a heads up so you can have snacks and something for them to do available. What can she say about that? Be sure to tell them how cute they are.
Then, never ever invite them to dinner again unless its a family gathering. Nip this in the bud, her behavior was disrespectful and horrible. Be smarter than she is.
2007-07-21 10:28:24 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It may just be an isolated incident - so you shouldn't overreact. Just go with the flow this one time.
If it happens again then you should have a conversation about expectations about hosting children in your house.
But for now, just try to relax and get over it. It may be nothing.
Good luck!
2007-07-21 10:25:09 · answer #10 · answered by Karla 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right. it was rude of them to just drop off the kids. Now remember you are in this for better or for worse.. and all that jazz. You are new to the family and I would just ask nicely that next time they want to "drop off" the kids they give you some sort of notice. Tell them you want to make sure you have time to make your home kid friendly.. for the kids sake as well as your own.
2007-07-21 10:27:06 · answer #11 · answered by Lyn G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋