A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.... After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant.
The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn."
2007-07-21 02:11:43 · 20 answers · asked by "!" 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Classic! lol
2007-07-21 02:15:34 · answer #1 · answered by Athena 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ha!
Reminds me of the young pup who joined the French Foreign Legion. After six months of grueling hot sweaty work in the desert, and no female contact, he was really antsy.
He asked the sergeant what he should do. The Scottish sargeant pointed outside and said: "There's always the camel, mate."
'Oh, um, okay, I see' the young pup thought and went on about his business.
Six more months of grueling hot sweaty work went by and the young pup couldn't take it anymore. Finally one night he gave in and was screwing the hell out of the camel.
Sargeant walks by and shrieks: "Blimey all to bugger mate, ride our camel in to town, and at the whorehouse get yourself a lass!"
:-0
2007-07-21 07:06:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 carp
2007-07-21 03:02:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's this mate? that's my shaggy dog tale I had spoke back right this moment. do not submit jokes published by others. Have some greater. wish you like them. do not submit them. sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, replace into finally waiting to speak approximately what a considerate and exquisite guy her previous due husband have been. "Sidney considered each and everything," she informed them. "basically previously he died, Sidney referred to as me to his bedside. He surpassed me 3 envelopes. 'Tillie,' he informed me, 'I even have placed all my final needs in those 3 envelopes. after i'm lifeless, please open them and do basically as I even have recommended. Then, i will relax in peace'." "What replace into in the envelopes?" her friends asked. "the 1st envelope contained $5,000 with a be conscious, 'Please use this funds to purchase a helpful casket.' So i offered a captivating mahogany casket with this type of cushty lining that i know Sidney is resting very conveniently." "the 2d envelope contained $10,000 with a be conscious, 'Please use this for anice funeral 'I arranged Sidney an fairly dignified funeral and offered all his widespread meals for each guy or woman attending." "And the 0.33 envelope?" asked her friends. "The 0.33 envelope contained $25,000 with a be conscious, 'Please use this to purchase a helpful stone.'" protecting her hand in the air, Tillie reported... "So, do you like my stone?" exhibiting off her 10 carat diamond ring. Q. What does a woman's ******* do while she is having an orgasm? A. he's many times living house with the babies! A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding. using fact the officer tactics the automobile he can see that the guy is fairly aggravating approximately something. "stable afternoon Sir. do you recognize why i ended you?" "sure, officer... i know i replace into speeding--even although that's a controversy of lifestyles or dying." "Oh, incredibly? How's that?" "there's a bare lady waiting for me at living house." "i don't see the way it incredibly is a controversy of lifestyles or dying." "If i don't get living house previously my spouse does, i'm a lifeless guy." A trucker is going right into a whorehouse and palms the Madam funds. He says, "i want your ugliest lady and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that form of money, you have got one among my optimal females and surf and turf." The trucker says, "i'm not *****, i'm homesick."
2016-10-22 06:14:44 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have a friend who is a pig farmer! Guess who is getting this in his in box? Awesome!
Star for you!
2007-07-21 02:43:26 · answer #5 · answered by Indianamom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh my god the pigs actually enjoyed getting ******
and the farmers the one that got pregnant
2007-07-21 02:21:23 · answer #6 · answered by DILAILA!!! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Disgusting image but very funny.
2007-07-21 03:44:50 · answer #7 · answered by purplehairsarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice one calam lol
2007-07-21 02:17:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very very GOOD !!!!
I must give U a Star !
Aaron.
-----
"Calamity Jane", You are
almighty, I love Your jokes,
You always make me laugh...
You are "awful good" !!!
2007-07-21 02:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha ha.!!!
Another brilliant joke Calamity.!!!
10/10.!!!
Poor farmer, busy busy ha ha.!!!
2007-07-21 15:16:25 · answer #10 · answered by JAM123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋