My dad said he would send me money until I told him I didn't need it. Now he's not sending it?

Question

First of all, I have to say that my dad is an alcoholic who was never a part of my life. While I was in college, he sent me a small amount of money the 15th of every month. He did this for my sister too. He continued to give her the money for 2 years after she graduated. I JUST graduated, and he told me about a month ago that he'd continue to send me the money until I told him I didn't need it anymore. I'm pretty broke right now and my new job doesn't pay awesome, so I'm going to let him send me the money until he says otherwise. Well... he never sent it this month. I don't want to call him and ask for it, but shouldn't he have told me he was stopping sending it? I was depending on it until I told him otherwise (maybe a few months... but he gave it to my sister for 2 years). What should I do? Forget it or call him? I can't hardly talk to him because he's usually drunk. After he stops sending me the money officially, I'm cutting all ties with him.

Wow. F you all. You have no idea what my dad is like. He's a mean, drunk, jerk. You have no clue. I hope you all never have to have an alcoholic in your life who ruined your childhood. I think him sending me money is the LEAST he could do after the abuse I've taken from him for years.

Answer 1

u r being a spoiled brat you are old enough to support yourself

Answer 2

I'll be engaged with you if you send me money. I'll even email you more than 2 1/2 times a year. I'm just joking...it sounds like a scam to me. You can find a woman the right way. Remember the Beatles toon...Money Can Buy Me Love. Well it can't You can have a million dollars and be unhappy at home if you don't have the right spouce.

Answer 3

I kinda of understand you. Our family dynamics are similar....

I never wanted anything from my Dad - in fact, I was proud of the fact I didn't need him or want him for anything.

BUT - my brother felt differently. He felt like, since dear old dad was never there for us for anything, treated us poorly for 90% of our lives, and was generally a big dead beat dad, that he was going to use him to get everything that he felt was due him later in life (while he was in his early 20s). My brother did not USE my father, instead, he openly took things from him that he was willing to give (money, gave him an old car cheap, that kinda thing). Although this is NOT the route I would ever take, I did understand my brother's point of view, even though it was short of shocking when it first started going on.

I understand my brother and I understand YOU. I understand why you would want to cut ties with him if he stops sending the money. It's more about being hurt again, then it is about receiving the money, isn't it? He's your Dad. I don't think you should feel sad or ashamed by calling him to see what's going on with the monthly money. But just be prepared in case you don't like the answer he gives you.

I am sorry you are going through this - I wanted you to know that someone understands. Hang in there!

Answer 4

My father was an alcoholic too and the most important thing that you have to realize, just as I did, is that no one owes you any compensation for having to deal with a shitty childhood. Sure, maybe he sent your sister money for 2 years. Situations change. Maybe he doesn't have the money to send to you. Maybe he's hurt or sick. What you should do is call him up and say "Hey dad, just calling to check on you since I haven't heard from you lately." and leave it at that. Then pull yourself up by your bootstraps and make do on your own. Harboring bitterness to him for a situation he can't control is consuming too much of your efforts. Just let it go.

Answer 5

Do some self evaluation here. If you are using your dad just for a little bit of money and you are cutting all ties, does this seem a little heartless to you?

God tells us to honor our father and our mother so our days will be long upon this earth. Even an alcoholic coping with probably many ancestral sins deserves love from us. Why not love your dad just as he is and ask God to send someone to help him if you don't plan on doing it.

You know what a good dad he is to send money to a child your age. A grown up, who should be earning her own money and managing her own money.

Take a look at yourself and start loving your dad.

Answer 6

Maybe your father "wised" up after all these years and decided he didn't have to send money to his children especially if your father feels he is not getting anything back from his children. As in phone calls, visits, cards etc.

You are old enough to take care of yourself and shouldn't rely on your father's money. Your father has a disease which is alcoholism and who has been there for him?

You are using your father for what you can get out of him and this is SAD, very SAD.

Answer 7

You sound like your dad is just an ATM. Have you ever thought that maybe he can't afford to support you and his drinking? Have you thought about a 2nd job? Cutting ties with your dad doesn't sound like something new. You seem like your only communicating with him for money, anyway...why don't you just make it easy on yourself. Depend on yourself! That way, you don't feel like it's someone else's fault that you can't take care of you, Miss Graduate. Welcome to the Real World!

Answer 8

You are a user and I have no sympathy for you. If you said you did not need the money why are you expecting him to send any? if you needed the money you should have accepted it when he offered. You have no room to complain about him you are no better with your plan to use him for money and then break all contact. You are you father's child after all.

Answer 9

Call him and tell him you made a wrong disction, and compromise with him.