Is it "old fashioned" or preferred...?

Question

To conduct yourself as a gentleman to a lady you may happen to have your eye on?

From a female perspective - what do you prefer?

Is it still acceptable to open her car door for her, pay for dinner, and quietly listen and encourage her to talk rather than bragging about yourself?

Or do women prefer a guy who's a bit "louder" and more "self assured" - and basically a bit arrogant and a jerk?

I prefer to be the former - small gestures of politeness and particularly, staying quiet and listening to her talk.

Is this "old fashioned" or is it still appealing and attractive in a guy?

Thanks in advance!!

Also curious, conversation wise...

Is a deeper, more meaningful conversation more attractive to a girl? In this sense too I'm talking about a girl I've known for some time - not someone I've just met!! (As that could be strange with a newcomer)...

Why thankyou so far folks!! :-)

It does in my case come naturally (not so for some of my mates...but) but was curious if that natural tendency is a good thing or not!

Answer 1

I would find you charming, sweet, rare, and attractive. Manners are becoming a lost art. How wonderful it would be to have someone who seemed to enjoy your company and perspective in conversation! Oh you are a doll and some woman will be ever so lucky!

Answer 2

If you are genuine about holding the doors, paying for dinner, etc, then it's great! But I can always tell the guys that it comes naturally to, and the ones that are just trying to impress me - in which case it doesn't! I definitely like a man who's somewhat assertive, but cannot STAND ones that are loud and arrogant!
It's nice to want to listen to what she has to say, but you have to share some of yourself too...I love a man that can carry on a heated debate and still be open minded, or one that just has some input or an opinion of his own. I have to have someone who can carry on a meaningful conversation - that means a lot to me in relationships!
Being thoughtful is not old fashioned - it's thoughtful and always appreciated by this girl!
Be yourself...trust me, it works!

YES!!! That natural tendency is a great thing! When I know that you're doing those things because that's truly how you are - it means a lot. It tells me a LOT about you - sensitive, caring, thoughtful, respectful! Those are rare traits in a guy, and always special to find one that possesses them!

Answer 3

Being from the South, I, of course, prefer the gentlemanly type ;) . To me, a man holding the door open for me, saying "excuse me," looking me in they eye when I talk, are all little gestures that say a lot about that man. Your thing about listening quietly while the woman talks...I'm not quite I'm following that. Sure I think a man needs to be respectful and ready to listen to a woman, but as Toby Keith so elegantly puts it, "I wanna talk about me!">> men of course want and should talk about themselves, as well! The conversation should be about equal with the man showing respect and listening to the woman and vice versa. As far as type of guy when it comes to talking, I am (and have noticed most women are) attracted to a man who is very comfortable in his own skin-- has a lot of confidence but is not arrogant. I want a man who is able to stand up for himself and won't take any flack from rude people, but also one who is humble and kind. It is attractive when a man notices details (no, not necessarily the new dress a woman is wearing) and seems aware of what's going on. Yet he doesn't need to try too hard to impress but, rather, just be himself. The coolest guys are those who seem to know who they are and aren't afraid of being that, yet who are laidback and play it pretty smooth. There is nothing I can't stand more than an overly confident, arrogant male.

Answer 4

My husband is the only real gentleman I've ever met. When we first started dating he would hold doors, pull out my chair, open my car door, pay for my food, etc. It was great and I fell in love with him because of it.
And he fell in love with me because I told him he could stop and I'm not a princess. I can pay for a date, I can open a door. I'm more of a self reliant person so having someone do these things for me was odd but I loved every minute of it. He has not completely stopped but respects that I like to do things on my own so he will do small things so I'm not bothered. I think we've met a happy medium.
I don't like loud arrogant men. I like to be listened to but I also like input and I don't like to feel as though I'm making a conversation totally on my own. And I enjoy thoroughly hearing about your day, how you're doing, your childhood, your favorite places, where you want to travel, etc. If I think you're just going to listen to me all of the time then I won't get to know you and that's no fun either.
But yes, you're correct, I find a man attractive who is attentative and caring.

Answer 5

I think the little nice guestures a guy does for a girl, like open the door, listen to what she has to say, not bragging about yourself, etc goes a long way. I am glad we arent still in the ERA period where the gals were insulted because a guy did all this for them. I wasnt insulted by these little overtures, but some gals felt they needed to show their authority over guys. Ugg!

( that last is my opinion. ha ha)
anyway, I feel you are on the right track from what you say in your question. There is one thing I would like to add though, concerning dating. Dont pretend you like something if you dont. If the girl likes horses and you dont, tell her the truth. Dont let her think you like them when you dont. If this fact turns the girl away from you, then you didnt want her anyway.

thanks for listening, ( this was just an example, the girl might like snakes, the same rule applies)

Answer 6

I personally prefer a gentleman.

Eliza Doolittle said it best: The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated.

As for deeper conversations, they have to flow naturally for me. If it seems forced, then it's a turn off. I don't like the idea of knowing the guy is trying too hard. Everything should come across as natural. I also think confidence is sexy, but ********* is a turn off. Fine line, my friend. :)

Answer 7

Don't give up on being a gentleman just because of the feminazis out there. It's definitely still appealing, and I for one expect to be treated like a lady.

However, word to the wise - unless we're old friends, going steady, or on a date arranged by the guy - it's awkward to have someone else offer to pay for me whether it's a gentleman or another girl.

Answer 8

It may be old fashioned, but it is so attractive for a man to be a gentleman. Being a gentleman says so much about you. It shows respect, kindness, thoughtfulness. It shows a sense of self that has taken the time to make a conscious decision on the proper way to treat others. It shows a security within yourself in that you do no thave to berate others in order to feel good about yourself. Please continue to open that door, gentleman.

Answer 9

Little details are appreciated as long as they don´t seem fake. Open the car door for her, but don´t make a show of it. Be polite but also be cool. Joke around and be sure of yourself. Don´t act like a gentleman, be one!

Deeper, meaningful conversations can be interesting, but read her body language to make sure she isnt uncomfortable or bored. For instance, touching her face, especially her nose is a sign that she is uncomfortable. Looking somewhere else rather than at you would mean shes uncomfortable/bored. If you can see her legs and theyre crossed, if the leg on top is pointing in your direction, it means shes interested, otherwise, change the subject.

Encourage her to talk, everyone wants to be heard, but make it a two-way conversation.

Answer 10

I think it's wonderful that you are a bit "old fashioned". And I would also say it's preferred, but very rare these days. A lot of guys have it in their heads that a real man is tough and shows no emotion or tenderness - especially around other guys. But a real man is tough when he has to be, tender when he's with his lady and has no fear of his true feelings. Opening a car door is sweet, and listening intently while she's talking shows interest. Those are great qualities and I say... Keep it up. It will get you where you want to be - with a lady you deserve and who deserves you.

Answer 11

Oh thank God there are still gentalmen out there. *stands and claps my hands to you b/c you are part of a breed that is dieing out very fast if you arent the only oneleft*.
I personally prefer the former as well. A guy that conducts him self as a gentalman will more than likely get a second date from me. I think toohose traits are very appealing and super attractive in a guy.
And you have given me new found hope that there are still gentel men out there.