Would you date a someone with a kid, if you did not have one yourself?

Question

my friend asked me this(about his personal life- a girl he was getting close to), my opinion is no. It is hard enough having a one on one relationship with someone, without having a third ( the child that is not yours- so you have to deal with this person on a different level than your own child ) or even a fourth ( a biological father who is ever present) involved.

It also would affect any spontanaiety in the relationship ( you can't just go somewhere on a whim, which to me seems romantic), and if you do settle with this woman, if taxes your resources (kids cost alot of money...it's hard to raise your own, let alone somebody elses kids)

Does it also show an irresponsibilty on that persons part, if the child was out of wedlock?

Would your answer be different if the woman (or man) had been married when they had the child, and their partner had died ( car accident, Iraq, or other tragedy...mine would).

I am throwing this one out to start a dialogue.

Answer 1

I dated a girl with a kid. Everything was fine, I bought groceries, toys, went to the park, picked him up at school, etc. I always wanted to be a dad. BUT, one day when we were disagreeing on something, she said "Well you're not his father!" How can I compete with that?

And well, that's true, and it always will be. Maybe not all women will pull the "You're not really his dad so it's my choice" card, but I'm cautious now. If it happens again, I will not even try to make the relationship work, because it's already over. Our idea of family is already different, and there's nothing more important than a healthy family.

Answer 2

I've thought about this myself. Its one of those things where if the relationship was to get real serious and we decided to have a child, I question rather or not I would be able to see this child and treat this child 100% like I treat my own child. I've seen some pretty strong people treat they're step child with as much and even sometimes more affection than they give to they're own children but, I honestly don't know if I could do that. I'd like to think that I could but I honestly don't know. As for just dating someone, I might be able to do that. My only problem would come if things really got serious. Besides in some situations children can serve to only enhance the relationship. So, I don't think there is any real way of knowing rather you can or cannot until you're in that situation.

Answer 3

As a matter of interest, why are you including all the negative aspects?

Whether a person has a child or not, shouldn't make you love them any less, as with all relationships, you would have to work hard at it. Nothing gets handed to you on a plate, it's almost like you're blaming the kid for existing.

The person may support your addition to their family, which would diffuse the existing "dad" situation. As long as he could see you have every intention of supporting the childs welfare and education there shouldn't be a problem.

OK so the lady had a bad time in her past relationship and ended things, but she still loves her child and you can't blame her for that.

If you go into each relationship with those sort of blinkers, you're going to lose out every time. Lighten up.

Answer 4

Hey, that was not nice!!
I got married at a very young age and had 5 wonderful children.

I was divoriced for 10yrs bfore i remarried..and it was not bcuz no one wanted to marry me..it was my choice. no one was good enough to even come close to meeting my wonderful kids.

I was 33, when i met my husband now..he is 4 yrs younger then i am. He's never been married or any kids of his own. People always saying how lucky i am to meet someone as good looking as him and younger and signle and blaa, blaa, blaaaa.....my asnswer to them is..he is the lucky one...he married me and i have 5 children already for him. not only that, i am responsible enough to care for all my children on my own and they love me to dealth..children are wonderful blessings...he is the lucky one and blessed one.

Children are wonderful..you have them, so that when you grow old they'll take care of you and love you.

My now husband, we have 2 children together..we have a big family and we love it..every holiday and occassions we all get together..and it's wonderful.

Kids are kids...if you love them, when they grow up they will love you back and care for you..it does not matter whose kids they are.

Answer 5

I possibly does not date them because of the fact as quickly as you fall in love, you're somewhat in for it! make certain first in case you choose babies and additionally, extra importantly, in case you could cope with a dating with a guy who has very sturdy ties to his ex (the mummy of his babies) and in case you could cope with being a stepmother. individually, i'm able to no longer cope with those issues so I scratch off men with babies from my skill dates.