Daughter got in car accident please help!!!?

Question

IS MY DAUGHTER'S ACCIDENT MY FAULT!!

I feel awful and like a terrible mother after what happened tonight.

My daughter is 18 years old she's going to be a freshman in college. She was working late tonight in order to obtain more money for college and for her own benefit's.

She wanted to come to bingo with her grandmother and I. She said she didn't feel comfortable driving her car because she had no idea where she was going. I told her to follow me and on the way home she would turn left instead of right in order to get her to work.

I guess, my daughter got confused as to where to turn left and apparently was next to me in the left lane and honked her horn i guess to ask me if she should go. I didn't notice and kept driving.

I knew her cell phone was dead

I guess she got lost and ended up in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone. She finally found her way to a town near by and phoned me from a local store crying hysterically. I told her I'd be there to pick her up.

When I got there she over reacted like I've never seen her before. She was shaking and swearing at me in the parking lot. Swearing like F** you F*** you I've never heard those words out of my daughter's mouth!

I was ashamed and embarrassed and people were looking at her she made a HUGE scene!

She told me she didn't feel comfortable driving to work but I told her she had to drive. And that it would be fine. She was shaking and crying I told her she would be late for work.

Well, she kept insisting she did not feel comfortable driving and stopped the car got out and said mom I'm upset please just drive my car.

note: i could not drive her car and my car home!

Well, my daughter ended up somehow turning out of the parking lot all upset and hit a pole flipped her car and totaled it. She got out of the car started crying hysterically.

The cops came and gave my daughter a ticket for reckless driving.

I feel awful like this is my fault!
is it my fault!!?

Answer 1

No, it's not your fault. Your daughter is 18 and is going to be in college. She's a little behind when it comes to driving at least somewhat comfortably. Learning to drive is scaring, I'll admit, but you just gotta learn to do it. Sometimes, you get into a little trouble here and there, but it's part of the learning process. Since driving can't be mastered from a text book alone, these hiccups are inevitable. So, don't blame yourself.

Answer 2

well, you should have listened to her when she said she did not feel comfortable. She knows her own limits. why did you insist she drive? I am not saying it is ANYONE's fault. things happen. I am saying it sounds like you do not communicate well. She will probably blame you and you will have to learn to cope with it. But if she could not go to bingo with u in the same car and leave to go home with you in the same car she should have declined going sense she said she did not feel comfortable. That is what responsible drivers do. They use their better judgment. You both have a certain amount of responsibility. However hers is grater for getting behind the wheel in the first place. well I hope your daughter wasn't hurt and I hope this doesn't become a family issue that causes you anymore grief than your dealing with now. And I hope you both communicate better in the future. A lack of communication is what I would call it. You did not understand how serious she was and she got flustered, as many young drivers do. I hope no-one was hurt. Good luck to you all, and Praise God she "walked away". You can replace a car but not a kid.

Answer 3

First of all, it was her choice to go, presumably - knowing full well the awkwardness of the situation. She ould have charged her cell phone, she could have suggested an alternative (such as the one I decribe below).

But.. she did tell you she was uncomfortable, and presumably you knew (or should have known) her limitations as a driver. At 18, she hasn't been driving long.

It sounds like she was plainning to go to work after bingo? You could have let her park at work, picked her up and dropped her off there. You could have made sure both of you had working cell phones.

The first time, it seems you knew she was to follow you, but did not pay attention to where she was or that she was no longer behind you. I understand her frustrations, especially in light of her uncomfortability and your role as lead driver/navigator. You were responsible for guiding her, and apparently did not notice that she was no longer following.

Next, your daughter is clearly upset and angry and repeatedly telling you she was not up for driving - yet you make her anyway. You could have driven her there and dropped her off; someone could have gotten her after her shift. It would have been an inconvenience, true - but it would have been safest and the most curteous way to go.

You didn't; you basically coerced her into driving, because it was most convenient for you.

I believe in personal responsibility, and in that regard your daughter bears the largest share - but even there, mostly for following your orders.

But you failed in essential parenting responsibilities, in my opinion, as well as basic human decency. Many people would treat a stranger in need better than you treated your daughter.

I pray you both learn from what happened.

Answer 4

Driving is an extremely dangerous activity. Since it's so common, even necessary in our society, people tend to ignore the astounding numbers of people who are killed while driving. Unless you enjoy skydiving, or get in gunfights on a regular basis, it is probably more dangerous than anything else you have ever done. As such, it requires, and deserves, complete concentration.

How did you expect your daughter to concentrate completely on her driving when she is in the middle of a severe emotional episode? By your own admission, you had never seen her so angry and distraught. And you expect her to operate a vehicle safely?

Is she even going to be able to see the road (or a pole) with her eyes filled up with tears?

Apparently not.

Yes, I understand she's late for work. It doesn't matter if she's late for a meeting with the President, she has no business being on the road when she is not in control of her faculties.

I'm stunned that you would ALLOW her to drive in this frame of mind. But, you didn't just allow it, you INSISTED upon it, in the face of her better judgement, for the sake of your convenience!

This is 100%, completely, your fault. Pay for her ticket. Pay for the increase in her insurance rates. If she paid for the car, pay for another car for her. Go to her court date with her, and explain to the judge how this was 100%, completely, your fault.

Your daughter knew she had no business being on the road during an emotional breakdown, and tried repeatedly to convey that to you. Her only mistake was obeying you.

To the daughter: You are an adult. You need to make your own decisions, because you are the one who gets in a wreck if the wrong decision is made, not your mother. Never, ever, allow anyone else to make a decision that puts your life in danger. Next time you need help, if your mother refuses, call a friend.

Answer 5

No, it's NOT your fault, and she had no business tossing you those f-bombs, no matter HOW stressed and upset she is! Do not put up with allowing her to treat you so disrespectfully EVER, and do not feel guilty over this. I'm appalled at how disrespectfully this generation of teenagers treats their parents and how the parents meekly put up with it. Lost or not, 18 year-olds should know how to make safe left-turns. And she should keep her cell phone charged at all times. If she can't take personal responsibility for her own actions, then she has an immaturity problem that perhaps you can help her with.

Answer 6

Not your fault, she is just really upset with the incident, just work with her on this.. Obviously things didn't go as planned, but things hardly do anyways. Just talk to her about it, be calm, let her yell and scream, show her that everythings ok, and that you'll work with her on this..

Mom's can fix everything i'm telling you! Just don't get mad at her.. She will say things she doesn't mean cause she is so upset and freaking out.. Just accept that part

Answer 7

don`t worry about the person who gave the first answer. It`s not ur fault cas u couldn`t drive two cars at a time and i will suggest u find out why ur daughter was so confused, is she on drug? So u just try to put all in order, ur mother and daughter.

Answer 8

Wow. Sounds like you were wrong Mom, sorry to say. Sounds like you have a wonderful daughter. One that is working her way through college and likes to spend time with her Mom and Grandmother.
She told you she was too upset to drive and she told you she wasn't comfortable driving because she didn't know where she was going and you still left her?? And left her with a cell phone you knew was DEAD?
Yes, Mom, you were wrong and you are lucky your daughter is OK.

Answer 9

wait did you even go to the hospital with her?
ok first youcould have followed her to work.
or you could have drove her to work and left her car
then yall could have picked it up in the morning when
she could see were to go. I f she told you several times
she was uncomfrotable driving like you said that was
a sign for your mothering instinct to kick in.
From my piont of view Yes it is your fault.

Answer 10

Driving 101, you have to be comfortable to drive saftely, she wasn't and you were like her friend pressuring her to smoke. Instead of peer pressure it was mom pressure. you could have left her car and went back another day with her to get it, just tell the store owner or manager!