I do not know what to do about my step-dad caming out of jail for what he did. I think that am readdy to let go of wat he did to me and my sister. should I tell him I for gave him but iIwill not for get what he did to me? so what I do?
2007-07-20 16:47:32 · 28 answers · asked by preppygurl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Depends. If he sexually or physically abused you in any way, you should be kept far far away from him and never see him again. I would be extremely surprised if your mother ever allowed him near either of you again.
If he took your cell phone away from you or grounded you from driving...go ahead and forgive him.
2007-07-20 16:51:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your mother takes this man back after what he did honey, you get out and you get out of there fast. Your grandparents, your aunt, a teacher, another friend's parents...whatever, where ever...you just go. You don't talk to this man. Jail does not cure people sweetie, it just gives them better ideas.
And no, you do not have to forgive him, that will come in time and when you are ready. But there is one thing you need to understand. Forgiving someone isn't meant for the other person. It's meant for you. When you forgive someone, you let go of the anger, you stop letting the hurt control you and you never give that man an ounce of thought. Forgiveness is for you...but only when you are ready to let this go.
And it's very wise to say forgive but not forget. It means that you are grown up enough to know that what he did was wrong.
Keep your chin up sweetie, don't let this man control the decisions you make for the rest of your life. He is nothing. You are everything.
2007-07-20 17:07:33 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my stepdad molested me often and my little sister a couple of times. I was afraid of him and afraid to tell anyone. When I finally got up enough nerve, I told my mom. That was back in the 70s. She went to a divorce lawyer and he scared her out of filing for divorce. The original thing was to divorce because he molested us girls. Then the lawyer told me mom that it would get ugly. They would have me on the stand in court, etc., etc. Anyway, she wound up going back to him. That was like a knife through my heart. That was when I was 13 and now I am 49. Well, they eventually separated and he passed away. I can't forgive things like that. He never seemed to regret the things he did. The problem is that if you tell him you forgive him, will he take it that what he did to you was not so bad? Why is he back in your life? Is your mom going to resume right where they left off? I wish she wouldn't. I felt like my mom chose this creep (my stepdad) over me. She continued to keep his photo in her purse until she passed away last November. I was very protective of my own children...I have four. I always put their safety and well-being first. ALWAYS! I hope you mom will think hard about taking him back.
2007-07-20 17:04:07 · answer #3 · answered by BLM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends what he did to you, and if you are always thinking about or horrified by what he did to you, then I don't think you are 100% at forgiving him. just let time pass, and see if you still have thoughts about the incident(s). if you are able to think about it and have no resentment, no grudge, or feeling of unhappiness then you might be ready to forgive him.
it is always good to forgive, but i don't know what he did, and how severe was his violation. but i guess, it's always up to the person (victim) because some ppl have bigger hearts and can forgive easily. but remember, make sure you can truly forgive him. there's no need to rush. just let time pass by and see how you still feel about the incident.
if he did something really bad to you and your sister, please be more careful and stay away from him for a while.
2007-07-20 16:54:26 · answer #4 · answered by hello 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends entirely on what he did to you and your sister. I would think that something like: It's a thing of the past that I will never forget" should do the trick though. If it was something very bad then I would think that in order to forgive would take time, but that is a choice that only you can make.
2007-07-20 16:52:27 · answer #5 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It depends on what he did. If he molested you and your sister, I think you don't need to be around him or talk to him. You can forgive him in your heart and then move on, but I don't think you should interact with him. By telling him you forgive him, it almost makes it seem like you're sorry he went to jail for hurting you and your sister. Don't make him out to be the victim-you're the victim. So forgive him in your heart so you can let it go and go on with your life, but don't say it to him. You're right to let it go...release honey and move on ahead in your life. Don't let his scumminess hold you back emotionally,mentally,or physically. I wish you the best!!!
2007-07-20 17:05:04 · answer #6 · answered by tweenki48 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm very sorry for the bad things that happened to you and your sister. Yes, you should always forgive. Your not forgiving doesn't punish him in any way; it only hurts you to hold it inside. So forgive to free yourself of the consequences of the bad thing that he did to you. It's good not to forget the past because we can learn from it. But please do forget... it'll be the best thing you can do for yourself. I wish your family a smooth adjustment at this important time.
2007-07-20 17:02:57 · answer #7 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you should probably forgive him but you didn't say what for, if he molested you then I would be reluctant to be too quick to forgive. I think this happens more than you think though, men that have no investment in a womans children that aren't their own and don't care about those children sometimes, some women are so quick to bring someone in the house to screw they put their children at risk. blame your mom as well. she set it up. I don't think you will benefit holding on for the rest of your life, you children may as you will be careful whom you bring home.
2007-07-20 16:57:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My name is Caroline and I am writing you from a new talk show on NBC called The Steve Wilkos Show. This show was created to help people going through serious problems and get them help. You and your sister should be able to confront your step-dad and talk to him about your feelings with Steve there to back you up. We will help you through this, and bring everyone to Chicago, all expenses paid, to work everything out. Please call me toll free at 877-836-3405 as soon as you can!
2007-07-21 07:11:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is easy forgetting is not. If you choose to forgive, don't assume that you have to play the happy daughter and trust him again. He violated a trust, and most likely will never get that back. Consider talking to a local pastor, if you don't already attend church. I have been there, and will pray for you.
2007-07-20 16:53:39 · answer #10 · answered by HH6 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only answer from my Christian perspective. Whether he asks you to or not, you need to forgive him. You only need to tell him you forgive him if he asks you for forgiveness. If he never asks for forgiveness, then you should probably just avoid him. Privately forgiving him will bring peace to your life and satisfy God's expectations. It's ok to avoid any situation in the future where you think someone is going to be hurtful or abusive.
2007-07-20 17:17:03 · answer #11 · answered by j c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋