How can I stop feeling like a burden on everyone all the time?

Question

I have three issues to address.

The first is that I have always been unwilling to ask for things that I want or need. I was ten before I could order in restaurants and even now, at 15, I prefer to not have to talk to the waiter.

It is becoming an issue now because I really need new clothes (everything is from when I was 12 and 13, it's too small to possibly work and I feel like a dumbass in everything I have) but I feel spoiled getting new clothes. As a matter of principle, I'm giving my clothes to Goodwill, but it's the new stuff that's the problem. Also, I haven't really worn a lot of what I own because I hate it but was pressured in to getting it.

I'm already expensive...my food, education and allowance are way too high, and I need Concerta which adds up too.

The problem isn't the clothes, really, it's the underlying insecurity. If I do anything I like, I feel terribly guilty and depressed, and that I have to make up for it somehow.

I also have an issue with paranoia.

My allowance is $30 a week, I keep the front of the apartment (dining room and kitchen) clean, do the dishes every night and scrub down the bathroom once a week. Out of that I pay for everything, but if I want to go anywhere, I have to pay at least $4, usually somethin like $6 or $8 in one day. Otherwise I would just buy the clothes myself.

I know the paranoia is irrational, but I don't know why anyone likes me. It's stupid, and selfish. I have a boyfriend, I'm in a band, my family's together, and I'm doing well academically. If I don't get perfect scores I get angry and depressed.

I love my boyfriend, and I know he loves me but at the same time I always feel like I don't measure up to what he deserves. I don't know why he loves me.

I guess it could just be that I'm 15...

I mentioned the clothes because I think liking the way I look will help my social confidence (which currently doesn't exist), there's nothing quite like jeans three inches too short to make you feel stupid

I do feel guilty about getting an allowance, that's another burden on my parents.

Transportation takes up all of my allowance. Transportation to and from museums, band rehearsals, and other classes.

I also can't afford the massive overhaul I now need, the only clothes that fit me are one pair of jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, a T-shirt -barely- and a sweatshirt. Even those are barely long enough.

To be honest about my parents, they've offered in the past to get me some new clothes, but I've always declined.

Everything's just so expensive, and I have a fraternal twin who just had expensive surgery, they have to pay for two 15-year olds while living in the most expensive city in America.

Answer 1

It sounds possible that you could have depression or an anxiety disorder and/or social phobia. You need to start seeing a counselor. If your parents refuse to send you to one, talk to a teacher you trust or a guidance counselor or religious leader (if you belong to a house of worship and feel comfortable with him/her) who can talk to your parents if they refuse to listen to you or admit you need help. Also, you might see if there's a close relative you can try to talk to, who might be able to talk to your parents if they flat out refuse to listen.

I don't know them, but it seems they don't seem like they will refuse to listen, especially if you are already taking Concerta. In that case, talk to them, and talk to your doctor the next time you go.

I have depression and guilt is a symptom of depression, especially if it's consuming like it appears to be for you.

Answer 2

I've felt the same way, though not for a long time. For me it was my depressive air, acting like a wet blanket, always having dark thoughts, feeling sad and eventually lonely. I think in my case the understanding was missing. If you understand one another then you may not feel like a burden. Burden is an ambiguous term and it could mean a few different things, once that word will disappear and you understand and know the truth then you'll be able to act upon it. Even if you are a burden you'll know why and be able to solve the problem because you don't want to be a burden. I suppose the word and feeling of 'burden' is like a blanket covering an object - the truth. Maybe you are a burden and don't know why, maybe you aren't and they love you. Perhaps you feel this way because of something else - within yourself, maybe you think you could do more but they don't mind. I don't really know but I do understand that the burden feeling has a reason for being. It doesn't just pop out of thin air and suddenly you feel that way, it's cause and effect.. Nature and logic, reason. I suppose the question 'why I feel like a burden?' would be good, though it may be a hard one to answer. Your family saying you're not doesn't answer the question, you still feel that you are. Maybe you feel like you're capable of more or you could do more.

Answer 3

Sweetheart, you've got some issues here that are not normal for a 15 yo, are not normal for anybody--feeling guilty because you need clothes and medicine, paranoia, depression. You're withholding happiness from yourself and have to make yourself miserable to make up for it. That's no way for a teenager to live.

Yes, your life outwardly is great. But you've got some chemical problems in your brain that are making you feel this way, and they need to be adjusted. You need to work up the courage (send me the address, I'll do it for you) to tell your parents you need to visit the psychiatrist. Because you do. And everyone in your family will be happier when there's a happier you around the house.

Debbie
e-mail me

P.S. I take concerta, too, 3 tabs every morning. I used to take 4.

Answer 4

I think that you could really use some counseling in being able to assert yourself. If your clothes do not fit, then you need to bring this to the attention of a parent. When shopping for clothes, you need to assert your opinion and get clothes you feel comfortable wearing.

You sound like you some other issues (guilt, paranoia) that should be worked out through counseling. You may be able to do this through your school counselor or church free of charge.

Answer 5

You need to go talk to your parents. This is a first sign of a serious problem such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. Talk to your doctor. Every parent loves their kids and will do anything, and also build up some self esteem. and dont build up a wall against society because its unheathy for you. Go to your doctor and talk to him.

Answer 6

You feel guilty asking for things, but have no problem receiving an allowance? Why don't you save your money from your allowance and buy yourself the new clothes?

Answer 7

it all sounds age appropriate to me.

practice ordering things at a restaurant - get some friends so you have someone to share with.

do some volunteer work so you can see that others also have needs and feel awkward at times.

Answer 8

Hun, Your Not a burden! I always thought I was to. You need to get into some consuling and talk to your parents hun.