My husband and I are raising his teenage daughter, well we thought she was his daughter. As she got older my husband knew deep down she wasn't his, now she looks exactly like his ex-best friend. When I saw a picture of his friend I knew immediatly he was her father. We recently found my husbands ex-friend got together with the low down mother and decided to say my husband was the father. This all happened when he was 19 so he didn't have enough sense to get a blood test he just assumed responsibility. her biological father is in jail and can't do anything for her anyway. I really want to confront him and her mother about what they did. I planned to write a long letter to the sperm donor to get everything off my chest, I really just want to let him to know what I think of him for what for what they did.I want to confront her mom also, but I don't wnt to hurt my step daughter while doing this because she doesn't know about any of this. Should I just leave it alone?
2007-07-20 16:29:00 · 8 answers · asked by Vanessa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It was my husbands daughter's maternal grandmother that told us the truth.
2007-07-20 16:32:15 · update #1
It's kind of a tough situation honey. Being that your daughter is in the teenage years, she already has enough issues going on without throwing fuel onto the fire of raging hormones. It would be best to leave her out of it for now. (eventually you are going to have to tell her, jsut not now). As for the bio-hazzard mom, I'd have a few words for her myself, but because I'm sure there is visitation involved, anything you say to her is going to be taken out on this poor child...so you may want to wait with that one too. But the sperm donor? Yes, he needs a letter and a fricken wake up call, as well as a bill for past due child support.
The situation is a tough one and it's going to be delicate situation considering what is at stake. On one hand, this guy needs to know you guys know what is really going on. On the other, I'm leaning towards just letting it go. This girl is lucky enough to end up with you and your husband. She may not be yours biologically, but she is yours in every other sense of the word. You are her parents. That is what she knows and what she trusts to be true. Do you really want to open this can of worms, have it get out, and the poor child stuck in the middle? Or worse yet, run the risk of her being taken away from the two of you because legally she has other parents? Imagine her life with them as her parents. It's a scarey thought, but a harsh reality that happens day in and day out.
I understand your frustration and your anger. It infuriates me just knowing that people can do these types of things to their children. However, God put her in your hands for a reason. Don't toss her into theirs.
2007-07-20 16:53:20 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just leave it alone. You will only hurt his daughter and it's not worth it just so you can get it off your chest. Though, I really do think that your husband should tell his daughter and let her decide if she wants a blood test. She deserves to know the truth and will be really mad at her dad if she finds it out on her own. That's a tough situation but I don't think she will ever not love her "dad" when she finds out that he is not her biological father.
2007-07-20 16:41:28 · answer #2 · answered by Be me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think that you should. I mean would you really want that girl to go into the custody of a lying mother like that? Hell if she lied to push her off on your husband, who knows what kind of things she would tell to that girl if it ever went to court or something. And what if the ex friend didn't even know himself that he was the father? I mean he probably had sex with her and then did whatever and has been in jail ever since. So he probably didn't really know either. I think the best plan of action here is to wait for a decent and right enough time to talk to the girl about her real parents. But you can't really get involved any more than that. The mother will in time get hers, but don't do anything that has her seeking custody and then end up abusing her.
2007-07-20 16:37:29 · answer #3 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As much as it kills you, if you really love her let it go. Pray every day to get rid of the anger - don't let it change you or your husband from being good people. Keep it under control. What goes around does come back around even if it takes forever. Sounds like you have your head on straight by putting your step-daughter into the equation. Sounds like she is very lucky to have you two to count on. Some day she will find out, and you can still tell her that no matter what you were there for her because you love her. I think it will all work out.
2007-07-20 16:40:36 · answer #4 · answered by Sweetness 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write the letter to get it all off your chest and then burn it immediately. Unless you're willing to tear this girl's life apart with allegations and extended fights about who dad really is there is nothing to be gained by confronting either the maybe bio father or the mother right now. It sounds like the lies he's told and bad deeds he's done are already haunting him anyway.
2007-07-21 04:23:43 · answer #5 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You act like someone wronged YOU. This is your husband's burden, you should help him, but you have no business dealing with the scumbag in jail. Also, I notice you make no mention of the child other than to say that you're raising her. Has it occurred to you that this might be a terrible burden for her as well. Get over it, no one did anything to you.
2007-07-20 16:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is a tough one.. i understand wanting to confront them but would it change anything? do you want these people in your step daughters life? if not it would be probably best just to leave this one alone in the end its what is best for her and it sounds like she is better off
2007-07-20 16:33:43 · answer #7 · answered by RoseyRevisited 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let sleeping dogs lie
2007-07-20 16:37:26 · answer #8 · answered by keezy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋