I'm 30 years old and am a single mom. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year & half.?

Question

We've decided to move in together. My child is 2 1/2 years old. My boyfriend is not his biologicial father. His biological father is not and never will be in the picture. (I was widowed while pregnant with him) He feels that my boyfriend is his dad. I told my parents and they told me I am going to hell (I'm Catholic) & that God will punish my son for what I have chosen to do and that is what will disgrace our family. I need some input on how to deal with them. I don't want them to not be in our lives but they need to just accept I am an adult and that talking about the situation over and over isn't going to change anyone's opinion. They feel that my boyfriend not wanting to discuss it with them means he is scared of them and won't "man up" to what we've decided. We feel that they are my parents and as an adult he doesn't need to be grilled and insulted by them. I am their daughter so I feel that I am obligated to at least listen to them. He doesn't need to do that. Any input?

My parents insist that showing my son that we are shacking up means we have no respect for each other and that he will turn into an evil person. I feel that if we show him a loving and dedicated family our son will be fine. We have talked about marriage and feel that is something we will do way before our son goes to school..probably in next year or two. So our committment to do this is also part of our committment to stay together. But my parents just won't let it alone. I don't want them telling my son that we are evil people. It's not the grandparents job to teach the grandkids. Will I tell him the truth years down the road if he asks and has dilemmas in his life. Of course.

I think they are kind of mad that I let my son call my boyfriend Dad. I was married to my son's biological dad. He lied, cheated, and stole money from our accounts. Then while I was pregnant our house was going to be foreclosed on and he killed himself while I was at work. So my son doesn't have a clue about this obiviously but I think it makes my parents feel like they have to protect me forever. Though I have put my life back together and done really well. That is behind me in my mind, I just don't think in theres.

My boyfriend isn't Catholic and his mother was a single mom. His grandparents helped raise him along with some other close relatives. I think that's another reason my parents are so biased because they don't think he knows how to do things the right way...aka their way because his family is different. They are nice people and have been really accepting and generous towards me and my son. They don't care what happened in the past or if I agree with them or not. They take me as I am. I can't believe my own parents won't.

I honestly feel that this is good and that we will get married. And if as someone posts that this goes bad I will never live with another man before I get married. I have known this man for years as a friend before we ever started dating when we really were just friends and there was no need to hide things or sugar coat things for each other. That is another reason I feel that this is going to work out.

He's gone. My parents weren't the reason but I am very mad at them too. Pray for me.

Answer 1

The only input that I have to offer you is what I went through. When I was 30 (am now 35), I met my current b/f. I was in a situation where I needed a place to live and he had one to offer so I moved in with him. My parents are religous nuts and they didn't like it at all. But I was 30 yrs old and tired of making decisions based on what my parents thought. They judged me, judged my b/f, told me I wasn't living for "God"...I just couldn't take their small mindedness anymore so I ignored them and moved anyways. They have not spoken to me now in over 5 years. There are days that I miss my dad, but I wouldn't go back for anything. Cutting the apron strings was the best decision that I ever made. I suppose that the dramatic way it happened was the only way for me to ever really move on and begin to think for myself. The only thing that I can tell you is what you already know. Stop letting them run your life for you. If what they think isn't going to change your opinion, you have two options: Ignore what they say and stick around or stop talking to them altogether. It really isn't as hard as it sounds. Good luck.

Answer 2

1) With the situation you are putting the boy in, you can forget your son being able to hold a relationship together for more than 5 years. He will use you and his semi-dads lack of respect for the institution of marriage as how to do things.
2) The man you are moving in with will probably have to move out in four years. This is mostly due to the tension from the child. The child is going to understand this some day and feel guild that he drove the closest thing he had to his father to run away.
3) The reason why you got married to a man that was violent is because you are orgasmicly turned on to bad boys that treat you like garbage. I strongly suspect that you are moving in with the same type of person. If this is true then start a college fund that can also be used for drug rehab, defense attorney and mental health hospitals.
4) There is nothing you can get living together that you cant get living separate. There is nothing in this for you. You are also putting your son at great risk. When you are going to split apart, the break up is going to be a hateful fist fight that only the lawyers will make money on.

When you have children you are supose to make sacrafices. All you did on this question is talk about your self. What in this entire situation do you have to show that anything you are doing is in the best interest of your son.?

Answer 3

Your parents have told you the truth. What is wrong with marriage? There is a saying. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free. Get marry dear. Your child should never witness you sleeping with some one you are not married to. How many men will he get to see you with. And he definitely will not respect you when he grow up. Have you heard what happens to a disobedient child? Do you think because you are grown you are no longer their child. They are still interested in your welfare.Your boyfriend knows it's wrong. That's way he don't want to face them. Believe me you will need your parents again in life. Probably when he get through with you. As time go alone he will not respect you either because he saw have you respected your parents wishes. Now go ahead and do what you want to. I am not just a anybody giving you advice. I am a woman of God and will not tell you wrong. What you are about to do is also out of the will of God. It is called fornication. Just thought I would throw that in to you. I do disagree about your child suffering for what you do. You will pay for your own sins. Not your son. But your child is the most valuable thing to you. So take it from there. Read Psalms 1:1 And that's what's most of the answers on Yahoo answers are you get .

Answer 4

You sound like you are very mature and have your sons best interest at heart. That is the most important thing. Hopefully, things will work out the way you have planned. I only worry that if something does go wrong in your relationship it will leave your son missing his father role model. You don't mention what kind of relationship your boyfriend and your son have, but I assume that it is a good one. I am Catholic too and my parents would definitely not like the idea of me "living in sin". My boyfriend and I do not live together because our children are teenagers and neither of us want to show that example, but your son is still young. If you love him enough to live with him, why not marry him? Do you have doubts? If so, you shouldn't live with him either. Statistics show that living together before marriage does nothing to improve a marraige in the long run. Hear your parents out and do what you think is best for you and, more importantly, for your son.
Good luck!

Answer 5

Where were you living, as a 30 year old adult, before you decided to move in with your boyfriend? At home with your parents? Did you move in then told your parents? Or did you discuss it with them and explained to them why you decided to move? Were your parents there when you needed them? Do they deserve a little courtesy and respect? No, God won't send your son to hell but you will have to live with all the consequences if this "live in" doesn't work. It is very difficult for married folks to stay together, even when it cost a great deal of pain and suffering when couples split. I really hope things work out for you.

Answer 6

Are they mad that you have told your son (or let him believe) that your boyfriend is his dad? If so, first of all, I don't think that will send your son to hell. But, it seems reasonable to just wait until he's a little older and then explain what happened to his dad and that your boyfriend loves him very much, as if he were his own son (if, in fact, this is true). But if they're mad that you have moved in together... well, I don't know what to say. It does sound like everyone is overreacting a bit (maybe some more than others). I'm sorry I couldn't be more help. Good luck!

Answer 7

You have a lot of issues to deal with as do your parents. I can understand your parents having reservations when your boy friend of 1 1/2 years won't speak / discuss things. Perhaps they feel he is going to alienate you and their Grandson.....instead of joining your family, he appears to be ignoring them. Your lack of mentioning his family is also a possible red flag.......a lot can be learned about a person by the way he/she treats or interacts with their family.
At the same time you are 30 years old and quite capable of making adult decisions and the simple act of asking advice indicates you may have some reservations.
I don't think your parents approach is the proper way to handle things either....to say you are going to "Hell" and that God will punish your son for your actions is a method of control by use of threats. Were you my daughter I would voice my concerns, but if you seemed determined to be with this man then I would accept your choice despite my reservations, and would also tell you that no matter what happens you would still be loved.
Perhaps the one thing I would recommend is some "Family" counselling.

Answer 8

I say move on. It obvious he's unstable. I know it's hard to get over someone, especially if he fathered your child. But your child needs a stable home. Do you really want to your child to grow up knowing that his father cheats on his mother? Kids are very smart and no matter how much you try to hide his father's crazy behavior he will notice something isn't right as he gets older. You should be treated with respect. His past is not an excuse for how he treats you or his son. Is this the example you want to set for your child? Should he think that this is how women are to be treated? If you don't leave him for yourself leave for the baby.

Answer 9

I am sorry you have to go through this...
but i just dont understand why your parents choose to give you a hard time instead of being happy for you.
you have been through a lot and they should just be happy for you that you found a nice guy who loves you and your little one.
Do you know why your parents dont like your boyfriend? Is it just because he refuses to be insulted by them?
Why do you parents think that you will go to hell? Is it because you are going to live with someone you are not married to??
If so then, I would just ignore them for right now and do whatever you feel is right for you and your little one. Your parents probably dont know how difficult it is to raise a child all by yourself! Even though they are your parents and mean good for you, sometimes they just get carried away in their beliefs and prejudices and may not necessarily think of your happiness. So ust do whatever you want to do! Plus it is nice for your little one to have a father figure around.

May be with time your parents will come around when they see how happy you are and how great is your boyfriend!!!

Good luck!

Answer 10

Im sorry but Im gonna be honest and I dont think your gonna like my answer but it,s my opinion and I stand by it 100% Why not get married? If you,ve been together for a year in a half where,s your ring and date? If your good enough to have sex with and good enough to move in with why is he not marrying you? And dont tell me your waiting for the right time, I mean come on, If this guy truly loved you he would get down on one knee and have you become his wife not his plaything. Im sorry but I just think this is not a good thing for your baby to see, I mean your child deserves better than this, If this guy loves your child like you say he does then he will make a life with you as a real family not a shack-up honey with a kid in the picture. Be smart, dont let him move in without a commitment, called marriage. Im catholic also and I also know your parents will never accept this man unless you make a commitment with him, you dont want to risk losing your family over your boyfriend, just try and understand they only want what is best for you and their grandchild, and do you blame em? I only wish I would have listened to my parents when I was younger, It would have saved me and my children alot of heartache and stress, think before you leap.