long funny joke?

Question

One day, Ken complained to his friend, 'My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a Doctor.'

His friend offered, 'Don't do that! There's a computer at the chemists that can diagnose anything, quicker than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell what you can do about it. It only costs £10.00.'

Ken figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the chemists. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the £10.00. The computer started making some noises and the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labour.
It will be better in two weeks.

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the chemists, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the £10.00. The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis:

Your tap water is too hard
Get a water softener
Your dog has worms
Give him vitamins
Your daughter's using cocaine
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic
Your wife's pregnant - twin girls
They aren't yours
Get a lawyer
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

Answer 1

Ha Ha! Funny! 10!

Answer 2

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when thestranger turned to her and said,
"Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK" she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
She said "Why do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ****?"

Answer 3

- Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it. If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know where God is, son?' The boy's mouth dropped open , but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?' Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, 'Where is God?' The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, 'What happened?' The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,'We are in BIG trouble this time,' 'GOD is missing, and they think we did it! - Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to move the Coke so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm and decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but won't remember it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some mop to wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: * The car isn't washed, * The bills aren't paid, * There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, * The flowers don't have enough water, * There is still only 1 cheque in my checkbook, * I can't find the remote, * I can't find my glasses, * And I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired :D

Answer 4

English, American and Chinese men go for camp in woods.Right says english man, ill be in charge of fire, you yank i charge you with shelter and you chinese man you are in charge of supplies. Lets all split up and go our seperate ways and meet here in one hour.
One hour later English man back with wood for fire and burning lovely. Yank back with tent version of winnibaygo, lovely. Two hours pass and chinese chap still not bak. Gettin very worried and hungry they both go into woods to look.Passing a huge tree in the dark out jumps chinky shouting " Supplies"x

Answer 5

That is the funniest thing i have heard in ages!!!

Answer 6

Lol! Where did you get that joke? Very funny!

Answer 7

very good, a star for you

Answer 8

put a smile on my face,good one

Answer 9

Very good, a good laugh!

Answer 10

that was the funniest thing i ever heard!!