why do i find it to hard to say NO?

Question

it's like i'm 19 now and i've realised that i've been used alot by guys but i duno i still can't seems to hold back when a guys showing me attention.
i have tried to change and i want to because its getting me down but i find it to hard and i can never go out to a pub or a club without some guy showing me attention and i fall into the same trap.
any advice?

Answer 1

It sounds like you need to work on your self-esteem. If you respect yourself, then you wouldn't let other DISrespect you.

Answer 2

I consider that everyone does something because it seems like a good idea. (wether the behaviour is fully consious or not).

rather than viewing how you act as a bad idea - which immediatly places a block at seeing why and the hows for you personally, try that perspective - it may help you get to grips with it better. there isnt as such anything wrong with what your doing (unless you dont want to be or in a relationship perhaps, yes I see that you want to move on - but first you have to be able to accept why you act like that, rather than take a stance with your self of this isnt what I want, Im not doing what I want - find out it is about being that way you do want, then things will change by themselves - if oyu are comfortable with letting it go. even if your not there may be other ways to change how you still handle it then).

another alternative approach, try this perspective, when saying yes to one thing you are saying no to another. By saying yes to one guy, you saying no to going home alone/your boyfrined at home (as an example, as that is how it works out in the ned - just potentially messier and less pleasant). By seeing it that way round, puts it in a diffrent perspective - you are actually saying no, by saying yes.

instead of running at this head long, saying things like I have low self esteem, lacking confidence (which is the first thing you knock and reduce by using those sorts of approaches - it defales you all the more). finnd where your being succesful in another area, or put a spin on the situation by viewing ythings from another angle or perspective - you can be very surprised at how much eaiser it can make things - by highlighting where your already strong and using that. rather than highlighting where your weaker and trying to use that.

just a few thoughts, hope it helps.

Answer 3

Girl here is the big problem you are a people pleaser and it is so because you do not know how to value yourself!Yopu feel good about yourself when you get outside attention, you do not know how to make you feel good about you and that is what you need help with. You are young Thank God so you can deal with this now before you get married or something. You deserve to be the best Girl you can be and you need to own that, Start by loving you i,m sure you have some very good qualities remind yourself of those qualities everyday, if that is difficult you can even get together with a counsellor to help you deal with self value issues.You can change, it is not hopeless.

Answer 4

It sounds like you just don't respect and love yourself enough, sweetie. I would love to tell you that there is a really easy way to start to, and tell you HOW to, but the truth is that until you become genuinely and completely sick of it, and just STOP... it's going to keep happening.

I used to be the same way... until someone broke the last straw. I just... decided... that I was done. And after that, no matter what a guy said or did, I held my ground. It was hard at first, but after having done it for almost a full year now, it's become easy, and I've gained a lot of self-respect from it.

When it really comes down to it, it's all about how much you love yourself, and how strong you are. Nobody can do it for you. :)

But believe me, it is possible.

Answer 5

This could be totally wrong, but maybe you have issues from your past that you've buried and as terrible as it might sound, you might need counseling to help you reach a point where you no longer have compulsive actions that contradict your opinion of what is right and wrong.

I only say this because my fiance recently cheated on me after 4 years of being together and it took a while, but we think we find out a part of why it was possible. When a guy is demanding, she can't stop what's happening because it's just like what happened to her when she was young.

So, like I said, maybe I'm way off base, but if not, maybe you can change your whole life around if this sounds like it might be realistic to you. I wish you the best.

Answer 6

When I go hunting, I go for things hunters have gone for for millions of years, and in the same places.

Domesticated prey is not hunted, but its fate is the same without the freedom before slaughter that the wild prey enjoys.

Right now, you are not unlike wild prey.

But, you have a choice. A free will.

Only you can decide the things most of value in your life. What is it you want? A moment's pleasure with a different guy every time? A "lifetime" of pleasure with one guy who will eventually violate his marriage vows and leave you?
Or, an eternity with the One, True, God?

I think you know my advice.

Answer 7

You are attention starved, but are getting it in the wrong places. Stop going to clubs and try to meet a man that will like you for you and not what is between your legs. Once you get a little more self esteem, you will be less likely to fall into bed with any man that smiles at you or tells you you are beautiful.

Answer 8

Don't got the pubs...go to different places where you can start from a friendship with a guy only.,....take sometime to get to know each other without intimacy...you will see this will prevent you from a lot of suffering.And if you know what are your weaknesses just avoid them...don't get in the trap again.Good luck!

Answer 9

You sound like someone looking for love. This isn't the way to find a true love.

If you want a man to respect you and love you for you, then you must tell yourself that you are worth waiting for. You must stop yourself from giving in; hold back. Practice and you will get used to it. You will then find someone that cares for you as a person, not someone that just wants to bed you.

Answer 10

You just feel obligated like I do. When I gy asks me out I can't help but say yes. The thing is in like 4 days tops if I don't like them I'll dump them and make their heart hurt more than it would by saying no. So if someone is attracting you they just want to have some fun notget serious, just dance with them or whatever then forget about them. If they ask you for you number though and your not really that into them, tell them the truth, "I don't like you that way" and walk away =3

Answer 11

a bit of self worth - self control and self respect -

be friendly funny but firm - theres no use in you enjoying the ride but feeling crap after wards - you'll get yourself a bad reputation - instead behave like youre a classy chic who settles for nothing less than a gent....., enjoy all the attention but just hold back from any one2one stuff, it doesnt makeyou any less a person, and youll enjoy just having fun and feeling good about yourself.