I need help translating.......?

Question

I have a very close friend that has an extremely hard head. He's my friend and also a father to 4 young girls. He told me about a month ago that he had to go to his 9yr old. school and pick her up cuz the teacher had called and she was acting out. She had been verbally warned by her father 2 days prior about the same thing. He told he would have to spank her if she did it again, in front of her school and classmates. So when he was called up again he did as he said he would and the way he told me was "I beat her little *** in front of all her friends". Now a month or so has gone by and it still weighs heavy on me. So I called him and asked to use spanking as a very last resort if that is what he chose to use as punishment. But to most importantly to do so at home or even elsewhere. So that other children didn't have to witness it. I tried to explain that he's a role model to all not to just his children. Although his daughter knew what would happen if she acted out again

the rest of the children didn't. He can't understand that could or does affect the other children. He said his grandma did it to him and after that, she never had to do again. I asked him, if after that incident happened did he ever do anything that he should have got a spanking for? Or had he gotten smarter and found ways to "get away with" bad behavior. He said had done bad after that but not that same thing he got that orginial spanking. And not at his school. Am I wrong in thinking this: I understand the spanking was vaildating the promise to the child for acting out. In turn the child will find different ways to not get caught. I would think that this might close some communication b/w father and daughter maybe not right not but possible later life. Also how the effects of the children around that don't even know who he is. I'd think that would/could/does have some type of negitive affect for them. Please help

There's no fear of any type of abuse at all and no he told her he'd "spank" her he told me that he had to "beat" her little *** in front of everyone. I trust that it was only a figure of speech when telling me" I'm more concerned about what kinds of things might she do to not get caught for being bad. I'm pretty positive that he didn't spank her into an angel. And possible what kind of wall he might be building b/w them that could hinder a good relationship later in life. Not to mention the other kids were learning to from that and he doesn't know what kind of lives those kids have at home. That later in life those kids will be having their own opinions and those opinions are formed from things that happen growing up. No I don't believe that, that single incident will create a dozen men beating their kids when they grow up. I think that it will be in storage with other things they'll learn good and bad. If enough bad things happen that they learn then it could be saw as right by them

Answer 1

WOW!!! I'm not against spanking (my daughter has had a few) however, not in public and ONLY as a LAST RESORT!!! I do think this "father" has gone a bit too far.... no one deserves public humiliation, this is going to follow her for a while (she's gonna be remembered as the girl who's daddy spanked her in front of the class by quite a few of her classmates)
I'd like to think his heart is in the right place by trying to make her realize she's got to face the consequences of her actions, and saw no other way to handle this. Was this her first offense? It doesn't sound like it.

The sad thing is that I'm not sure what to tell him. Maybe you should print out this question and let him read the responses maybe then he'll get a better Idea of what is appropriate when it comes punishing a child.

Also, a quick question. Did he tell her he's gonna "beat her little @$$" ? No one should use that kind of language around children on purpose and definitely never speak like that to a child... If so, thats a lack of good judgment and parenting skills on his part right there if you ask me!?!?!

I hope you get the answer you are looking for. Good Luck


EDIT:
The question you have posted "I need help translating.......?" is misleading. I don't think you're going to reach the answerers you are wanting answers from. You might want to re-post the question in the parenting section asking something along the lines of "Has a friend gone too far disciplining his child?" or something similar. And then explain the situation and what you're looking for.....

again, good luck.

Answer 2

I'm reading the question thinking "I know this person!" Probably not, but I do know someone who is very similar to this, and although I don't think the dad has ever spanked any of his kids in school, I do know that he has yelled at them in public about getting spanked. The oldest (also 9) is already showing signs of a wedge between her and her dad, and the next oldest (6) has begun to show similar signs. I have never seen this family go so far as to feel the need to call CPS, so I think the kids will be fine, but they probaby will all have a strained relationship with their dad in a few years that will last for the rest of their lives.

If you can't talk him into making slight changes in his behavior, at least you can make sure the girls have a trusted adult in their lives (you didn't mention if their mom is in the picture, or any grandparents), so they can talk about the difficulties of childhood and adolescence with someone they know and like.

Answer 3

I don't understand why the teacher didn't call CPS at that time, had I been the teacher I certainly would have. Humliating and spanking a child is abuse. Any parent who has to use phyisical violence against their child lacks the intelligence to parent effectively. HE obviously needs parenting classes as well as anger management and his daughter needs to placed into a home where there is no abuse. Apes hit their offspring, one would think that a human would have a little more intellgence than an ape.

Answer 4

There's nothing to translate. You expressed yourself to the Dad, it's all you can do. A spanking is not a crime, a beating is. If you ever see marks, be sure to report it. Other than that you have different styles. Don't turn him into a criminal.

Answer 5

mind your business this isnt your child or your business stay out of it