I live with her in her apartment, my husband passed away. We get along, God couldn't have given me a better daughter. She's graduated in Biology, has a job and still studies. But though she's a wonderful girl, at 23 she's still a bit naive, in certain points she acts like a teen. She frequently comes late, get little sleep, I get really scared. She works hard and studies, needs sleep, rest, she can't party as much as she likes or hang out so much with her friends.
She's good to me, loves me, respects. Suppose tomorrow I tell her, "hun, today you're grounded, you'll stay home"? Does she have to obey me? After all I'm still her mom, want her best, love her searly and I'm more experienced. She's still my lovely and a bit immature girl. You see, a sweetheart, a bit naive, somewhat innocent, a brilliant professional with a good job - a dangerous mix, isnt it? As a mom, I have to protect her.
2007-07-20 09:27:45 · 77 answers · asked by Melissa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's HER apartment
So
NO YOU CAN'T
2007-07-20 09:29:41 · answer #1 · answered by Weatherman 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you can't ground her. You have some big ones to think you can and to boot you are living in her apartment. She is a grown adult. She can live life as she pleases. If she wants to party all night and sleep all day that is her choice. She may be bit naive as I'm sure you were at 23 but you can't control her life. What would you have done if your mother tried to ground you at 23. I bet you would laughed so hard at her that you would of wet your pants. I think it's time you get your own apartment and let your daughter live her own life.
2007-07-20 09:33:47 · answer #2 · answered by tender loving dyke 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is an adult and you can't protect her forever no matter how much you want to! she has to be free to make her own decisions as bad as they may seem to you. She is young and what she is doing isn't really hurting anyone. you said so yourself that she graduated and has a job and studies, so what more can you ask of her. Staying up late and not getting much sleep is normal for young adults her age. May not be healthy but everyone goes through that. I think you may need to consider moving out as soon as you are able to if you begin to try to make rules for her in her own house she isn't going to like it much and that bond that you two seem to have may begin to break and i'm sure that is the last thing that you would want. Try to give her a little room and let her be.
2007-07-20 10:02:38 · answer #3 · answered by hazeleyes1279 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize you say its her house. And so its kind of catch 22 you live with her and you do not say if you contribute to paying bills or have any money coming in. Maybe you depend on her to much get a life It's her home she is 23 be glad she has a job and has an education Some don't have that much and that she took you in after you lost your spouse. You could be living on the streets now couldn't you. Maybe you need to back off and give her her own space and get a life of your own... She could put you out on the street corner if you start telling her what to do in her home. then where would you be.
2007-07-20 09:56:37 · answer #4 · answered by bjwill72961 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, the days of grounding your daughter are gone once she is past the age of eighteen.
Sounds like a typical lifestyle for a young lady. I am sure that you were a slightly immature young lady at that age also, and your parents were not attempting to ground you.
I am sorry about the loss of your husband, but you should feel really blessed that you are able to reside with your daughter in her apartment, many parents would not be so lucky.
Have a good day.
2007-07-20 10:02:11 · answer #5 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be thankful she even allows you to live with her. As a parent I understand your concern but believe me, from the way you describe your daughter, you don't have a valid complaint whatsoever. Let her live her life! She has to learn about it through her own experience. Any type of over protection will only make her rebel against the authority you want to impose on her. She doesn't have to 'obey' you in any form or fashion unless she is pushed into it through your manipulation and emotional blackmail, neither of which, is really befitting of a responsible mother. Be there for her should she need your support but do not interfere in the life choices she makes, be they what they may.
2007-07-20 09:37:13 · answer #6 · answered by SexRexRx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a chance! You *MUST* treat her as an adult, not your little girl. Once you start to treat her as an adult, which means letting her suffer the consequences of her own actions or reap the benefits of her own hard work without interference from you, you may start to see her in a whole new light.
It's time to move the relationship onto the next level. Since she's letting you stay with her, what's wrong with offering to take her to a movie or treat her to dinner as a "thank you." If she agrees - NO MORE little girl treatment. Treat her as you would your peer and butt out when it's not your business. I think you'll be suprised at how liberating it can be for both of you.
2007-07-20 09:33:05 · answer #7 · answered by Answer Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry mom, if she's a good girl I'm afraid you can't do that. Of course she does not HAVE to listen to you, she's a grown up now. And from the sound of it, a successful, intelligent grown up that you will have to trust to make her own decisions.
Bask in the glory of raising a wonderful daughter and TRUST her to know when she's had enough. Everyone's naive at 23 but doesn't know it.. that's what life experience is all about. She'll learn for herself.
2007-07-20 09:32:35 · answer #8 · answered by Kristy K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you can't. She is an adult and is experiencing life.
I went through a phase where I stayed out late, had fun, but still maintained a career in doing it all.
Now at 32, I think, some of that stuff was really stupid!! She will learn and you need to let her have her independance. You are lucky that she even let you move in with her. Most 23 yr olds would not let it happen!
2007-07-20 09:44:56 · answer #9 · answered by swimbike21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you think of protecting her but then grounding her is not the answer moreover she is 23 years old not 13 years old. I know you love her and don't want to get into anything bad/wrong but talking to her is the best you can do. You have to let her learn to fall and walk again. You cannot be there to watch over her all your live. Would you still ground her is she's 50??
2007-07-20 09:37:15 · answer #10 · answered by Stanley the Westie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you can't ground a 23-year old. What you can do, is take away privileges - such as kicking her out of your house, but you are living under her roof, so that's not an option either. How about letting her grow up? Part of growing up is about making mistakes and learning from them, and that won't happen if you try to make too many of her decisions for her. Good luck!
2007-07-20 09:35:50 · answer #11 · answered by maddog27271 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋