I am in a wedding tomorrow and I am the matron of honor. Today, while decorating, I saw the wedding handout and saw that she has another matron of honor besides me and a maid of honor as well. She then has three more bridesmaids. She was my maid of honor in my wedding and we had always said that we would be each other's maid of honor as we had grown up together since birth. Is it just me, or does anyone else think this was extremely rude? I was the only one of the three that didn't know that this was how it was going to be. Am I brat or are my feelings justified?
2007-07-20 08:27:34 · 33 answers · asked by Bexx 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I should add she is my family we are cousins. And I would never say anything to her not even after the wedding, I just didn't know if I was being silly for feeling hurt.
2007-07-20 08:42:55 · update #1
Wow, I never realized people were this judgmental of a question. More details for the rude people. I am the only relation that is in the wedding. We were born siz months apart and were raised together. And she wasn't in the other girl's wedding. And at the shower, it was said that I was the matron of honor and the others were bridesmaids. I hate this kind of stuff and really don't care about the title. I was just upset that it was kept a big secret. I guess nobody really understands or I'm a just a big idiot.
2007-07-20 08:49:28 · update #2
I understand the disappointment of finding out you're not the "#1" and it probably was a bit inconsiderate on the bride's part for telling you that she'd have more than one matron of honor, considering how close you say you are.
In my opinion she may not have wanted to hurt your feelings... who is this other matron of honor? Is a possibly a family member or fmaily friend she got harrassed into including in the wedding party?
Your feelings are justified... I'd just keep them to myself and not let the bride know about your upset. Just be there to support her on her big day... nothing else really matters.
2007-07-20 08:34:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
Well, I don't know how you got all the way up to the wedding day without realizing there was a matron of honor, too. Didn't you all throw a shower together or something? I'm guessing the matron is a sister or childhood friend or old college roommate or something?
I don't think you should be upset that there is a matron of honor along with you as maid of honor. It's really hard to honor everybody you want to in a wedding, and this is how the bride decided to do it this time.
If you knew for a fact that it was being kept a secret from you, I guess you could be upset about that. But seems to me if everybody tried THAT hard to hide it from you, they must think you're the oversensitive type.
2007-07-20 08:44:25 · answer #2 · answered by sparki777 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you and her are that close of friends then just ask a couple of weeks after the wedding is over and done with, wait till the stress on her is gone. Then again you did say you where married right? In wedding tradition the Matron of Honor is supposed to be an unmarried friend of the bride maybe she loves you enough to make you a matron of honor even though she knows the tradition. Don't forget everyone is entitled to have more than one best friend and maybe this was her way of not having to chose and make you all mad at her. There could be multiple reasons but don't be a butt about it, wait awhile and then bring it up inconspicuously such as finding the paper in a drawer when she is over and ask about it then.
2007-07-20 08:37:23 · answer #3 · answered by Dinkey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, she probably thought that you did know about this. It's common for women to have more than one maid of honor or matron of honor. It really is odd that you hadn't heard about it until now, though. No one made comments at the shower, either?
You could make a joke to her and ask "Just how many maids of honor do you have?" but don't even attempt it if you can't do it in a truly joking manner. Otherwise, go with the flow and don't say anything, or both of you will end up embarrassed.
2007-07-20 10:03:45 · answer #4 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say it is "rude," but I find it very odd that this wasn't all made clear beforehand. And heck, how do you get through that much wedding prep without mentioning that you have other "of honor" attendants... seems fishy. Any chance this is all a big typo?
Anyway, on the more personal level, I can understand why you are hurt and I think it's natural. Continue as you are - don't let it be a big deal, don't bring it up before the wedding, and don't let it eat at you. Maybe ask one of the other "honor" gals if you they were as surprised as you. If this really really bothers you and you think it'll affect your relationship, then talk to the bride about it... in a few weeks. But for tomorrow, do your best to set it aside and enjoy the day.
2007-07-20 08:56:00 · answer #5 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand that you would be hurt because you thought you had a special role, which you now realize you are sharing with other ladies. But I would just advise letting it go. It's hard to know what the situation is. Perhaps the other girls had a fit that they were not "honored" bridesmaids, and the bride felt like she had to include them. Are you the one standing next to her during the ceremony? If so, never worry, you are the real matron of honor.
Let it go. Don't let this ruin your memories of you dear friend's wedding.
2007-07-20 09:19:54 · answer #6 · answered by corinne1029 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While your feelings might be justified, please recognize that it probably isn't about YOU. Perhaps your friend was also the matron of honor in the other girls wedding or has an understanding that she will, one day be. Did you ever consider that?
Your feelings are what they are and often we can't control what they are. But we can control how we react to the things that "happen" to us. Be big about it, put a smile on your face for the wedding and then let it go. At the end of the day, isn't this about celebrating two people joining their lives together? Who did what in the ceremony is really of secondary importance.
Just let it go.
2007-07-20 08:35:02 · answer #7 · answered by lmnop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not rude. I happen to have two very close friends and am thinking about doing the same thing.
You have to take into account that your friend may have people she is equally or even more close to then you. Are any of them family? Cousins or sisters? If they are family, you are way out of line. I would never be insulted if someone chose a family member over me. Blood is thicker then water.
In addition, what does a maid of honor really do? Stand at the alter and witness the marriage like everyone else. Then they make the speech.
In all honesty, it's nothing more then a tittle to make you sound more important then others. Apparently, this is more a question of your closeness and friendship to her, then sharing your position.
The wedding is tomorrow. No use in bring it up and upsetting the bride, whether it be today or in a year. Just go to the wedding, support your friend and have a good time.
2007-07-20 08:36:44 · answer #8 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I totally understand how you feel. I would feel the same! With that being said....it IS her special day, so I would just try to think of it as at least you're a matron of honor and not just a bridesmaid. or registrar!?! I would be REALLY ticked if she only let you serve at the reception. You are still #1, just sharing that space with a couple others. Don't let it get you down. Maybe you'll at least get to stand by her! Best wishes! & God Bless!
2007-07-20 09:57:45 · answer #9 · answered by Happy in love! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I cannot understand why the bride would keep something like this a secret. For one thing, only one MOH can really stand next to the bride. Just how does she plan to swing this? Also, how did she handle this at the bridal shower. Did she introduce the other MOH, too? If not, why not? Where will you and the other MOH stand in the pictures?
Of course, you will not say anything, I realize that. But can certainly see how it makes you wonder what the hell she is thinking.
2007-07-20 14:09:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋