I'm 32, female, and single. I have had numerous financial problems; some were because of my sheer irresponsibility and others were because of extenueating circumstances. I am working towards taking care of everything, but it is going to take awhile. I never thought this would be an issue when dating, but it is. I have not dated in awhile, but the last time I did, I was kind of embarressed to talk about everything. And the guy I was with usually paid, but I felt like I was taking advantage. I always offered when I could; but being that I am on a strict budget, there were times when I truly did not have the money to offer to pay for meals, etc.
How do I get guys to understand that I am working hard to take care of everything and not a golddigger? I also don't want some guys to think that I am looking for someone to take care of me...I am really not looking to borrow money from someone every month, just looking for someone to date. How would guys view my situation?
2007-07-20 07:57:36 · 23 answers · asked by Angrygirl5 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Michael P: I think you misunderstood. I have never asked any men for money. I haven't even been out on a date in more than three years! I just used the borrow money every month thing as an example. Sorry if you took it the wrong way.
2007-07-20 08:21:09 · update #1
Also, I think some of you may have misunderstood and think that I divulge all of my financial issues on the first date. I definately do not. I guess my point is that it costs money to do any kind of activity now-in-days and money does become of issue if you want to go on any kind of date.
2007-07-20 08:24:29 · update #2
I wouldn't. I think if either a woman or a man has financial trouble it just an additional sign of their irresponsibility to even be looking to date someone.
The problem is there is no way to not look like you're hunting for a guy to fix your problems. And if you honestly don't want him to pay for everything then how can you possibly think about using money you don't have on something so frivolous as dating. I've had financial problems in the distant past and the last thing on my mind was dating.
Before you ask someone to share your life you should have that life in some sort of order.
2007-07-20 07:59:19 · answer #1 · answered by elurle 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
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2016-12-23 02:31:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a 34 year old male, have been in a relationship for four months.
When my divorce was final I had some financial issues to sort through and remained single for a while - to avoid the complications you have pointed out. I did not want to have to explain the situation, or to move further into a relationship and keep wondering "when is the right time to discuss this?"
You are wise, to remain single during this time. If you see people or remain uncommitted, within the social scene, you can avoid having to discuss personal or embarrassing information.
Many independent career oriented men would have an issue with these financial hurdles you are facing. I'm not saying it is fair or justified, but it is reality.
On the other hand, a gentleman should offer to pay, if he invites you to dinner. And there should be no need for explanation or apology if you do not or cannot offer to cover a portion of the tab.
Have you ever thought of this agreement : if you get dinner, I'll leave the tip/gratuity? It would lighten the burden on you, yet still give you the opportunity to contribute something, since this is clearly weighing on your mind/conscience.
Good luck to you ~
2007-07-20 08:13:05 · answer #3 · answered by yoak 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without playing games, don’t be available 100% of the time or let your life be an open book. A man that comes on too strong or doesn’t have outside interests will scare a woman away just as much as it would if the circumstances were reversed. Read here https://tr.im/FMnsm
Women don’t want to feel as though they are completely responsible for your happiness and that is what it feels like when the other person has no outside interests. Men who are overeager or jump when the woman says jump are the ones who are more likely to end up in the friend zone. This doesn’t mean that you should play the game of not calling for a few days; it means that you should set healthy boundaries until you both naturally find a spot for the other in your lives.
2016-05-17 08:24:01 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To begin with, you shouldn't really be discussing your financial issues with a guy unless you're REALLY in a serious commited relationship. No one that you are dating 'casually' needs to know your business.
When you do have a serious relationship, what you do will go much farther than what you say. If you got into trouble in the past, and you can show that you have:
1. stopped being irresponsible with money
AND 2. Are working on paying back what you are in debt,
then your actions will show him what you are really like financially.
2007-07-20 08:02:48 · answer #5 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The explanation you gave above is all you need to say, that works for me right there. Up front and honest about things is the best way to go. The bonus is you will find someone who appreciates it, understands it and won’t have an issue with it. Personally for me it’s all about the person and not their bank account. If someone is looking at your financial issues before they date you then you don’t need to waste your time with them in the first place. A lot of people have financial issues these days, it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t date and it doesn’t mean they are not worthy of dating.
2007-07-20 08:07:43 · answer #6 · answered by Edster 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have dated ladies with the same problem. The idea here is not to ask for things, if he cares about you he will get them. If he ask you out then he probably expects to pay. Remember if you go to a restaurant to look at the no so expensive items that you could eat and then if he ask why don't you get something else, just tell him that you don't want to take advantage ok his kindness. If at any time you do have the money to pay or to do something special for him then do it. Even if it is to meet him at a burger joint for a quick meal.
Do this and you should avoid problems, take it as if he may have financial problems like yourself and treat his money and him with respect, you will get the same in return.
2007-07-20 08:05:58 · answer #7 · answered by emortalwolf 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have two problems. Don't mix them up.
Financial problems need help from a knowledgeable person (s) either male or female! Find some help!!!
You say "...I am really not looking to borrow money from someone every month,.." which sounds like you DO want to borrow money less often than every month.
I'M BETTING YOU ASK MEN TO HELP YOU WITH MONEY PROBLEM$.
Get a job, & date for pure fun, or search the obituaries for rich young widdowers. Choose what you really want from guys!
My heart goes out to you, but I'm taken. Sorry.
There are lots of great guys have a good character, kind heart..a sometimes more money than good looks...and would happily marry a good looking lady who is deep in debt.
But looking for potential "financial $AVIOR$" severly limits your choices to find love.
A date needs NOT care that you are deep in debt. Why should that matter to him?!?
Only a "fiance" would care.
By the time you know a guy for a couple years...long enough to consider marriae, yout money troubles can be under control with good financial counseling!
2007-07-20 08:13:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'd casually date you, but if you even look like you're trying to push a guy into a serious relationship with you, you WILL come across as a golddigger.
Avoid talking about your financial situation with guys you date unless they try to make things more serious.
2007-07-20 08:02:25 · answer #9 · answered by Mike M 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As long as it seems you are not trying to turn him into your sugar-daddy, it's fine. I must say I am really not into women that don't have their s*** together, and most other guys would probably share my opinion, but if you can redeem yourself in this regard that's a plus. I don't see any reason to go into any sort of length about your financial situation until you are in a serious relationship.
2007-07-20 08:03:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋