Her family hates me. Can I find a happy medium?

Question

I have been dating my girlfriend for nearly a year now. We have been friends for years (since we were very young) and we spend a lot of time together before getting together. We both know we love each other and everything is great except for the fact her family hates the fact I am with her. She is a 22 year old and I am a 24. They think that we are headed for a disaster even though we treat each other wonderfully. They think I am taking her out every night getting her drunk and corrupting her. Which is total opposet of what we do. We sit and watch TV every night or see movies. We arent crazy party people or anything. I think she is absolutely amazing and I can't imagine not having her in my life. Her family just hates my guts.,

They are also very religious. I am divorced and they think if we date that she is going to hell. So she was kicked out 9 months ago for dating me. They basically sent her to the streets. I have helped her get on her own, a really good job, and have done nothing but loved and respected her with all my heart. They just cant seem to be happy for their daughter. She is such an amazing woman and they just cant accept that she is an adult making her own decisions. In their mind Im one of those decisions and they think im going to ruin her life or something. They think im this horrible person, and im not. They dont even know me, they never even tried to get to know me.
They told her that she has disappointed them and that I dont not meet their "standards" of the proper mate for me. I am disabled with Cystic Fibrosis, which she doesnt care about. But I think the issue may be that I cannot provide 100% of her income......

but our relationship is 50 / 50. I think they think that I am not good enough because of my disability. I understand that her and I have many difficulties facing us, especially considering my disability, but I love her with all of my heart and I don't see what is so wrong wtih two people loving each other. They said if she stays with me they will "never approve" and that her life will be ruined. They haven't even got to know me but based on the facts that I 1. Am disabled, 2. I am divorced, 3. I dont make loads of cash--they don't like me.
She is moving from her friends house which she has lived the last 9 months to her brand new apartment tomorrow. The one I helped her save for and get. Im so excited for her and so proud of her journey to independance. Her family could care less. Its heartbreaking to see her hurt all the time by them. I wish they could be happy for us.

I feel totally lost and stuck between a rock and hard place....how can I find a happy medium and can I?

Answer 1

You will never get them to approve of you. Sorry to say. They have a vision of what their daughte's mate was going to be and you are not it. It would be different if it was a mom who had you g/f at 15 and was trying to make sure that she didn't have kids too early....But we are talking about a religious family. It is impossible to change their minds especially if they have kicked her out almost a year ago and still haven't budged. We all want our significant others family to like us. But sometimes it doesn't work out that way. You need to be happy with her. Keep your mind on her. That is what is important. You and your relationship with her. As long as you two are happy together that all that should matter. FYI: You are NOT the only gut that they hated either!!! Believe me honey, it started way before you!! So don't feel too bad. Good Luck sweetie!!

Answer 2

It is funny that you say how 'religious' they are, yet they seem to be so judgemental and, I am assuming, materialistic. Because it seems that what they are doing is judging that you just aren't good enough for their daughter. They probably feel that because of your divorce, CP, and disability, that their daughter should be able to do so much better than you and they are angry that she is "settling" for you. Unfortunately, they can't see past those issues and realize how much you both love each other and how important that is, nor can they see how well you treat her and appreciate her. You aren't the first person out there to not be approved by the other's family...this goes on a lot with families. If you 2 love each other, you should stay together despite their unfair feelings toward you. It won't be easy, especially during holidays and family occasions. You both will have to get the mind-set that their sad unacceptance of you is THEIR PROBLEM. It is very un-Christian of them. What a shame. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

So many things here, but in response to your question - of course you can find a happy medium. The thing is, a happy o mumedium between what? I don't think you're between a rock and a hard place at all. I know that you've been through a lot, but one thing you have to remember is to not base your happiness on making others happy. Like some have said, you may never ever get their approval. But why would their approval matter to you anyways!?!?

Listen, my friends always tell me that feeling successful should be based on what you've been able to accomplish. From your story, that sounds like a lot. It may help to, rather than wait for their approval and constantly be hurt by their opinions of you, blaze your own trail! Remember Ralph Waldo Emerson's quote, "Do not follow where the path may lead, instead go where there is no path and leave a trail."

Dude, live for you. Live for your girl. Don't concern yourself with how other think of you. Rather, be all that you can be, blaze your own trail, and be proud of what you've been able to accomplish. Accomplishments, mind you, made while surrounded by haters and those who criticize. Keep your chin up.

Answer 4

Let me start by saying how proud I am at the way you are handling your illness( I intentionally did not use the word disabled because of the fact that you don't strike me as one who is disabled) which can be very limiting. Yet, you don't feel sorry for yourself or adopt the "woe is me" frame of mind.I wish your girl's parents can see how brave you are and not the negative impressions they have of you. My ideas for dealing with them include1)ask to talk to them. you did say you knew her long before you got involved so I am assuming that they've known you a while.2) ask your girl to arrange a meeting between them and the the both of you.Here you can let them see the love you share and also how you enhance her life3)assure them that in spite of your illness and not having a big fat bank account, you love their daughter and don't intend to tie her down as a result of your illness( don't use the term disabled cause you're not; You are sharp mentally and emotionally)4)if everything fails, and you guys truly love each other and want to spend your lives with each other,you may have to consider the option of leaving them alone while leaving the door open for them to come in at any time..Remember, you are both adults and don't need their permission to be together. You will then have to console and comfort your girlfriend at those times when she is feeling low as a result of the situation.I wish you both success in your lives together--I hope with her parents blessings and support.

Answer 5

Her family are losers and she is lucky to have a man in her life that will treat her right. Let her know everyday that you will be there for her. They may not like it, but they will hate it when they are never allowed to see their grandchildren because they f***** up in the past with their daughter. They will be on all fours begging.

Answer 6

i don't have an answer for that but man u need to not write so much