They have dated and gone on and off for around 4-6 years. They dated in high school and now both are adults. I came into the picture when he was only starting to get over her. He doesn't want to talk to her or introduce us, or attempt to stay as friends with her (their communication was damaged over the years so he doesn't feel right trying to be friends with her) He still has flashbacks and memories of her when he is alone. Anything I can do to help?
We have already broken up and I waited for him to sort his relationship with her out. I don't think he has healed from it. I am not sure if I should do it again because he believes it will damage the relationship we have together further. I really like him and I care immensely for him (thus my patience for him to get over this girl) I think we have a lot of potential but I am not sure how to deal with this on a daily basis.
Sometimes I think I talk about it too much with him. Should I continue supporting him?
2007-07-20 07:17:58 · 21 answers · asked by parvastella22 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well ,look at it this way. If he doesn't find a nice new relationship with someone who loves him and supports him, he will NEVER get over it.
The brain is a very plastic thing, and without new stimuli, it just keeps looping back on old programs, so give him some time to flush the old programs out. If you love him, just be with him, and don't think much about it if he has the flashbacks. The answer to your question of what to do is ovbious: If you're with him, he's not alone and cannot have flashbacks :-).
Drop the convos about his x and make talking about her taboo. There is a good reason why he doesn't want to communicate with her. ANY interaction with her, even looking at her picture, is just like reopening the wound and it would take him much longer to heal if he did this.
And remember, he loves you, not her. Otherwise, he'd still be in a relationship with her.
2007-07-20 07:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is still in love with her although he is trying to get out of it through the kindness of you. He is not inlove with you YET. He is lonely and lonely from the ex. DUMP HIM nicely. You will not go very far with him because you will feel in the near future that you need somebody to love you too. It is a waste of effort going out with him. Tell him, when he is ready, then he can come back to you if you are still available. But you can not put yourself in his brain and heart - no way! The x still leaves there and it will take awhile for it to move out. Think about yourself - what if someone comes along and you found him very attractive and potential good future with him - what are you going to do? Free yourself now and you can not be his charity. You can be friend that help, but no way you can be his girlfriend and help???? "What's up with that?", they say.
2007-07-20 07:34:28 · answer #2 · answered by earth angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the first place, it is not your place to speak to her about their relationship. That is his affair if and when he wants to. I use the above phrase because I don't think he is going to do it .And that brings me to you. Love is sweet and pleasure able.It makes us come alive and brightens our day making us feel special.However, sometimes, it also hurts; and I sense my response is going to hurt you. I believe it is time for you to stop putting your life on hold for this guy and move on.It takes two to have a romance and this guy is just not available to you emotionally,and is not going to be; no matter how long you elect to wait for him to see the potential that you claim exists.I suggest you just close the book on this one. I am sorry for the pain this may cause you , but you sound like a terrific woman ---and a good guy is just around the corner from you. Good luck and keep us posted on how you're doing.
2007-07-20 07:35:20 · answer #3 · answered by abbeycoolit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one, and one that I have experienced...he needs to heal from his previous relationship - and have NO contact with her (unless he is willing to include you in this contact as well, providing you are OK with that) before he can fully be in another relationship. If you want to support him in moving on...that's your call...but it makes things more difficult for you, because you want more...and I fully understand. In my case, it didnt work out, until my boyfriend removed himself completely from the other girl. But by the time he had and was ready to make a committment to me, I had waited long enough.. Good Luck!!!
2007-07-20 07:23:56 · answer #4 · answered by sharpie0668 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would continue to support him and help him out until it's just gone to far. I would say if goes on for over a month then he really liked her and may take her back at some point.
2007-07-20 07:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by padros 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Accckkk...that's a dilema for sure. What does your "gut" tell you? One thing for sure, instinct will NEVER steer you wrong...
Yes, I think you can talk about an old flame too much...keeping old wounds open..or rubbing "salt" in them is never good...it just keeps things too fresh all the time...
Listen if HE needs to talk...
Back away from him for now...be supportive..from a little bit of a distance..tough to do sometimes..but you have to watch out for YOU...he can take care of himself...
If you were really "meant" to be...you will..I promise...
And remember, guys ALWAYS want what they THINK they CANNOT have....act and treat him accordingly...
2007-07-20 07:30:38 · answer #6 · answered by Toots 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really love him, hang in there..some people take longer to get over stuff..especially over longer relationships..it will be a rough job for you at times. it is like taking an addict off thier drogs ...they sometimes relapse...but as you know there are some real survivors out there who stay clean....same thing. you will have to be strong for him and show hime there is life other than what he had known.
wish you the best
2007-07-20 07:24:26 · answer #7 · answered by Jr DRE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he's ready to be in a committed relationship with you or anyone else. He probably would benefit from some counseling about his unresolved feelings for his ex. Perhaps you could suggest going to counseling with him to show your support of him.
2007-07-20 07:22:12 · answer #8 · answered by toromos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you realize that relationship is meant to be approximately determining what issues you like and don't desire, what you may settle for and what you may not, perfect? it is not in simple terms looking somebody, latching on, and then putting on perpetually no count number what they do! the respond is, you the two settle for which you have a boy who acts like a climate vane, blown approximately by way of the wind of the day and taking no accountability for his strikes, or you return to a decision you may not stay like that, and ditch the sorry bastard, then confirm what you may desire to improve in your self to entice a greater high quality guy.
2016-10-09 03:21:13 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should sit with him and tell him that your relationship is getting destroyed little by little
your should tell him that you support him but you cant live with the thought of him going back with her
he has to choose if he doesn't know tell him you will give him a break in order for him to think things through
if he ends up choosing her then you got to move on you deserve better
well good luck
hopefully it helps :)
2007-07-20 07:28:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋