When will I be ready?

Question

Me and my fiance broke up because he's sooo controling, posessive, and mentally abusive. He's already talked about moving on and finding somone else. I dont want to be in another relationship for awhile although i want somone positive to be around.If you knew half of what went on between us then you would understand why Im done. I know im not ready to move on now but when should I start looking? Im not good at meeting new people and Im sortof shy. I just dont know how to go about the situation. No rude comments please because i seriously need the advise!

Answer 1

Only you will be able to decide when you're ready. I once went three years without even going on a date after getting my heart broken by a high school boyfriend. After my college boyfriend and I broke up, however, I felt ready to date again after only about a month, and I met my boyfriend of almost 5 years about two months later! If you feel like you need more time to heal, go ahead and take that time. Just remember not to isolate yourself from everyone, though. Just because you're not ready to fall in love again yet doesn't mean you can't go out with friends and meet fun new people. Have a fling or two with a "rebound guy" even- someone fun to be with but who you know you wouldn't want a long-term thing with. Just make sure he knows that up front!! You'll be OK soon, I just know it. XOXO

Answer 2

I can really relate to you and I've been in your position not too long ago. As vague as this sounds, you are really the only person who knows when you'll be ready to date but I would not rush into looking. Give yourself some real time.

In the meantime I would try to rely on your friends, let them in on what happened and allow them to be your positive energy. Getting involved with activities is a great way to meet people and to keep your mind busy. Volunteering could be an option or joining a club at school. I just started volunteering at the SPCA, and while I can't say that I'm meeting tons of people, I do get to spend my time with the dogs there and that really helps take my mind off of things.

I would just spend some time figuring out things you like, even if they are activities that you do by yourself and then just spending your time doing them.

Please take care of yourself. It will get better and you will meet someone when you're ready.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

I think that when you're ready to move on, you'll just know
But, clearly your situation was very challenging and has put you in a rough position in your life
Take all the time you need to greive over the situation, but make sure that you still go out and have fun with people you enjoy spending time with, because the right person could come along at any time. Don't worry about what your ex fiance is up to in his dating life, he'll move on when he's ready. You should do the same.

Answer 4

For now, just concentrate on getting back to being you. The you that you were before all of the baggage from your controlling ex-fiance was added on. Take a day to pamper yourself, go out with your girlfriends. Call up somebody you haven't talked to in a while and do something fun with them. Once you get back to finding your new, improved, single self - the rest will fall into place. Don't go looking for the right guy, he'll come to you. Good luck!

Answer 5

A few years ago i had a similar relationship. He was controlling, possessive, mentally and physically abusive. When i left (it took 3 yrs! *shakes head*) i stayed single for 2 yrs before i got into a serious relationship. I played field went out on dates had casual partners...and just plain had fun with no strings attached. That's what you need to do. I told the guys i dated that i wasn't ready for a serious relationship and if that's what they were looking for then i wasn't the girl for them. *shrug* if they didn't call me back then oh well.

It was soooo liberating to be in my own apt and i could do whatever i wanted without someone asking me where i'm going or what i'm doing and who i was going to be with and so on. I was 23...it was the best summer of my LIFE! Go do the same..just have fun and learn to love and enjoy spending time with yourself. In fact, take your next paycheck and go shopping with it. LOL...it feels sooooo good to treat yourself after something like that!

Answer 6

Take your time with looking. Don't come out of one relationship and into another. Give yourself time to get your life together and your mind and feeliings. If he's threating to move on let him you don't need the abuse. Trust me life is so much better on the other side. When the time is right you will run into Mr. Right. Just know what you will or won't accept and stick to it. Change your circle of people and stand up for yourself you'll feel so much better.

Answer 7

hmmm see take atleast 2 to 3 months of time because this is a transition even if you start a new relation now the urge to prove that you were right in your previous relation so you may not be what you are generally and again in future you will face similar problems try soft stuff like romantic music in the due while that will get you back to your senses quickly

good luck for your future

Answer 8

You will start looking when you are ready. There is no need to rush this or worry. Also you can not gage when you should be ready by him moving on. My ex fiance was already living with another girl within 6 months. I had just started dating. You will know when you want to pursue another relationship.

Answer 9

I know how you feel. I just got out of a relationship just like that, only difference is I'm 5 months pregnant. Only you can know when you are ready for sure. Believe me if you feel like this, the last thing you want to do is rush it. Good for you for getting out of that situation. If he's controlling now, it'll only get worse as time goes by. Just keep your chin up and know that there are plenty of fish out in the sea. And who knows you just might find love when your least expecting it.

Answer 10

im in same situation been split up 4 5 wks goin on a date 2mrw doesnt feel right stil hurting but life goes on forget about ex and start enjoying life treat yourself do something out of the ordinary you never know whats round the corner also why's he talking to you about moving on thats a bit low i say good riddens