Brother-in-law help!!?

Question

My brother-in-law is engaged to a girl that I just can't stand. She is 25 but acts like she is 16. Very immature, and thinks she knows everything. Always has to butt into any conversation like she knows what she is talking about. I'm pretty close to my brother-in-law and he knows I don't like her. But he is marrying her to just settle. Nobody in the family likes her and if I mention anything to my husband he defends her. She almost broke up my wedding by saying stuff. I don't know whether to just accept her and move on or what to do. I really!!!! don't want them to get married. She can't keep a job, has had 7 in 3 years and one was her own business. She has never had to struggle for anything and takes for granted what she does have. She would be the type that after they are married that won't want to work. I think if the marriage doesn't last she will take him for everything. I've tried telling him all this but doesn't get me anywhere. Please help!

First of all I'm not trying to break up his marriage, I just don't want to see him get hurt in the end. There live affects our lives too. We are all work on a family farm so is she messes up things we lose our lively hood.

I don't say anything to him unless he asks me. Maybe I am a little jealous. Its hard not to. She copies everything I do and even has the same first name. Which is going to be very confusing when they get married. I avoid her as much as I can but thats not easy.

I really don't know what it is about her that I don't like. I normally like anybody but for her its different. And I don't think its because of my brother-in-law because I know her from before they meet. I've seen her do things that by brother-in-law doesn't know that I've been keeping to myself. Which I think it partly to why I don't trust and like her. I'm trying to get along with her but its hard.

Answer 1

Sympathies. It's hard when someone you love gets involved with somebody awful.

That said, well, you're not gonna like this, but...

Back. Off. Ain't your business, kiddo. Truly is not. His heart, his choice, his right to make mistakes, even big ones.

Only offer opinions if he asks you, and then, tread carefully. Try to be objective and don't lose your cool (people are more likely to listen to and give weight to opinions offered calmly and objectively). If he doesn't ask - you don't offer.

He knows what she's like. Now, he may be telling himself she'll change, but that's his mistake to make.

Your call is how you interact with her, and your best bet is probably Avoid When You Can/Ignore What You Can/Be Calm When You Can't Avoid or Ignore. If this relationship breaks up, your BIL will remember how you behaved, too - and may carry a bit of sourness of the "we could have worked it out but my family/friends/etc. didn't make that possible." You want to be above the mess, gracious, forgiving, not part of the problem.

It's fine to say something if she does something TO YOU, of the "I would appreciate it if you would stop saying I look like a frog in a garbage bag - it makes it very hard to like you," but otherwise, stay out of it.

He's going to have to figure this one out for himself.

Answer 2

Don't do anything, instead of looking at all her faults, ask yourself why am I so concerned with her? Don't hang on to crap she did to you or said or whatever, learn to drop it and move on. And ask your B-in-law if he's really happy, if he's truly happy to be with her. If he says he is then, you in turn should be happy for him as well. That's it, let him learn, let him see....

We all have a person or two we cannot stand, and we spend a lot of time and energy analyzing them and point out every single one of their faults, but in reality we have an issue by doing this, something inside is not right. When we do this, we only hurt ourselves, we're the one's that suffer and get angry, and hatred builds up for that person. All the while that person has no idea what's going on and they seem to be happy, and are not aware of people pointing fingers at them, don't go there be better than her, if you really don't like her then you shouldn't even be thinking of her, you shouldn't care what she's up to, don't let her get you upset, when you do she has something over you, and she don't even know it. Just take a step back and laugh at the whole thing, are things really that bad?

Everyday is a new day where anything can happen, it doesn't have to be the same as before, you can control what you want it to be, choose to be happy...and remember you cannot change or control people, everyone will have to go through experiences so they can learn, and grow.

Answer 3

We all have relatives (blood or married into the family) who are not quite what we want. But that just is part of life. You're going to have to accept her at some point so you may as well start now. You don't have to be best friends with her, but show your BIL that you support HIM. The more you criticize her, the more you will drive him to her.
If she takes him to the cleaners, then consider it his life lesson and try not to say "I told you so."

Good luck and hang in!

Answer 4

No they won't be your sister n laws just wives of your brother n laws but you can still call them your sister n laws no harm in that. Cousins, Uncles and Aunts are just part of the family. Grandfather and Grandmother also are known as in laws.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are jealous of her. Clearly jealous!! Just my opinion. It sounds like you are jealous of her easier life and somewhat worried that when she gets married to your brother-in-law that she will get to not work while you have to work. Maybe their financial situation is better than you and your husband's. Be happy and confident in your marriage and focus on your own marriage. These are grown people who are getting married and there is nothing you can do about it. You say you're so close to your brother-in-law...NOT for long!!!! Be respectful to some degree. My GOD!

Answer 6

This is you BIL's marriage, not yours. This is clearly what he wants to do or he wouldn't be doing it. You need to step back and take care of your own house and let him worry about his. You said he knows you don't like her. Fine. He knows. You will get nowhere and accomplish nothing except to drive a wedge between you two if you don't stop now. You said yourself that telling him how you feel hasn't gotten you anywhere. If you want to be a good sister, then you need to keep your opinions to yourself from now on and just be there for him when he needs you. Good luck.

Answer 7

First of all I understand completely!! But unfortunately he needs to learn this lesson for himself. I know you want to help him but from what you have said he is set on this girl for whatever reason. Maybe he is so lonely that he is content to settle for her company. Just be there for him and try and put up with her. Remember he is family and family stays together. Even if they marry a b***h! LOL

Answer 8

Stay the hell out of it... From the sound of it YOU sound like a homewrecker. Like it or not, she is going to be changing her whole life by getting married, and you will have to accept her.

Kudos to your husband for defending her. Do you know what it feels like to marry a guy for love and have his whole family hate you?? Get off your judgemental high horse and let her be!!

Answer 9

You've already answered your own question: You just learn to turn a deaf ear to the whining and turn the other cheek to the bratty-ness. Your BIL is going to marry her regardless, so NOTHING you say is going to make a whit of difference.

You simply need to learn to avoid her, and if she butts into a conversation of yours you sweet-as-sugar tell her you did NOT ask for her to join you, so please leave (or a more nasty statement would be to please shut up).

Answer 10

BILaw is old enough to make and learn from his own mistakes.

You don't have to bond with the woman, just be civil. Focus on your life and leave BILaw's situation in his hands.