Do I really have to give this woman a wedding gift...AGAIN???

Question

Girl meets guy, they get married, they don't register for gifts and so everyone gives them cash for a gift. Six months later, they both have affairs and split. Ex-husband heads off into the wild blue yonder and leaves behind everything except his clothes and car. Girl keeps cash and never thinks of returning it. Nine months later girl announces her engagement and impending marriage to affair partner. Once again, girl does not register for gifts as she prefers cash. Once again, girl plans HUGE extravaganza wedding where foods looks like it is about fifty bucks a head. I am tempted to just go eat for free and not give a gift. Would this be a bad idea?

She isn't a friend, she is a cousin. I wouldn't go, but she's family. I am obligated. And before you say, I am not obligated. Forget it, I am, you don't know my family.

Answer 1

It appears your cousin will only have 5 or 6 of these special days in her life, so splurge and give her a $10.00 gift certificate to a local eatery and eat at the wedding for free.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Just happened in my family too. I know what you mean, you just HAVE to go because of family.

I made the wedding cake as a gift for this particular couple. Buy a gift anyways, find it on clearance sale so that it looks more expensive than it is. Go to an outlet store or hit the sales racks. I wouldn't put anymore than $20 or so, less if you find a good sale.

You did not take the cousin to raise her and you can't help it that her first marriage lasted mere months, but as "family obligations" you are expected to buy something or give money.

I don't agree with the "you need to give how much the food costs". You didn't plan the menu and you didn't dictate a price. You are going out of obligation and i owuld ONLY give the bare minimum.

Answer 3

I found this:


Q: My cousin is getting married -- it's the second wedding for both her and her fiancé. My sister says it's rude to not give a gift, but I gave a present the first time. Do I really need to give another?


A: No. Those who gave gifts for the first marriage have no obligation to give again. But some family and friends of a remarrying bride or groom give anyway, simply because they want to celebrate the couple's happiness. Before you do anything, check in with other family members: Many remarrying couples forgo gifts entirely. If that's the case, your cousin should let people know by word of mouth, since any mention of gifts on the invitation is an etiquette faux pas.

Answer 4

Each wedding should be treated as a separate affair (no pun intended). When the gift of cash was given, the bride nor the groom did not have the responsibility to return the gift, but to use it for the marriage in anyway that they wished (even if it was for a divorce lawyer!). Just think about it, if you had purchased bed sheets or dinner plates would have wanted them returned to you? YUCK! So now that she is remarrying, it is appropriate etiquette to purchase a gift. if you're not comfortable with giving cash, then purchase a gift that she and the groom can use. But please don't just go for a free meal!

Answer 5

Yes it would be in bad taste. You know what: SO WHAT. Do it just for fun; who cares if it is in bad taste. She has acted badly and it would be hilarious if you go and eat free - hope she has an open bar too. If she is having a large wedding, she may not even notice that you haven't given a gift; if she does notice and has the nerve to say something, tell her one of her other guests must have stolen the cash.

If you go and eat and give no gift, please post it on here afterwards so we can all get a good laugh.

Answer 6

You wouldn't happen to be talking about a girl named Carmen in the Houston, TX area, would you? Because that is EERILY similar to what happened with my cousin.

Of her family, none of us showed up at the wedding, except her immediate family and grandparents, and our grandparents didn't give a gift.

Ah well. Two months later, she was living with cheater boyfriend #3. Now they're getting married, and she's sending out invites to her "special day" with the note that they'd like guests to send money to their travel agent to help pay for them to have the honeymoon of their dreams.

Show up, enjoy the food, give her a card with really heartfelt "Congratulations!", thanks for inviting us -- and nothing else.

Serves the twit right.

If you wanted to show your good manners and bring a gift, but don't want her to benefit, either give a gift in the form of a charitable contribution in her name (I seriously doubt, from your description, any charity would have heard of her or would ever hear of her again, so SOMEBODY ought to benefit), or give the most useless gift you can find. Something she can't return, but which etiquette says she has to thank you for. :-) Like a personalized t-shirt from one of those airbrush places in the mall, with her name on one side, and "The Little Woman" or "The Ball and Chain" on the other.


LOL. BTW, I do understand your family. There is a reason it was a huge deal that only my cousin's immediate family and my grandparents showed up. Everyone else decided, en mass, to boycott the wedding because of how unbelievably cheap and selfish she was becoming.

Answer 7

I agree with Brutally Honest: Voice your disapproval by responding in the negative, and not giving a gift. Just think if everyone who disapproved simply did not show up and did not give a gift. And you can do the same at her 3rd wedding, a year and a half from now. :-)

If you go and eat for free and not give a gift, you are committing your own breech of ettiquette, tempting as this is.

Answer 8

Instead of giving cash, give her small gift, like a picture frame. You can get one for like $15. Maybe write a note about how you wanted to get her something more sentimental than cash, and leave it that that. You aren't being rude by not giving a gift and you aren't breaking the bank to write her a big check either. Then go eat and drink to your heart's content at the reception.

Answer 9

Contrary to what this girl seems to think gifts are not required! They should be given from the heart and obviously your heart isn't in it this time....and who could blame you?


I wouldn't give her anything (perhaps a congrats card but no gift), especially since she didn't bother to try and return the money from the first wedding. If she wants two huge weddings in a short period of time that's her decision but doesn't mean I have to pay for it.

Answer 10

You do not have to give another gift to someone when they have already been married. Go to the reception for the food and have a good time. The woman should not even be having another wedding in the first place. That is not good manners to me.