I am in a relationship 10 months now. I recently started talking on the phone..internet with an ex. He is married now. I have always had strong feelings for him. Now that we are casually talking again I cant seem to focus on my current relationship. What should I do?
2007-07-20 03:44:29 · 24 answers · asked by impossible903 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Kevin C. has your answer.
2007-07-20 03:49:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should stop talking to the ex immediately. You are not really in love with him. You are in love with an ideal you have created in your head because you are not happy with your current relationship. It happens all the time. If you are not having the relationship of your dreams, then you are naturally going to start idealizing your past. Often it is an ex. But remember how he treated you! You KNOW that he is your EX for a reason. That said, the grass always looks greener on the otherside of the hill. Here is what you should do:
1. Do NOT try to stay in contact with your ex. Cut off ALL contact. Getting back with him will be a HUGE mistake. It will ruin your life, make you a homebreaker, and destroy all your self-respect. You will be destroying a marriage, and breaking someone else's heart... all for a pipe dream that is unlikely to work out. Why would you even want a loser who would leave his wife, if it ever got that far? You'll be the next person he cheats on.
2. Work on your current relationship! Obviously your new man is not giving you what you want, or you would not feel this way. Figure out what is missing in your life, then talk to your husband about it. If he won't comply, then make an appointment with a counselor, or dump him and move on. There are plenty of other guys out there; guys who are NOT married.
3. Get some counseling for yourself, while you are at it. Perhaps you are obsessive or depressed. Discuss it with your doctor and go from there.
Look, everyone has an ex. But we are not all holding on and obsessing over it. Just understand that you are idealizing him, creating an image and feelings that do not really exist. The problem is in the present, though, and not the past. The solution is in the present as well. Good luck!
2007-07-20 03:52:42 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happens is that you are only remembering the good times with your ex boyfriend and forgetting all the bad times. There was a reason for the break up. Be honest with yourself and think of the reasons why you both are no longer together. It is easy and fun and romantic to fantasise about something that was not really there. In our minds we tend to see the picture from a romantic point of view because we like the feelings it brings to us. The fact is he is married now and has moved on, you are in another relationship and need to focus on what is current and leave the past where it belongs, in the past.
2007-07-20 03:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing!! I know this answer will not get me the best answer award because it may disappoint you. But I have been counseling families for 10 years and understand what creates problems in a person's life. He is married now and you guys have moved on....so you do nothing but be a friend to him. First, you need to make sure that your reasons have to do with your ex and not more with the possibility that you are not happy with your current boyfriend. Sometimes we just appreciate people in a way that disillusions us from how we really feel. The bottom line is that he is married now and nothing can be done about that. If it is unacceptable to you...a safe way out is communication. Talk to your ex and find out what his intentions are. It is always good to be frank and to the point...you get better living that way :) Good luck my friend.
2007-07-20 03:53:09 · answer #4 · answered by elreydechess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your ex distant. avoid regular contact, focus on your current relationship or get out of it.
When it comes to feelings for someone who is married, the answer is very easy, because the right thing to do is also the healthiest thing and the best strategic thing. So have some chocolate, pour a glass of whatever, and reflect.
2007-07-20 03:51:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take a break from your ex or talk to him less, both of you are in a relationship and it could risk the relationship you are currently in. You have to except the fact that your ex has moved on and is happy. You should be happy too and enjoy your life. Don't dwindle on your past but look towards the present and future
2007-07-20 03:49:46 · answer #6 · answered by makeyourselfsick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's an ex for a reason, right? 7 years is a long time for a person to change. You're probably still in love with that person from 7 years ago.
2007-07-20 03:48:42 · answer #7 · answered by stuckinamoment 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly how you feel, cut time away from ure ex. talk to him once a month on the computer only...its the only thing workign for me. i hate feeling like im cheating but i will always have feelings for this one guys and if i dont walk away when he comes around then ill be the only one getting hurt and why do that to myself. the guy i always had feelings for was my best friend and we dated and it didnt work we both moved on but i think him more than me and this was several years ago....walk away from it theres no other way.
2007-07-20 03:53:15 · answer #8 · answered by toolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's married. End of story...rein in your hormones.... To pursue a married persons is an insult to you, your relationship and his marriage and his wife. Wake up, girl. You're off base, and you know it. Everyone just gets hurt. If your self esteem is in the toilet, get some counseling..
2007-07-20 03:51:20 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you necessarily need to cut off ties with him, but I think he should be upfront with his spouse and you should confide in your boyfriend before going any further. 7 years is a long time and though you might be feeling this way, there's a strong possibility he sees it strictly as reconnecting with an old "friend". But you can't mozy on keeping this a secret; that's rather shady, don't you think?
2007-07-20 03:51:31 · answer #10 · answered by Phenom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit Emailing and get over him - he's in the past and he's married. You will always have feelings for him, you can't stop that. He's on the otherside of the fence, and you know what they say about the grass !
2007-07-20 03:49:31 · answer #11 · answered by JAK 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋