Am I right in writing my parents off my life?

Question

When I was 15, I made mistakes. Bad crowds, once I drank and was disrespectful. They were harsh, even cruel. Every teen makes mistakes and I was really sorry. They said they didn't trust me. Of course this cruelty broke my spirit. I got into a deep depression, but they were cruel. I found people who trusted and helped me, like some teachers, so I got over. I made my parents proud, but could never see them as loving parents again. I became espectful but distant, like a stranger, never forgot that day. Today I'm 23, graduated, have a good job, and nothing changed, that day is still a painful memory. I moved out and for 3 years have hardly talked with them. they've been trying to restablish our relationship, but I avoid them, can't forget. A relationship would be hurtful, all thos sad and hurtful memories would come back. I agreed to talk with them this night, but I'll say I don't want them in my life. They didn't love and trust me when I needed them most. Now it's too late.

Our relationship will always be marked by what happened when I was a teen, there'll always be resentment. How can I see them as loving parents, if all those painful days are alive in my mind?

Answer 1

Learning to forgive is a major part of growing up. I would sit down and speak with your folks. At the end of the day, you only have one set of parents - they will always love you but probably didn't know what to do at the time when you were 15.

Answer 2

It's not to late until someone is dead. Caring this anger, hurt,
and sadness around even though you do not think you are is
not good for you. I don't know the extreme of there punishment to you but, it has scared you for life. Why not get parsed that now. You are an adult and they no longer have control. You can have a relationship with them because they are your parents. Lets face it, who grew up in a house like the Brady bunch? Find out what they were thinking at the time. Why they did what they did. What they thought the out come would be. Would they change there actions if they could do it over. After all maybe they regret it. As you said in your first sentence everyone makes mistakes, no parents are perfect and at least then you can see if it is worth having a relationship rather then writ ting them off. After all not many parents continue to get rejected but still contact there child if they are really bad people. Good Luck

Answer 3

Does it have to be too late? Your parents are imperfect people. We all are. You made mistakes when you were a teen. They also made mistakes. You've learned from your mistakes and have moved forward. You wanted them to trust you but they were unable to do that at the time.

If you've changed, is it possible they may also have changed? Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling anger and hurt or do you want to try to resolve things so you can move forward in peace? You're at a good place right now. You have an opportunity to choose between forgiveness and anger. If you forgive it'll be for you, not for them. By forgiving you'll allow yourself to release the anger and the hurt and you'll feel lighter and happier. Whether or not you allow them to be a part of your life is up to you. But forgiving them will help you.

When you meet with them, tell them exactly how you felt then and how you feel now. Don't hold anything back. Then listen to their side of things. They may have realized their mistake and they may ask for forgiveness. Yes, the memories will be there but by forgiving, the memories will become a thing of the past. By releasing them, those memories will no longer haunt you and you'll be able to move on with a clear mind and heart. I wish you all the best. I'd be interested in hearing how things turn out.

Answer 4

You began by saying "YOU" got into the wrong crowd! Did some bad things. IF your parents were critical and mean about it, I'm sorry, but that was LOVE they were showing. Why do kids think it's ok to hurt and say bad things to their parents, but the parents are the bad ones if they do?
WE parents of the world, when a baby is born, there isn't a book that pops out with the child, for us to know exactly how to be the perfect parent. But what pops out is a miracal of LIFE and it's one we partents can't help but LOVE!!
If your 23 now, your old enough to swallow the pain that you may feel they caused. BUT STOP and see who caused the pain first....it was you....you said so yourself.
At least TRY and forgive. Go get some counceling and see if that can help. Their family. If their into drugs and booze, then I'd stay away, but if not, give it a try sit, talk , listen, be heard but most of all LOVE

Answer 5

Well I of all people know how harsh parents can be. I moved out at age 14 and have been on my own every since. I was told constantly that I was a "God damned kid" I would be "pregnant before age 18" I would "drop outta high school" etc etc. My mother was extremely vocally ruff with me growing up. Thus I left. Now I have 2 kids of my own and love them more then I knew was possible. Sometime out of anger and even fear I find myself being to ruff on them. Not the vocal abuse that I faced. But still ruff with groundation time etc.

But I don't know I guess when your a parent your hard on your kids trying to get them to see something important, trying to help them understand before something really bad happens to them. I think the fact that your parents where so hard on you is only because they love you. There would be no other reason. Maybe they just went about it in all the wrong ways, But at least they didn't ignore the situation and allow you to ruin your life with what was fun at the time, before you could understand the damage it could do to you.

Answer 6

I don't know what kind of cruelty you are talking about as you don't say. I do know, as you do too if you think about it, that at the time you did break their trust in you and that is hard to rebuild.
I also know that parents make mistakes the same as everyone else. They are just people trying to do the best they can.
If there is any love left between you then I would let them know how you feel, but try to work it out...you only have one set of parents and you might be sorry one day when they are gone that you totally wrote them out of your life. Unless of course, they physically abused you. That is different, but you did not mention that here.
Pray and ask God to guide you and help you know what to do about this...that will be your best answer.

be cool...

Answer 7

You are only 23, one day hopefully you will be a parent, and when that child breaks your trust over and over, it is really heartbreaking. Is it possible for you to step outside of your memory, and try to figure out how they must have felt at that time? Remember they are human beings who also make mistakes, just like you did. To ruin a family relationship based on the emotions of a time that has since come to pass is not healthy. Please reconsider, perhaps be mature enough to tell them how you feel, maybe they regret it and don't know how to fix it either? Good luck!

Answer 8

Yes we all make mistakes, and yes you may have been sorry, and yes they may have been to hard and un trusting, pEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES, PARENTS MAKE MISTAKES, YOU WILL MAKE MANY MORE IN LIFE, AND SO WILL THEY. yOU NEED TO REALIZE YOUR NOT THAT 15 YR OLD ANYMORE, AND START ACTING AS AN ADULT AROUND YOUR PARENTS, OTHERWISE THE LONG YOU DRAG THIS SEPERATION OUT, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THAT IMMATURE IRRESPONSIBLE TEENAGER THEY THOUGHT YOU WHERE, they didn't have the chance to see you change it seems, you stayed around in that hostile enviroment, and was still angry about it, and your still that kid to them. Go visit, don't mention the past, just be yourself, and respect them for who they are, no one has any training on being a teenager, a parent or any age group for that matter. you seem a bit harsh, in not seeing that they are trying and you are not, to heal the old wounds. give them a break, it's time to grow up, or you'll be a teen in there minds as well as your own for the rest of your lives.

Answer 9

Parents always want the kid to apologize & admit that they were wrong 1st-parents can never step up & admit that they made a mistake too. Well thats how i feel w/my parents neway. im not saying push them out of your life cause u may regret it. u kind of hav2 face the fact they wont apologize 2u & ur gonna hav 2b the one 2step up. u may need 2seek extra help for all the pain ur still feeling. its like parents r always sayin how they r there 4u but when u need them most they totaly back down & turn against u. u should just suprise visit them & apologize when they least expect it 2see their reaction-they'll prob be really proud of u.

wow i think i totaly just vented on my own probs here but i hope i helped

Answer 10

It sounds like your parents were giving you what they consider "tough love". Some teenagers do make mistakes, they will ultimately push their parents to their breaking point...

However, if you parents didn't really care and love you, then they wouldn't have allowed you to stay in their house after all you had done. They could easy have abandon you.

They provided clothes, food, shelter and love, but you didn't see what they we offering...you were to busy being a party girl...Then, you believe your parents were being harsh and cruel, but actually, they were doing what most parents do with an out-of control teen...

Now, that you are older and out of their home, maybe you need to apologize for your behavior as a CHILD and recommend to your parents that you guys go to counseling.

You appear to have a lot of angry towards your parents, but you just don't realize they were trying to help and prepare you for the future.

It's easy to be angry, but hard to forgive...You only have one set of parents in this life. With that being said, communicate with your parents and forgive them for being a caring and loving parents that they so badly did while you were high school...