He live with his Mother till last year when she sent him here to live with his Dad. In the last 14 months His Grandfather has been in the Hosp. twice. Then May his Dad was put in for 3 days with heart problems. This kid will not work or help out around the house to earn his keep. Up till last week he did as he please at that point we found out he had been calling his mother telling her he was depressed and thinking about killing himself. After a Dr vist he was sent to a mental health clinic at both he blame or gave a different reason for the depression. He is in out paniet care which will end soon. His Grandmother say send him back to his mother. We are trying to show him what happen when you don't follow the rules. What should we do?
2007-07-20 02:49:27 · 8 answers · asked by tami 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
His spoiled behavior wasn't created overnight and it won't be cured overnight. First, someone needs to remind him how self-centered he is behaving, especially in light of his father and grandfather's illnesses. He needs to remain in counseling, especially is he is claiming depression. And he needs a set of rules and consequences so he will know exactly where his actions will take him. He will soon be 18; at that time, let him decide if he wants to go back to his mother, if she will take him. If nothing else works, a little tough love can go a long way.
2007-07-20 02:54:25 · answer #1 · answered by CYNTHIA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like this kid has been through A LOT!! He is just a kid, by the way!!!
It sounds to me like the problem is with the adults in his life. He isn't a possession that can be pushed aside when it is no longer wanted. He is a child that needs love and attention and nurturing! Maybe if he had some stability & security in his life, he wouldn't be so "spoiled". Nothing in your question leads me to believe this child is spoiled. Quite the opposite actually. He is crying out for attention, and instead the people who should love him are saying "Send him back to his mother"!! That is sooooo sad!!
Seventeen is a VERY difficult age. They are coming into adulthood, but not looked at by society as adults, and don't want to be treated as children. He needs to be involved with things that make him happy, sports, band, skateboarding, etc.... Working a part-time job should be required, but NOT so he can "earn his keep" . His parents need to sit him down and teach him how to manage his money. He should be allowed to keep a percentage for his personal use, and the rest he should save for the future. If you make it sound like something he HAS to do, he won't want to do. Make it appealing to him! Sit down and figure out how much his pay check would be each week and talk to him about what he could do with the money. As far as household chores. SIt him down and clearly (in writing) tell him what you expect from him. Be realistic!! Explain to him that if his daily responsibilities are not completed, he gets his weekend priveleges taken away. However, you need to also have a reward system in place for when he does complete his responsibilities!!
I could go on forever. I am the mother of four boys, ages 17, 14, 12 and 10. My oldest son has a 3.5 grade point average, has a part-time job, plays baseball, pays for his own car and insurance, and has responsibilites around the house. However, he also has a stable, loving home, as well as strong discipline. If this child has never been provided with a strong foundation, you cannot expect him to just be a "good kid" because you say he should be. It doesn't work that way!!!
2007-07-20 10:12:00 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is unhappy send him back to his moms...did he act like this with her? Maybe he is depressed and misses his friends...and sounds like he's rebelling a bit too... I don't know how the relationship is with his dad, but if they haven't been around together alot then he probably has a hard time respecting him and may even dislike him...and, sorry to say, (i think) you are just a step mom...and i can pretty much promise he doesn't respect you...he's almost 18, he will grow up, he will learn that he can't have everything he wants, some kids just have to learn the hard way, by living it. Let his mom help him through a time that sounds pretty rough for him, he'll come around soon enough...
2007-07-20 09:56:40 · answer #3 · answered by suitablepenname 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference between being spoiled and mentally ill. You need to get an education on depression and teens, being lethargic and not motivated to do anything is one of the MAJOR symptoms.
No wonder he's depressed, no one really wants to be his parent. I'd want to kill myself too if the people who were supposed to be nurturing, protecting and loving me considered me nothing but a burden. Shame on your husband for not being a better father, and shame on the grandparents for not giving a d*mn.
You could do better if you wanted to, but its very obvious that you don't. Send him back to his mother, at least there is only one person to deal with there.
2007-07-20 09:57:50 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he has to pay rent, or find a place on his own. Have his dad talk to his mom have her agree to stay firm on this with him, something like that will not work unless his mother agrees to work with the two of you. This child needs to grow up, and the only way to do it, is give him some responsibility. If he doesn't follow through with that responsibility, he has to know there are grave consequences. It sounds like this kid is pretty good at playing his parents. That needs to stop, or he's going to crash and burn when he gets out in the real world.
2007-07-20 09:55:42 · answer #5 · answered by ~~*Paradise Dreams*~~ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has not found his passion in life yet. He needs to decide what holds the key to his happiness. Someone should provide a dose of tough love and let him know what will happen once he becomes an adult. Who will feed and clothe him? Give him the truth of life that he will need to pick a course if he is to recieve help. No one should support a bum.
2007-07-20 09:59:30 · answer #6 · answered by eei59aasd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the past 17 yrs this kid has been raised to feel that the word no does not exist. There was no accountability for his /her actions. Going to be very difficult on him/her and family to change this now. Be persist ant, keep strong as in the end it will pay off and he/ she will thank you.
2007-07-20 09:55:07 · answer #7 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him back with his mother.
2007-07-20 09:57:49 · answer #8 · answered by yogurlmsbunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋