My son is 21 months old and I am at home with him (ie on a career break) - over the last week I have been putting him in his bedroom for about 3/4 hour in the morning and afternoon to play with his toys alone, he has a story tape on and lots of toys and I am in my room doing bits, he never crys and seems happy and content to play (he has a stairgate at his door so he cannot escape and he can see me - I have done this so he learns to play alone and that he can do things without me but know I am about and will come back. Well I told my friend this and she said I was cruel and negelecting him !!!! and now I feel really bad - what do others think ???? am I doing something wrong ???
2007-07-19 22:43:30 · 28 answers · asked by Pamela M 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I couldnt find a word for the noise I just made!! something like TTHTHTHTH.....LOL Your son playing on his own is not only fine but its good and healthy for him. he need to learn that he can do things on his own and mummy is not always there to entertain him. I leavemy 5 year old and my 11 month old to play together so I can do things. Imagine if you sat there all day next to hom where would the days go and what would you get done? I take it your friend has no children. If so i would say no life.....
2007-07-20 00:44:47 · answer #1 · answered by Iamme 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being cruel, nor doing anything wrong . He can see you and feels safe and secure, or he would be crying and whimpering for attention. I think it is great that he can amuse himself and learn independence, but you are keeping an eye on him at the same time. On the other hand, it is good to spend some quality time with him, perhaps reading stories or playing with toys at a set time, and/or take him on play dates with other young toddlers, a couple times a week, so that he will learn to share and socialize.
2007-07-20 05:57:06 · answer #2 · answered by Booger 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No not at all. If you went out or ignored him if he was distressed yes, that would be an issue, but he can see you and call for you if he needs to. It will encourage his independence.
I do something similar when I'm cooking. I have a stairgate between the kitchen and the living room as it would be too dangerous to have my little man (19months) in the kitchen. I can see him, he knows I'm still there and he's safe.
Sometimes friends and family have standards that whilst not wrong do not fit in with our lifestyle. Do not worry, I'm sure you are a great mum. (or mom if American!)
2007-07-20 05:54:53 · answer #3 · answered by Jaycie 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever listen to these nutjobs that tell you that you are being neglectful. Do these people spend 24/7 with their kids? I doubt it. I have been a stay at home mom for 12 years now. When my son was born I spent almost every waking minute with him for the first 5 years of his life. It came to the point where I honestly needed a break because he would follow me everywhere and as much as I loved him, I needed some alone time. You are not wrong to let your child play alone. This is how they learn to keep themselves busy without relying on anyone else and it encourages them to use their imaginations. After my daughter was born, I did not spend nearly as much time playing with her as I did my son. I am happy to say that at 12 and 8, both of my children are well adjusted kids who are more than capable of being alone, as well as being with other kids. NEVER let someone tell you that you are being neglectful because you do not play with your kid all day. No one can do that. So long as you are giving your child proper love, guidance and nutrition, you are FAR from being neglectful. People who say that make me want to puke!
P.S. - My sister has a daughter 2 months older than my son. She spent every minute with her daughter and I mean EVERY minute. To this day, her daughter is up her a-s-s for every damn thing. I am happy to say my kids know that up my a-s-s is not some place where they belong.
2007-07-20 10:22:52 · answer #4 · answered by kikio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if it is neglect i am guilty of neglecting both of my children. Although your child is not in the same room as you, it sounds like you are a pretty responsible person and know that he is in no danger.
Children and parents both need time alone to do things that need to be done, i think if you leave them to play for 3/4 of an hour or so on their own it would be good for them...it will encourage independence and also imaginative play.
I mean c'mon, he is not in any danger, you are still in the house, and its only a short while anyway.
I don't see that you are doing anything wrong...as for your friends opinion that you are neglecting your chile, tell them its a difference of opinion and totally different parenting styles.
2007-07-20 06:08:41 · answer #5 · answered by charli 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are giving your son a wonderful gift, the ability to entertain himself. I also think that if your son is happy and doesn't cry, then you are doing him no damage. Neglect would be if he was crying and screaming the whole time but you would not respond or if you just left him alone like that all the time all day. I don't deliberately leave my 22 month old alone but I find that she enjoys going to her room by herself for little bits of time and I encourage that. You're doing just fine.
2007-07-20 09:18:14 · answer #6 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as your son is happy and not screaming the whole time, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, in fact i would say that it is doing him good.
I find these days ( i am a child minder) that a lot of children especially only children and the first child are soooo clingy to their parents and expect to have 100% aattention 100% of the time. and in the world we live in this is never going to happen so you are doing the right thing just now in bringing your son up to be content and happy and not spoiled.
2007-07-20 05:54:43 · answer #7 · answered by Mum&wife 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh For God's sake. Ignore your so-called "friend", if she was a true friend she would not accuse you of neglect. What a silly, pathetic woman she must be. I think you are doing the perfectly right thing, he is learning to play independently, what's wrong with that?
Maybe she thinks it's better to have one of those whiny, whingey children who have to be "entertained" all the time by their parents....and we all know what joys those type of kids can be to have around. If you were playing with him all the time he would never learn to be independent. Ignore her silly behaviour and do what you think is best.
2007-07-21 12:14:11 · answer #8 · answered by lululaluau 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being perfectly reasonable. If your son is happy and content then how can he possibly be cruelly treated or neglected?! Kids need to learn to amuse and entertain themselves without the help of a TV set or a games console. Good for you for giving him a balanced upbringing.
2007-07-20 05:48:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
My 16 month old is doing just that at the moment!! Only difference is, no stairgate - but he is safe to wander around up here. I am cleaning bathrooms so not overly safe for him to be under my feet - and he is perfectly happy!!
2007-07-20 05:48:22 · answer #10 · answered by Sal*UK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋