He's found me thru Friendster and emailed - asking for forgiveness and a second chance. All these years he's managed to stay away, and my son and I have moved on perfectly well without him. I'm now in a relationship and my bf and I love each other and are happy together. My son has a good friendly relationship with my bf. First off, I thought, why now? what for? Honestly, I don't know what to make of it. Your inputs would be much appreciated.
2007-07-19 22:38:16 · 13 answers · asked by cricket 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You said: “why now? what for?”
I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say that he’s now grown up, realizes that he made a mistake, and wants the opportunity to apologize and attempt to rectify it as much as he possibly can, so that he might be able know his child to some small degree. Because, what else does he have to gain from it?
Personally, if it were me, I’d be willing to at least let him meet the child (although I probably wouldn't invite him into my home for this meeting). I’d encourage the child to meet him. I'd likely feel differently if the child were younger and therefore might be confused by it, but your son is certainly old enough to understand the situation. And I think it might be a good thing to let the child hear him say, “I made a huge mistake, and I’m sorry.” That’s just my opinion though. And it’s not my child or my decision.
It sounds like maybe you’re concerned that once your son meets his biological father, it will have a negative effect on his relationship with your boyfriend? Why do you think that? If your son has a good relationship with Boyfriend, then meeting his father shouldn’t change it.
2007-07-20 02:06:11 · answer #1 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I must ask this question, was it you who wanted him away from you and your baby on the way or did he just leave. If it was you, it must have been a good reason to get away. If he uped and left then he can start by giving you a check for rear child support and begin making regular monthly payments. If this is done then you can talk about limited visits and work from there. He cannot just pop back and not come to the table. You have taken care of this child for a long time without him. Great job!!!. On the other hand that is his father and if these things are met, I feel that it should be talked about with your new bf and the child. Don't leave him out of the talks. Good luck ....
2007-07-20 05:59:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately your son will probably want to meet him. Just talk to the ex beforehand, and explain that if he does not want a permanent relationship with the child, and is only curious her can hit the road. Tell him that you do not want your son to be devastated if he decides to take off and not contact your son again. Tell the ex that the child will blame himself, and think himself not good enough. You ex could scar the child for life at this very delicate age.
I am glad my son's sperm donor waited until my son was 17. He met his son, asked for my phone #. When he called, he asked if I was single and would go out with him again. When I told him no, he never called that child again!!!! What a jerk!! Thank goodness my son was well adjusted by then, or he could have destroyed his confidence in himself.
14 on the other hand, is a very difficult age. With puberty in motion, and the hormones imbalanced, a child could go into a depressed stage. Be very careful with your decision. Good Luck!
2007-07-20 05:58:41 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A second chance to be in your son's life, maybe. If he is back to stay and proves his commitment to being a father to him then you can't keep them apart...that's after your son shows interest and he shows he's worthy to be in his life. You will have to use your better judgment on this. I don't know what caused his departure but just because he decided to return does not mean you should have to pause your progress for him. You, as you said, have found a great bf and do not necessarily come as a package deal. You are in control. He will have to accept things on your terms or forget it. Be sure to guard your son's feelings and make that your #1 priority.
2007-07-20 05:51:19 · answer #4 · answered by mickeymel9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you love your son's father than your present bf, your responsibility to the father depends more on what your son may want. Try to know more about the father's intentions. In all these, discuss things with your bf and with your son.
2007-07-20 06:03:34 · answer #5 · answered by wind m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would see what his intentions are by his action's, action speaks louder than words. He may be there for good intentions, and your son would benefit. Its a easy call, just make sure you read between the lines, your son is top priority, and you don't want resentment from him, for coming between him and his father. Good Luck!
2007-07-20 06:47:47 · answer #6 · answered by itsmetrea 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my daughters father has never been there and ohnestly if he come back i would tell him where to go he hasnt been there done nothing she hasnt needed him now why when it suits him you might feel different but i would not trust him and definetly would only let him see the child in a supervised area and you need to make sure he is gonna stick around this time for your childs sake
2007-07-20 05:55:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some father have a habit of doing that when the kids are grown up , you son may wish to meet his dad and get to no him , as for let the pasted be buriad
2007-07-20 05:53:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
despite the fact that he hasnt been around before your son was born, you son has the right to know who his father is, and t form his own opinion of his father....Ask your son what he thinks...and just pray for the best!
2007-07-20 05:52:50 · answer #9 · answered by wherenai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm maybe he got in to some trouble but then again some guys want too be in there kids lives sooner or later
2007-07-20 05:42:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋