What do you do/say when someone says "you are too quiet"?

Question

Some people could consider me "quiet" or "shy", but that's just me. I'm a natural introvert, and I know who I am. Some people don't understand me at times, and will point out that "I don't talk a lot" or say "You are so shy!" I absolutely hate that. I never know how to respond. What should I do?

It's not that I am a boring person, or am afraid to be around people. I just love listening to what others have to say. Most people don't understand it until they get to know me though. I know I am "quiet", for lack of a better word, and I like it that way. But when people misundertand it for social anxiety or accuse me of being overly shy, it just makes me so mad. I hate labels, in case you couldn't tell.

Answer 1

I don't think you're boring at all Hannah. And you know what I think you should do? Keep drawing energy from just watching and listening to other people. I used to be a very outgoing and extremely extroverted individual full of new ideas that I loved sharing with everyone whom surrounded me. I never picked on the shy ones though. I knew why they were quiet. In fact, I always had great talks and found my shy friends to be far more interesting than all my other loud know it all friends. Yet, as I got older and drifted away from that youthful inspiration, jobs settled in and made life less exciting I suppose. Not to say I don't like what I do. I love it with a passion. But, I'm very quiet and reserved now. Unlike I used to be, the headline act in the crowd. Not anymore. Now it's just the opposite. I'm the guy in the background with a stone face who's constantly being razzed to speak up. I guess I've discovered that wisdom comes from observation and not by the knowledge that you know which in some sense needed to be validated by others. I like being quiet now. I'm at peace with myself and like you said Hannah. It's just who we are. "I know who I am" I melted when I read that. Made me feel good about myself. Thanks Hannah.

Answer 2

Just tell them you're not shy, that you are just not very talkative and more of a listener.

I'm an introvert too and I'm very quiet. It has nothing to do with shyness, I just don't like talking. I've seen myself how hard that is for people to understand. I've often been mistaken for a shy person too, so I know how you feel. It's annoying how people just assume things and hand out labels, but just be who you are. Sooner or later everyone who is important will get to know you well enough to realize that this is just your personality.

Answer 3

I have exactly the same problem as you there.
I get 'she doesn't talk much', 'oi you, you're right and quiet.' and I get accused of being snobby just because, in the presensce of people I don't know I'd rather listen than talk, for a while.

With my friends I'm chatty and confident, it's just with strangers I'm not but they, unfortunately, are the ones who will judge you.

I think you should ignore them, I've learned to. If a family friend, or someone you need to show respect to, says something negative about how little you talk, laugh it off. That's what I do.
Or say that you're just tired, or have a sore throat.

I hope this helps in the slightest.
Take care.
Kate.
x.

Answer 4

You know Darling

You are wise...

When im told such a think ... i tell them (in a joking manner, generally this comment of mine is taken as witty) that-

Wouldnt the air around us be much lighter
if we weighed our words before we spoke.

- Lao tze (A chinese philosopher)

Do not speak unless you can improve the silence. Logical isnt it?

Another aspect of silence or speaking less is - There are times when silence has the loudest voice

And you can tell them that i know when to talk and when to be quiet because - Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.

I hope my friends will agree - Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts.

Last but not the least,

See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...we need silence to be able to touch souls.”

Be at peace and prosper

Ritu

Answer 5

Lol... TRUST ME I know how you feel. I have been diagnosed with Social Anxiety and I also hated it when someone said to me "You are so quiet." That has happened to me so much! I usually just shrug my shoulders and like make a shy face and just say "... I get shy!" in like a friendly way. But I agree with SwissGirl's answer and I think that is also a good response. I wouldn't worry about it that much though it happens to me a lot too and I am used to it now. But I am going to try to talk more next school year... hopefully I can without getting shy *fingers crossed*!
♥ I hope this answer helps! =)

Answer 6

The word shy is overused sometimes.I,m the same way,I usually don,t have much to say unless there is something important to say or contribute.Don,t let other people,s views upset you.People talk as a way of bonding with others,and they want to bond with you.Take it as a compliment.It,s your decision to bond or not by what you say or how much you say. People who talk too much may do it out of nervousness or they are overstepping the boundries trying to find out too much personal information from you. After all a girl can,t be too careful now adays.It isn,t very polite of them to judge you on it.I would say maybe they are just extroverted.

Answer 7

i know this answer from personal experience! People will always continue to say this until you become more outgoing. You dont have to change if you dont want to, a clever remark will sometimes make you feel better, but people WILL continue to say this. I know when people say that it seems so negative, with my experience it bothers me because it is one of my flaws that i would like to work on. But at the same time i am a great listener and i am sure you are too! Keep your head up!

Answer 8

Sorry, but anyone who'd actually say that to you probably DOES think that you are boring. Getting angry doesn't accomplish a lot, leaving that environment will get you away from the criticism, but also it will get you ALONE and perhaps lonely.

So, if you realize you have something under the surface that is worthwhile for others to get to know about, then help them out a little bit, and try to bring yourself out of your shell, rather than complaining that they are rude.

Life is a growing process, saying "that's just the way I am" in this case is a total cop-out, and I don't agree that it is wrong for your friends to try to help you.

Answer 9

Just say, "I'm thinking about something". Its okay to be quiet it saves you the energy of drama. I myself am very outspoken and it has gotten me in a lot of trouble. Yet my sister who is very quiet doesn't get into trouble at all. People would always ask me if there is a problem with her, but she's just quiet. My friends even turned against me once and guess who they were talking to? My sister, you see she never opens her mouth for drama that she always got along with everybody in the end. Be who you are, I know in my heart that there is nothing wrong with you because you remind me of my sister.

Answer 10

Are you shy or are you listening intently? If there's an opportunity where you feel you should say something but can't, then you need to be more outgoing! If you're sitting there intelligently listening, then don't change! I believe a quote from Winston Churchill goes something like "I've only regretted words I've spoken, not words unspoken".