Okay I used to drive with a driving instructor but he is too busy so now my mom switched me to another. I only need a few lessons and I will be ready to get my license! But the new guy I am driving with makes me uncomfortable... while I am driving he is always talking meanly (not to me about other people)... he is teaching me new stuff that clashes with what the first guy taught me (and the other guy was the one who was teaching me the right way)... he also doesn't watch me when I am driving and doesn't tell me any mistakes I make. But the one thing that really bothers me is he keeps touching my thigh and stuff. I know it probably isn't a big deal but I am more sensitive with things like that because I was abused once (like sexually...) and it makes me uncomfortable. Am I just overreacting to this? I mean I don't think I am... what do you guys think? It makes me uncomfortable while I'm driving and I wanted to hear everyone's opinion.
Thanks 4 your help! =)
2007-07-19 18:36:09 · 24 answers · asked by Sunshine 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Okay to the 2nd person... I am too shy to say anything... I usually just deal with the discomfort.
2007-07-19 18:45:45 · update #1
Oh and thanks for all your opinions, I appreciate it! =)
2007-07-19 18:46:10 · update #2
Oh to Kathryn my mom doesn't know how to drive but thanks 4 the suggestion! =)
2007-07-19 18:49:52 · update #3
Okay I know if I told my mom she wouldn't make me go to the driving lesson I have scheduled with him that is tommorrow so I want to tell her what's up but I am afraid I will hurt the instructor's feelings... I know that sounds ridiculous and I don't know why! Should I cancel them?
By the way thanks again 4 all your help!
2007-07-19 18:54:03 · update #4
I can really understand your shyness, lack of assertiveness and even reluctance to hurt this guy's feelings.
Unfortunately, you have reached a point that was always going to come one day ~ it is time to discover how to be an adult in the world :-)
This will NOT be the last guy who will behave in this way (the leg touching), or the last person who will try to give your poor service for your money.
If you do not stand up to him, you are letting yourself get ripped off in two ways ~ you are failing to address his disrespect for you as a person, and his disrespect for you as a buyer of his service.
If you really feel you cannot speak with him, you must tell your Mum, after all, she is paying for these lessons and she would not be wanting this type of thing to go on.
If you do want to speak directly to him, when he does something you dislike, such as touch you, say "please do not touch me". Don't shriek and make a huge scene, just speak clear and in an ordinary voice.
If he says 'I didn't mean to" or makes some excuse, just say "I don't like being touched and I don't want you to do it again". You need to be VERY clear.
Trust me, if this guy is an employee he is going to behave himself from then on! When you get home from your lesson, ask your mum to arrange for a different driving instructor, as you do not like his behaviour.
You MUST stand up for yourself in this. In a way, you are getting two lessons for the price of one ... you are learning to drive and you are learning to deal with this type of behaviour as an adult.
Remember ~ you will only ever have the respect in life which you claim for yourself. Now is a good time to start :-)
Best wishes :-)
2007-07-19 20:08:02 · answer #1 · answered by thing55000 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell your Mom this guy makes you really uncomfortable and you need to switch to a new instructor right away. Besides the fact that from what you say he is a lousy instructor, and that could affect whether or not you will pass your driver's test, or even if you will be a safe driver, there is no way you should have to put up with some pervert touching you. It is totally wrong and he is definitely taking advantage of your reluctance to say anything, even if he does it in a subtle way.
2007-07-19 20:07:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When he was talking meanly, did you tell him you didn't like that? If you didn't then perhaps it would be a good idea the next time he talks meanly? The same for the touching issues. I'm not sure whether you're overreacting. He should stop with that immediately after you told him you didn't like it. And...
If it isn't working with you and that guy, the lessons, for whatever reason. That's reason enough to switch to another driving instructor. That doesn't make him a bad driving instructor. Perhaps he's okay for other pupils. I hope you find my opinion interesting. Regards and good luck, Erik
2007-07-19 18:55:20 · answer #3 · answered by erik12321 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have been victimized in the past, trust your instincts and tell your folks. His behavior is unethical and it's probably not the first time he has tried a stunt like this. Unfortunately people are often too afraid to say something or speak up out of embarrassment. Reporting him will not only help yourself, you will help others as well. If for some reason someone gives you a hard time or doesn't believe you, find someone else. Many people have closed minds and refuse to believe that someone they know or interact with may be deviant. That's not the case. Many sociopaths (such as serial killers) can appear quite charming and it's just a facade. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS and you're not alone, I have been there too, as many other women and MEN have too. Good luck.
2007-07-19 20:49:27 · answer #4 · answered by Doc2b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is inappropriate. In fact, if a driving instructor makes you feel uncomfortable for ANY reason, its time to switch. You need to feel at ease and concentrate on driving not worring about what the moron will do next.
You don't deserve feeling this way. If you had a daughter and she felt like this, would you put up with it? I think not.
He knows exactly what he is doing.
Tell mom, she will take care of the rest.
2007-07-19 19:57:31 · answer #5 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about hurting his feelings. Unless you have some kind of contract with this person just cancel the appointment and start getting lessons from someone else. That is the last thing you need to deal with when you are learning to drive. It's too important to learn to drive the right way.
2007-07-19 19:00:31 · answer #6 · answered by wendygirl1000 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Switch driving instructors... This guy is a complete creep and he can care less about your success... Why stick with him? I don't want to be harsh on you but it's common sense... He isn't teaching you the correct way, He doesn't pay attention to your driving and he touches your thigh in a way that you notice... You're not over-reacting at all, that's your instinct talkin to you... IF he was touched your thigh in a normal manner, you wouldn't notice it because there wouldn't be body language... BUT you do notice it, and he didn't just touch it once, he's done it a few times... COMPLETE CREEP and a PERVERT. Stay away.
2007-07-19 18:48:11 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Right 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
These men take advantage of all women because generally we are polite and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. You need to tell your mom and have her tell the instructor's supervisor that you are not comfortable with that guy and have her demand another instructor.
Don't put up with this from him.
Personally I would like to see him reported for sexually harassing you, but it does not sound as if you are comfortable doing that.
2007-07-19 19:10:13 · answer #8 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whether those classes are paid for or are for unfastened is beside the point. She is mistreating you, and you will not would desire to settle for this in spite of everything. i think of which you will desire to communicate on your dad and mom approximately it, and pass to the government of the school and check together with her or him approximately this. clarify which you won't be able to study in this climate. with regard to the instructor, i'm a instructor myself, and that i know that usually while your pupils don't get it the type you want that's troublesome, you preserve repeating an identical element, they are in a position to't do what you want, you get indignant. even although, needless to say pupils won't be able to 'do what you think of they'd desire to be doing' - i ask your self how lots journey your instructor unquestionably has... that's no justification for appearing this type.
2016-10-22 03:32:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are overreacting in the slightest. Tell your Mom what's going on and report him to his superior. He is being completely unprofessional!
Addition:
Who cares about hurting his feelings!! Don't be concerned about that! Be more afraid of what he could possibly do to you if you continue to use him as a instructor. Tell your Mom!
2007-07-19 18:40:30 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs M 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋