Do quiet, introverted guys have a chance?

Question

I'm a University student and pretty much all of my peers are extroverted and into stuff like getting drunk, partying, clubbing and such. On occasion I've tried to join them and 'fit in', but as a quiet introverted person, I don't find it particularly enjoyable. So consequently I find myself an outcast and alone most of the time. Unless I have common interests with a person I find it hard to maintain a conversation and people quickly lose interest.

The lack of people similar to me at University leads me to question whether this will be the case throughout life and whether I'd ever find a partner. I guess what I'm trying to find out is whether there are girls out there who aren't so much into mass socialising and partying, but instead, who'd rather just be alone with their partner, go out travelling, photographing and being outdoors as opposed to being so drunk that they have no recollection of the past day? Or will I have to change myself to fit the extroverted mould to have a chance?

Thanks to those who have responded so far, your comments, some of which are very constructive are greatly appreciated. Personally, I don't particularly want to change, I don't see how a lasting relationship can be built when one isn't even being honest with himself, it's about finding someone who loves you for who you are.

I guess it's the combination of parental pressure to become more sociable and join everyone else as well as the perceived lack of likeminded people that contributed my questioning of myself. It's difficult to believe that it is simply a matter of time when there's literally next to no quieter introverted types in my course and I've never had any girl show any interest in me.

Thanks to your comments however, I am reassured that people who aren't just into clubbing, drinking and such, those who do have some substance and want a proper loving and caring relationship, do exist out there, somewhere. Thanks again everyone! :)

Answer 1

It sounds like you are taking chances but probably wasting those chances by using them in the wrong places.

Have you tried local cafes or the campus libraries and using your bravado in more controlled environments. Go to a cafe and pick your spot. Get a table near a girl that interests you, take a book with you and order a drink. Let a little time pass and when you can make eye contact smile and ask her what she is reading. I'm sure you can think of more questions to ask from there. The idea may make you uncomfortable and may take some attempts on your part. But don't consider them failures. Just think of it as training, acquiring a new skill.

As for these large events either don't attend so many or set a curfew, a time to get out. As you point out you go to these parties and feel marginalized. That feeling can become amplified the larger the social situation. Ultimately you just go home feeling bad about yourself.

If you are at a large campus check with student activities for upcoming social events. Some have speed dating events throughout the year. Not to mention photography club and wilderness groups.

Overcoming shyness is never easy and at times may feel insurmountable. But when it comes down to it ask yourself. Who controls your life, you or your shyness? Who do you want to be controlling your life?

Take Care and Best Wishes

Answer 2

I am an introverted guy so i know what you're dealing with. Everybody stands a chance, man. You'll find somebody you just have to give it time, I personally didn't have a g/f all through high school. It was too much of a social scene for me. The year after I graduated I met a girl who was interested in me for the person I was. The funny thing is she was still in high school and extremely popular with tons of friends. One at a time on different days I'd meet her friends and soon I noticed that the feeling socialy isolated was gone. As a matter of fact I now have a lot of friends thanks to her, and we're engaged. So you see, everybody stands a chance, just keep your eyes open.

Answer 3

You wrote "Unless I have common interests with a person I find it hard to maintain a conversation and people quickly lose interest." That is the KEY to meeting and keeping friends and relationships. To recognize that at a young age is great.
Some ideas, join a photography club, or a hiking club (or go on hikes sponsored by retailers like REI if there's one nearby). Travel alone or with a friend and stay in hostels where you'll meet people like yourself who love to travel.
In your favorite classes, make friends with girls in your class and study together or get a cup of coffee.
Whatever you do, don't change your personality, because you're going to make someone a great husband someday.
And you should still go to the parties once in a while, 'cause you never know who else is going to be standing on the sidelines making fun of the drunk kids.

Answer 4

You don't have to change yourself, as much as you have to wait for the others around you to grow up. And you should take into account, some of those people are away from home for this first time, and the partying is their way of being free from parental restrictions. Eventually, that loses its thrill for most stable people.

If you look over the answers you've posted, a lot of people respond to your writing online. Go look on Craigslist for others looking for friends, or photography groups. A lot of us more introverted people often communicate through the Internet, so use that to your advantage.

Also as you get further into your education, you will end up in classes that are more focused on your major. Once your classes are more specialized, you will end up finding more people with similar interests that you can converse with.

And one thing to remember is, you are stuck with yourself for the rest of your life... do you really want to change and not like what you see in the mirror? That sounds like a pretty rough life to live.

Answer 5

There is nothing in the world wrong with you as you are. And yes, there is someone out there for you who will share same interrests.

I was horribly shy and introverted all during high school. I had no friends, I didn't go out with them and party. I gained a little ground as a young adult and then reverted to worse than before due to an Exhusband's mental/emotional abuse. It took me no less than 5 years to lift my eyes from the pavement again after that. I remained relatively quiet and reserved until I met my current husband 12 years ago. A good man and lots of love and I am no longer the shy introvert that I was before.

Hang in there. There is always someone out there waiting to meet a nice quiet guy just like you. ; )

Answer 6

If there's a quiet, introverted guy out there, then there's gonna be a quiet , introverted girl, too. Don't change yourself, you'll find someone, don't give up. Who knows, a spunky outgoing girl might be the perfect girl for you because she lets you know it's okay to have fun once in a while! There are girls out there just like you! If people are losing interest in your ideas then change the subject. The world is filled wiht amazing things! You'll find something to talk about!
Good Luck!

Answer 7

yo man i'm in that same boat, well, not the exact same boat. i'm really introverted like whenever i go to parties, my scene is always in the quieter more intimate portion of the party, like on the porch where people are actually talking and playing music and such, vs doin stupid frat **** and gett'n wasted.part of being introverted means that you do a lot of thinking on the inside, but that doesn't mean you can't share it with someone. all the outgoingness you really need is that initial spark between you and another person,to see if your energies mix well. You'll most likely run into a girl who feel exactly like you. I never thought i would myself, but i did, and it kicks asss. :) hang in there bro

Answer 8

Lets simplify this whole issue. Let me relate to you sir......
I am also university student. I hate bars, I do not get drunk every night, and I have stepped foot in a club one time and hated it. What I have not told you is that I am dating a very attractive girl whom I love very much and I am proud to say that she holds the same viewpoint on everything mentioned above. We are the same in that area...therefore look for someone in your social area that is similar to you....Dont bend to other people's standards if that is not what you like. There is someone whom you are compatible with in your lifestyle. Open your eyes...it seems like all those other people are the only ones with a chance. But do not overlook the fact pal that alot of those people live unhealthy moral and physical lifestyles, and that you will find a lovely, non-HIV infected, girl in your outlooks. Shes there man.........be patient.

Answer 9

Yes, you have a chance, and don't ever feel the need to be someone you're not! Please don't become just another drunken idiot to fit in. You sound much more self-aware than the average college student, and some intelligent woman is going to greatly appreciate it. Granted, introverts don't meet people so easily, but when you do meet someone as thoughtful as you are, it will have been worth the wait.

Answer 10

My husband was in your exact situation before we met. Believe me, you stand a chance. You just might be looking in the wrong place. There are girls out there who aren't into drinking and partying. My husband I met in math class. He noticed that I was really quiet too, and one day, he just took the plunge and started talking to me. Don't change. That could be the worst thing you could do. The quiet type is kind of nice. It's refreshing. The girl you're to be with is out there. Just have faith.