advice on a 5 year old?

Question

my 5 year old doughter is out of control she wont listen to me she yells at me im asking for different ideas to disapline her with out hitting her i do not believe in hitting children but i wont her to listen to me

Answer 1

As a teacher for many years I would ask you if there have been any recent changes in the child's life (divorce, separation etc). My guess is that something feels out of control to the child if this is new behavior. First try talking to her in a relaxed atmosphere, hold her, try to get at the bottom of the problem. I'm glad you don't want to hit her.....keep asking for advice!

Answer 2

you should never EVER bribe or threaten something to a child. By saying... if you do this I will give you this! Or don't do this or i'll...." It's not only a bad and lazy way to discipline, it teaches the child that you are not really in control. By giving them an option, you are putting THEM in control of the situation and that's NOT how it should be. YOU are the parent, and whether they like it or not, YOU are their disciplinarian. You need to tell her what she needs to do and what she does not need to do and WHY. But, really why. Not some made up thing. Tell her that the child must obey the parent at all times. You are there to protect her and even if she doesn't understand it, you know what you are doing. Tell her this. We under-estimate the knowledge and capability of children's understanding.

Warn her that if she does not obey you, then her disobedience will result in punishment (a spanking on her bottom. She is definitely old enough for this). And if she still does not obey after the first warning, then ALWAYS follow through with the punishment that you told her. Give her the spanking! Don't ever do the counting thing. Don't say "don't do that.. l'll count to three!.. "one.... two..." it gives them an opportunity to dissobey... even if just for 3 seconds... they will take advantage of this! Tell them flat out that they do not need to do this b/c it's dissobedience and that is wrong. If you are out in public and they need a spanking, I would suggest kneeling down to her level and say "you have dissobeyed me and you are going to get a spanking for this when we get home." Then... when you get home... remind her why she is getting the spanking, tell her you love her, and FOLLOW through with the spanking.

NEVER tell them that you are going to do something (punishment for example) and then not follow through with it. This is the biggest thing in a child's developement where they learn to take advantage.

And one more thing. Always reward her for doing something good, INCLUDING good behavior. The more she is rewarded, the more she will want to please you. This will take time (as everything does) but the results are well worth it! Plus, it's her life! That's what we mothers are here for!

If you have any more questions, I would love to talk for hours! Contact me anytime. Also here is a wonderful website to view about parenting and family! It's awesome!

http://www.family.org/

You can type in anything you have a question about in the search box and many helpful articles will come up. I promise you will love this website!

Hope this helped! Good luck and be blessed! :o)

Answer 3

You should establish clear boundaries of what you will not tolerate. When she misbehaves, the penalty should be swift and sure - no inconsistencies with sometimes she's punished for disrespect and sometimes she's not.

If you do not believe in a swat on the butt, you'll need to come up with an alternative punishment. My Mom always thought a mouthful of Listerine would help an out-of-control mouth. You could also try time-outs, but sending her to her room is probably pointless if it's filled with toys. Some kids have to stand in the corner with their back to the room. They seem to hate that because they can't see what's going on. You could try taking all of her toys away, and giving her one toy back each day she goes the whole day without sassing you.

If nothing that you try works, I'd take her to the pediatrician or physician and see if (s)he thinks you need a referral to a child psychologist.

Answer 4

You need a time out corner! First you give the warning that if the behavior doesn't stop that she will be visiting the time out spot. Count to five if necessary. If she doesn't obey then sit her in the spot for one minute per year of age! Be sure to lay all the ground rules down at some point before trying to implement any discipline. And then stick with it. Be consistent. Don't let her get away with breaking rules one day and then stick to them the next. Both of you will end up frustrated!

Answer 5

If you don't believe in hitting her (and I do believe you can discipline a child without spanking), then you will have to come up with consistent, no tolerance discipline. If she doesn't listen to you and yells at you, she has been winning the game of "Who's boss?" in your household. I found that if I explained to my child what the consequence would be for certain behaviors (you could make a rules chart) and ACTED consistently when she misbehaved, she got the message REAL quick that I was in charge. Refrain from bribing or warning without following up. Yelling isn't effective either. You have to TEACH her to treat you with respect. If you'd like some concrete ideas on discipline, feel free to email me. Best of luck on your journey with her :)

Answer 6

There is all ways time out did not work for me though with any of my head strong kids.I did some success with a reward chart .or better yet in most schools now adays they use a card system ask her teacher about it.and try applying it at home it really helped with my 5 yr old dau.I know it feels horrible to feel so hopeless when it comes to an unruly child but you find you own solution and I know its hard and it hurts but sometimes a spanking is all there is.goodluck I truly feel for I still have one more 5 yr old to go .

Answer 7

Take things away from her that are important. If my child left toys on the floor for 20 min after I said to pick them up they would then go into a bin for homeless children. She got the message when she realized I was serious. My sister got sick of hearing her kids telling her no. So everytime they said it they had to pay her. When they were very young it was only 25 cents. They also got the message pretty fast. Get it. Hit em where it hurts! Their prized possessions.

Answer 8

Oh, I took care of my niece from 1year old to 6 years old but I never spank or hit her. Be patient with the child. Try to tell her not to do this or that in a nice way. Or you can simply divert her attention in doing what she likes to do. Or introduce to her new lessons like drawing, painting with water colors, or even try to teach her new songs. She must be praised every time she does something nice. That's how children are.
Have a nice day :) GOD BLESS THE CHILD!

Answer 9

When she yells at you get down on her level, grab her by her upper arms (Gently, but firmly) and look her in the eye. Tell her that if she does not stop yelling you will start taking away tv, computer time, etc. You need to be consistant in your discipline or nothing will work. When you use consistant discipline they know what to expect and will remember and it helps them behave better.

Answer 10

http://www.incredibleyears.com/ read the book and attend the classes if you can find a place. It is a wonderful program full of ideas for those of us who don't want to use violence. My son use to be so bad they were talking bipolar or something else like that but now they are thinking just basic behavior problems all of which are being addressed with the incredible years program.