.then he resurfaced when i was 15 and then disappeared again after 3 months and this has been going on for many years now he will pop up every 3 years apoligize say this time is different and he wants a relationship bla bla bla,the point is now im a grown married woman just had my first baby,and every time my wound starts to heal he pops up again and im reduced to that litlle lost 7yr old who wants her father again .at this point isnt it best if he just stay the hell out of my life he tortures me with this cat and mouse game please give heartfelt replies icant let go of this because he keeps doing it.and yes i have tried talking to him about it like i said he always says it will be differnt .
2007-07-19 15:57:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
maybe i should have mentioned my mother passed away when i was 19 and my father is the only blood realtive i have not that it even matters to him
2007-07-19 17:01:47 · update #1
Simple next time he contacts you tell him you want nothing to do with him. By now he has proven he will not keep his promise to you that things will be diffrent. girl this pain that you are feeling is not something you need. Your familey that you have right now is the important people. A man that has rarley been there for you and still is there very rarely does not deserve your time of day. stay strong i will be praying for u
2007-07-19 16:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by Gypsy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am very sorry that this is happening to you. Must be a real drag. The important thing is that you are a mother now, and you have to put your children, and yourself first, because believe me you will have enough emotional stuff to deal with as your child grows. So, if you have gone to counseling/therapy already, and still can't come to terms with this (by this I mean not letting it upset you anymore) then set boundaries with you dad, and by that I mean say good-bye. He has a problem, it does not have to be yours. He no longer has a "right" to see you. Protect yourself, for your children. Perhaps if you have not gone to therapy yet, it might help, but the goal is for you to learn to protect yourself. My children suffered by their dad leaving us, when they were little, and starting a new family, and only caring about the new children. For years and years my children hurt, but a good child shrink helped them to protect themselves from the never-ending disappointment of their dad (saying he'd show up for concerts, etc, and not showing). It's very important to deal with these things. Life is too short, and there is so much fun, and good things out there, to let a loser ruin your life. Also, remember, "modeling" you will hear this a lot...as your child grows and problems come up, you will be able to share your experience of how you gently, yet firmly dealt with your father, and protected yourself. Remember, he will probably try to do this act with your children. They would not be AS impacted as you are, because he's a grandpa, but still, I would sadly say, let it go. Don't see him anymore.
Or, as an alternative, if you can live more comfortably with this, you could set a schedule, like, "dad, we can meet every 6 months for coffee". Then, if he does not show the very first time, on the selected date that YOU make, then leave it alone forever, and forget about him, and be happy that you are a healthy, grown woman who now has a chance to be an awesome parent! One last thing, and please forgive me if you're not religious, but remember that you always have a devoted, perfect Father in heaven. God bless you, and good luck with this!! Also congrats on your baby!!
2007-07-19 23:33:54 · answer #2 · answered by Neil Young meets Shastakovitch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will NEVER be different you should learn by now! When ever he's around have fun with him but just expect him to leave again. Tell him how much you love him and get his email or phone number so you could keep in contact it might just be overwhelming for him to see you grown, and married, and with a child. Plus he has his own family and maybe you should just give him a break. I'm not taking his side but understand it on both sides. Hope this helps.
2007-07-19 23:43:28 · answer #3 · answered by shelbyroxhardcore 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my dad was never around when i was younger. my mom was and still is my world. my father has since become a better parent, but i keep him at a safe emotional distance, whereas my mom and i are like peas in a pod. HE'S the one that lost out on the special kind of relationship that i have with my mom. I'm fine with having her as my main parent. i hope you have a mom like that too. you have a child,and after having kids, i am CLUELESS as to how a parent couldjust leave. based on that, he will NEVER have my trust or unconditional love. you need to realize that YOU'RE the important one out of all this, his feelings don't matter. you're the child and that's how it is! don't let him hurt you again. be happy for the people that DID love and support you growing up, and cherish times with them instead. you've been hurt too many times and have given of yourself too much. no child deserves to be hurt by a parent like that, ever.
2007-07-19 23:46:24 · answer #4 · answered by kbt76 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my father and mother have never been in my life they have come around but as i got older i just relized i was pretty like begin to b there mother and father. i wanted them to b around so bad but then i jus got a lot of friends and i had a child of my own and i started seein things clearer. i started wanting to b a better dad then mine ever was and i have a 2 yr old daughter and she looks up 2 me more than anything and its the most wonderful feelin seein how sshe always come to me, somethin i never had.instead of me getting my money stolen from my parents i am one and i get my daughter everything she needs and wants. i know somethin u have been through can hurt really bad. but jus know that u have a baby know and she will look up to u can i believe it can make u be a better parent.jus give them somethin u never have. if u have real close friends it helps 2 get it off ur chest about how u feel. probably with ur relationship partner that will help.it helped me.
2007-07-20 00:21:40 · answer #5 · answered by timbo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL, I think your dad and mine must have been twins separated at birth. Seriously though, I know exactly how you feel. I decided not to accept any more apologies, tears or promises from him. I could talk to him forever, and hes never gonna change. I had to realize he wasn't ready to be a daddy then and he never will be. I also had to tell myself, this has nothing to do with me. I used to blame myself a lot when I was younger, but no more. Let me know if you need a sympathetic "ear". Good luck.
2007-07-19 23:40:15 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This has nothing to do with you, or your value as a person.
You father just has a big problem with commitment.
You will never have a proper father/daughter relationship.
Better you tell him to stop bothering you, next time.
You needed him when you were little, you don't now.
2007-07-19 23:04:32 · answer #7 · answered by Robert S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, my daughter went through this. It's time to tell him goodbye but that's not my decision, that's yours. He will NEVER be the father you want him to be. so, as my daughter did, move on with your life and never let your child suffer the way you did.
God Bless
2007-07-19 23:02:35 · answer #8 · answered by Cyndi E 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hi don;t worry Lord Jesus Christ (if you have heard His name, Jesus is the Lord of all who knows yoru heart) will take care for you and its my prayer. you take care of yourself. God bless you.....
2007-07-20 10:46:15 · answer #9 · answered by Prem 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋