how do you get over your brother dieing?

Question

how after 5 years of my brother being killed i cant seem to get over it? its been over 5 years and it feels like yesterday...why is that?

he was killed by a drunk driver and he had 2 kids that i droped out of school to help take care of... its so hard to look his baby girl in the eyes cause she has his eyes and i just break down when i see her... but thanks everyone for ur help

Answer 1

My eldest son died 2 years ago and he left a younger brother and sister. It does feel like yesterday and always will, because we don't want to let go of him. But you have to move on. We did in different ways. My daughter and I talk about him everyday but it took a long time for my husband and son to talk about him. My son still thinks it should have been him but he is finally starting to accept that was his brothers time not his. I think we never get over the death of a child or sibling. I think the main thing is to accept that this has happened and once you accept that nothing you could have done would have changed their death you can then start to move on with your life. They will always be part of you life but after they die they leave you with lots of memories that you can enjoy and thank that you had with them. We celebrate my son's life on his birthday by letting ballons go! We rememeber him on his anniversary but try to do that in each of our own individual ways. I like to watch the sunrise at the beach, my husband goes to his special place where our son used to check the surf. My son has a surf for his brother and my daughter visits the place at the beach where we scattered his ashes. I think you also have to laugh and smile knowing that our love ones walk beside us everyday. We can talk to them. They know how we feel. Be kind to yourself and live your life to the fullest because that is what he would want. Live you life for him.

Answer 2

memory is something that many have.

Why would you seek to forget your brother? The more you think about your brother the more you will preserve the memory.

Neurologically speaking IMO the more you think about a thing or those things assosiated - for instance the house you grew up in, your parents other siblings, a food he liked, anything that triggers that neural network will work that area of relations and reestablish the hierarchy. So you remember your brother because you assosiate with triggers of your brothers memory.

Spiritually speaking your brother is still very much around. You may join comprehended communication at some point in the future again.. the physical is absent but the mind is still there.

If you are trying to forget him change your environment, change your thought process etc..

I still remember the people I use to hang out with and it's been quite a long time since hanging out with them.

Answer 3

1. you may never "get over it".
2. try to remember the good times.
3. make a small memorial such as a scrap book that you can look at when you want to think of the good times
4. make a donation in his name to his favorite charity.
5. say a prayer for him.
6. visit with some of his old friends

BTW my brother was killed 33 years ago. I am not over it. But the hurt does lessen with time.

Answer 4

I lost my brother 36 years ago. I was only 15 and it was awful. I think everybody grieves differently and takes different amounts of time. There is no right or wrong or formula for grieving.
As far as my brother goes, I was sort of ok after 7 years, but even now, sometimes I dream of him and then wake up and I still can't believe that he's gone. He was a great brother!

Answer 5

Maybe it'smemories that keep coming up that bring that tragic moment back. Maybe it's the sound of car garage opening that meant your brother was visiting, and that noise brings back bad memories, but you will never get over it,
and there will always be a part of you that will think beyond hope that he'll come through a door smiling and saying how
he had just pulled the best practical joke ever.

Answer 6

Probably because you loved him and there's nothing wrong with that. Try to remember the good times. You are an opportunity for your brother to live forever. My mom died several years ago and I think about her every day. I used to be angry and very sad, but now I smile and think of all the GREAT times we had together like flying down the highway in the middle of the night in her new car. We were pressing all the buttons trying to figure out what they did and accidentally turning the headlights off. It was pretty scary at first, but we laughed our butts off about it later. Thinking about moments like that keep my mother's spirit alive, they keep a smile on my face and make me happy that I was able to share the time that I had with her. Good luck.

Answer 7

Grieving process is the most of many things to heal in life, their is no expiry date on grief. You will always remember your brother. Lost my mom 2 yrs ago, and everyday I still wake up in disbelief but it get's better. You could also seek out a grief counsellor or find a grief group on line. Talk to friends and family members about your thoughts, and even talk to your brother. I do this sometimes when no one is around-seem's wierd I know. I believe they are in a happy place and feel nothing but happiness all the time, it is us who suffer on earth their demise, but they would want us to be happy and enjoy our lives. Good luck.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for your loss. I think it's natural to always miss a close loved one who has passed on. But if you are worried about yourself, you might want to get some help from an ecclesiastical leader and/or a mental health professional, who can guide you through the grieving process. Best wishes.

Answer 9

Dear Ashley....getting over the death of a loved one is probably one of life's greatest challenges. The fact is that you can never "get over it". Please go on the web and look under Walter Dudley Cavert. He wrote something called "Dragonfly" and it is about what comes after death. I lost a loved one and the only time I ever found any solace or comfort was when I would read this piece. best wishes

Answer 10

Sweetheart, you don't "get over it". Sorry to have to tell you that, but it's the truth. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I do know how you feel. I watched my dad pass away 5 years ago. I was 12.

I know it hurts, and it will hurt, probably for the rest of your life. But fill yourself with memories of the good times you had together, and know that he is always with you in your heart, sharing all your experiences. That's how I think about it. My dad is alive in my heart. He is always with me, watching me, cheering me on, and is so proud of me.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Message me if you want to talk, OK?
Blessed be, sweetheart.