Have you ever had a problem with a school not helping your child?

Question

I'd say a teacher, but it seems I have a problem with the school. Both with K-1st grade, they requested to hold my daughter behind. Yet she wasn't failing and we had no clue of any real issued untill the end of the year.
I had to request her to be tested for a learning disorder and an Individual Education Plan! When I first brought it up, I was told "lets hold her back and if she is still doing bad....then we'll test her".
Her father and I decided to let her continue to 2nd grade with now having an IEP plan. It just really makes me think poorly of the school when on almost the last day, when discussing the testing results and an IEP plan. I have everyone against my daughter going to the 2nd grade? Telling me she is young for her age?
When I feel they let her down by not addressing these issues much earlier on, and more agressively!

Answer 1

I had the same problem with my son. I ended up having to ask for a 504 plan. That means they have to by law come up with an IEP stat. They kept pushing off testing my son, but when I requested that lo and behold he was testing the next week. It must not look good for a parent to have to request that. You can't do much about the past but I would be very diligent about attending the IEP meetings and following progress to make sure they are doing for your daughter the things they should.

Answer 2

As a teacher I can attest to the fact that your problem is probably with the school and not the teacher, although there are always some.

I taught kindergarten this year in the inner city and we were give the stated ultimatium that we were not to fail any children. So i sent on to first grade students who did not know all there letters and numbers and students who were not ready.

You are right that for some reason many schools seem to want to push students though sooner and hold them back later which is completely illogical in my perspective.

If you have have a request for an IEP meeting or an IEP review you need to submit it in writing to the principal, vice principal and IEP team and make sure to date it and sign it. Once you have submitted a request in writing the school has either 60 or 90 days to comply with your request or they are in violation of state and federal laws and you can file a grievance.

Hopefully the school or the teacher would let you know about any problems but some school districts, such as the city where I work, use the Stanford 10 as the measure for whether a students passess or fails first or second grade. I had a very good student fail the Stanford, who we appealed and I had some marginal students fail whom we held back. Some marginal students also passed. Personally I don't think standarized test should be used as a pass/fail indicator but I have my own issues with standardized tests.

It is very probable that in some way the school has failed you. Schools do it alot, though not on purpose all the time. They are large institutions, made up of people who are liable to make mistakes sometimes. I made my share of mine.

What I would ask a parent to do is to think of their child and their ability and their frustration level. If you think your child is capable of completing second grade without becoming frustrated because things are too difficult, or if frustration is a tool for her then by all means, send her on. If you think that she could use another year and that it would help her to become more confident and a better student then hold her back. It's better to retain earlier than later.

There is nothing more frustrating as a teacher, than wanting to hold back a student because you genuinely want to help them and the parent is against it. It doesn't mean that your child is stupid or anything, it may mean that they learn differently. I am not saying this is your case, just stating a perspective.

In the end, you are your daughter's best advocate. What parents don't realize is that a school will listen to them first, even if a teacher has said the same thing. You need to decide based on your daughter and her ultimate education and well being what is best. Because in the end she is your child and looking at all the information you are the most capable to decide what's best.

Answer 3

I had the same thing happen to one of mine at about that grade. All they told me and it showed was that he was weak in reading - During that school year I asked he be put in a reading class, they agreed and reassured me that would do the trick. The end of the school year I was furious when they told me this.. IEP testing began and sure enough, with his weak reading created him to go weak in science, social studies and even math. Then it was time to ask the school - what the hell happened? So with this I heard the same thing, small for the age all of the above. So I held him back so he can catch up. He's now beginning the 6th grade and still in IEP. He has his help and is improving each year. He's now a half a grade behind rather than being in first grade with preschool reading. I find the help has helped but I don't think he would be where he is IF the teacher and the school didn't fail him. He's in a different school district now. BUT We are happy with it. I was told during the last IEP meeting that he may go another year and will not need IEP anymore. So with all this I can say I understand.

Answer 4

I agree with you. Kudos for you for letting her continue to the second grade and getting her on an IEP plan. I had a crazy situation occur with my child this year as well. My child needs to be challenged. A few of the teachers kept writing her up as a behavioral problem, they would tell me "well she does her work, but when she is done she disrupts the class". Well OK she was wrong , but on the other hand, what the hell does the teacher mean when she is done. It means that the teacher did not have a plan for early finishers. She was teaching every child to a cookie cutter lesson, not ensuring my child was meeting her full potential. Meaning , my child was not learning as much as she should have learned and was becoming bored. So the solution, was to punish my child. Then the teachers told me that they had met and had decided to put her in another class away from all her friends, then she would not disrupt any of her classes. This was confusing, she is popular she has a lot of friends, how could they find a class to isolate her from her Friends? After some investigation, I discovered they had placed her in the advanced classes, where she continued making all A's. That is the class she should have been in from the beginning. They had misplaced my child and they were telling me they were now putting her in this class as a punishment for her behavior, when trulty they were just placing her where she should have been from the begging. Whenever I asked, if they had advanced classes they told me there were no advanced classes - each class was taught on the same level. The class was a little secret they were hiding with all the highly intelligent kids in the class. I just saw it as God stepping in and fixing the problem.

Answer 5

I'm sorry this happened, but I actually hear about this kind of thing happening all the time. It sounds like your daughter's problem was found relatively early if she's only in 2nd grade -- sometimes kids make it all the way into high school with situations like this!

As in many situations in life, unfortunately, in public schools the squeaky wheel often gets the grease. This doesn't mean that you should be irritating, but you can definitely be involved in your child's education. For example, you could provide the teacher with progress forms for your child and ask the teacher to fill them out and send them home every day or every week. More communication between you and your daughter's teachers will help you to be sure that the course you're on now is a good one and you should be able to get more immediate feedback when a problem arises. Teachers are professionals and most of them are really in it to help children, so they usually don't mind working with parents who treat them with respect.

As far as your daughter's educational needs, you may choose to have her evaluated by an independent psychologist who specializes in evaluating children for learning disabilities, etc. This professional can find out the full psychological picture for your child (i.e. whether she has learning disorders or social delays, etc.) as well as make recommendations for the best ways to help her with learning.

If you believe that your daughter has already fallen behind where she should be, you can get some intervention for that as well with appropriate tutoring. I have worked for Sylvan Learning Center for a long time and I can recommend their curriculum. Sylvan can also test your daughter in different school subjects and tell you whether she is on expected grade level or not. Of course you can also help your daughter a lot at home by reading to/with her, helping her with homework and so forth.

Best wishes for a happy and successful future for you and your child.

Answer 6

I had the same problem with my oldest, they didn't want to test her, she was in the 1st grade at the time and they said she was too young to be tested. I kept on them and they tested her, she was well above average in every thing but reading. And that was really her own problem in school, she wasn't reading at grade level. If I hadn't have made them test her, they would have held her back. In the end their programs still were not helping her, and anything I tried at home was helping, but still not getting her to where she needed to be. So I pulled them out of public schools and am home schooling now, and she has caught up.

Answer 7

I think you're right for having her tested for learning disabilities and agree that the school should have been more communicative with you earlier on. You might also want to look into testing for ADHD?

However, if BOTH the kindergarten and first grade teachers saw a maturity issue, they might be on to something. Remember that we just see our kids individually and don't have a non-biased opinion of them. The teacher sees them in comparison to 20 other kids all day long. I'd try not to get defensive and ask for specifics about why they think your daughter should not be promoted to the next grade. Just saying "she's not failing" doesn't seem reason to move her on. "Not failing" isn't really "good" is it? You want her to thrive.

Answer 8

Tsk. the school are getting worse and worse. It might just have been that school. Or even that teacher. If the same thing happens again, tell them you're not going to hold her back, but you demand testing.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

yes the exact same situation as the first poster but in my case i decided to move my son into another school where they were willing to work with him and he did soooooooo much better