well, maybe not all of them, but i already have my bridesmaids and he said that i need to add his sister as well. i like her an all, but i don't want her in the wedding. im already putter her daughter in as a 2nd flower girl. he keeps saying, that its his wedding too...but its my choice who i ask to be a bridesmaid...right?
i don't want to ask her cause i don't want her in it...her child is in the wedding. i didn't really want her in it either because she is 4 and out of control. im afraid she will yell or scream at people as she walks down the aisl ...or start to cry...
i told him that she will help me with what i need help on...but he wants his WHOLE family to have a part in some way...i just want to get married, i don't want all this stress...they can help if they wish..its just my fiance...he thinks he has the final word in this wedding...its mine too and if i don't want her in it, that should be my choice, right?
am i in the wrong here??
2007-07-19 13:02:30 · 23 answers · asked by *+*+baby dust*+*+ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
okay, back up and breath. involving your WHOLE family in a wedding, his or yours, is BADDDDDDDDDDD! the more people involved, the more drama there is.
now, are your brothers groomsmen? if they are, i would consider a sister. but traditional you are in charge of your bridesmaids. if you have enough sisters/cousins/friends, then tell him they can do something else, a reading or song.
it is always nice to include some future sisters in a wedding, it keeps the peace and helps everyone to bond more. but if you are being FORCED to select them, it is forced bonding and that is not a good thing.
p.s. it is both your wedding, but really, most women do all the planning. :P
2007-07-19 13:06:48 · answer #1 · answered by Christina V 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first boyfriends family was bat crazy like this, the whole lot of them. I was far too young to think about marriage or anything, but the first crazy argument with his mother should have been my big red warning flag. He was actually really nice (a little too nice) the first year and a half we were together, but his family was nuts from the start. And once he knew he "had" me, he turned into the most vicious, abusive, sadistic sonofab**** you could ever meet. Unless this guys sister has a history of substance abuse or mental problems that are prompting her behavior, RUN! Consider the fact the sister is a crazy, abusive liar, the mother BLAMES you for "destroying her family", he believed his family over you that you were cheating with absolutely no proof..... This doesn't sound like just a crazy sister, this sounds like a family problem. Predatory men have a way of waiting a good long time and earning your love and trust before showing their true colors when it's more difficult for you to leave. The apple doesn't fall to far from the tree, and this sounds like a family full of bad apples.....
2016-05-17 22:29:36 · answer #2 · answered by kesha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it's both your weddings so either come to an agreement.. say if you have her as a bridesmaid he has to have someone you choose as a groomsmen.. or alternatively she could be still part of the wedding but on the grooms side.. perhaps a ring bearer or something!! or perhaps if there is space sit her on the top table so she feels part of the wedding.. you could ask her to make a speech.. there's no saying that she even wants to be your bridesmaid and it might just be your finance thinking this.. ultimately though it is your choice..
2007-07-20 03:29:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you want you new sister in law to have a part in your wedding? Seems like an odd way of starting out a marriage & life together. Yes, the ceremony is about the couple, but ~ it is also about the blending of two families.
It is understandable for you to not want his *entire* family to have a role in the wedding, but siblings are different. If she is his only sister, what is the harm?
My fiance doesn't have a sister ~ but his bro's wife is going to be one of my bridesmaids. We aren't close ~ in fact, I only see her during holidays and I would RATHER have just my friends/family ~ but I asked my fiance to include my brothers as groomsmen, so it is only fair for him to have a person stand up for him on my side.
Over the years, I have been MOH twice, and a bridesmaid once ~ I would love to include ALL of these women in my bridal party, but have to not include one of them in order to make room for my new sis-in-law. I explained to my friend, and she was more than understanding ~ told me to leave her out in favor of my fiance's sis-in-law, since she will be family now.
Sorry, but I do think you are wrong here. Most wedding options are 100% up to you & your fiance, but there needs to be a little give & take in the selection of the wedding party. Family obligations need to be filled first, then make room for friends. Otherwise, you are just being selfish. Remember, this isn't just *your* wedding ~ there is another person involved whose opinion counts just as much as yours does.
2007-07-19 14:13:13 · answer #4 · answered by vanilmil 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Oh no, I feel really badly that you have to be in this situation. First of all, your soon to be husband does not seem very understanding, flexible or caring (about your feelings). He should be more worried about how you are feeling rather than who will be offended in his family if they are not part of the wedding party. They are your bridesmaids, and you should chose who you like to be a part of it. He can chose who he wants for his guys, but I think he should leave you alone. This wedding is about the two of you coming together to be a couple for ever and to share a life together. Everyone else needs to put their needs on the side for this day. You should talk to him, and be very firm about what you want for your wedding. You obviously need to reach a compromise on certain things, but your bridesmaids are not it. I think you have to be strong; if you let him walk all over you now, what's going to happen when you are married. Is it always going to be his way? I am getting married myself in a few weeks, so I have had some experience bargaining with my fiancee as well. From my experience if you know what you want, are open about it, and very firm when you speak to him (but don't get mad, and do not start yelling or crying) things should work out in your favor. Also it never hurts to explain to him the reasons for what you want. A good explanation may give him something he can relate to. And in the end if he won't get it, then you have to put your foot down, and say that you just won't have her. Nobody can force you to do that. Good luck, it will be wonderful!
2007-07-19 14:08:40 · answer #5 · answered by Alizee 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You MUST have his sister as a bridesmaid. The attendants are for BOTH of you - if you had a brother the right age, you would surely want him as a groomsman in the wedding!
Time to learn and practice the fine art of compromise - you'll need it LOTS once you start your married life!
2007-07-20 02:36:26 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong. His sister should be in it. I am assuming that you don't have a brother who wasn't asked to be in the wedding. If you did you would see it differently. I had to have my husband's sister in our wedding and realize 10 years later that it was the smart thing to do. Let's face it, these friends of yours may be around 1 year from now but chances are that 25 years from now they won't be. Your sister in law, whether you are close to her or not, will be in your life forever. You have to think about the future as well as the past when planning a wedding.
2007-07-19 15:14:49 · answer #7 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ok stop right now. This is not his whole family's wedding. This is YOUR wedding. You cannot have every single person alive in the wedding, its not possible and there's no reason why you should do it. You need to sit down with your man and talk to him because you don't want to wait until 4 or 5 months before the wedding and then you're ready to get violent. Sit him down and explain to him that there can't be all these people in the wedding, its your wedding, not the circus, because that's what its going to become when you put all of those people in it.
As a back up though, if you do decide to put everyone in it, make them pay for all their own stuff, or make his family pay for all the stuff.
2007-07-19 13:14:49 · answer #8 · answered by lil'bit 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I wouldn't say that you are wrong, you are entitled to choose who you wish, BUT you also need to be fair and consider your future husbands feelings.
As previously stated if any of your brothers or sisters are involved then his sister should be too.
Another option is having her do a reading, or if your husband wants her in the wedding she can be one of his attendents and stand on his side.
Since her daughter is in the wedding, you may be able to use that as an excuse because who best to control her then her own mother, but if she is busy being a bridesmaid she won't be able to do that will she.
Anyway try not to stress out, but you may have to compromise on some things and unfortunatly we don't pick our family so hang in there!
2007-07-19 13:14:14 · answer #9 · answered by Reba 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It is your choice but it is better to have peace then to have stress and fighting. Be glad you like his family. I was to get married the end of THIS july. But my exfiance's family broke us up. So be glad he comes from a good family.
Having another bridesmaid wont hurt you. It means more people helping to pay for your shower and she has to pay for her dress and shoes.
Make sure any close male cousins, nephews, or brothers are also in HIS groomsmen party.
adding 1 sister isnt a big deal. You do not have to make her maid of honor, just another bridesmaid. You will make him happy and have peace. And you are getting a sister. Just do it. It wont hurt you to add her. Especially if you like her!
2007-07-19 19:31:48 · answer #10 · answered by Educated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋