my 3 year old keeps running down the street help????

Question

she does not listen at all and she sneaks through the front door when her 8 yr old brother goes out and runs halfway down the street which is busy and there is no sidewalks I have spanked did timeouts and both I dont know what to do and today we went to dairy queen to get ice cream and when we were done we were going out to the car and I had my 1 1/2 yr olds hand and was trying to catch her and she got away and ran own main street luckily on the sidewalk but then she almost ran in front of a city bus and this is a big road it is a 4 lane road going 45 mph I spanked her butt 3 times (which I dont normally do because I dont like spanking ) and she laughed at me Please help I dont know what to do anymore I am afraid she is going to get hit by a car

okay for all the people against the ice cream it was a one time thing I dont take them out all the time they were being good and I had money and we hadnt been out for ice cream in like a year

Answer 1

Stop spanking. It hasn;t worked and it won't work. It will just make her angrier and more difficult to control.

The one thing that stuck out is that you took her for ice cream. An unruly child like that should not have sweets. In my opinion, no 3 year old should have ice cream. If you do feel like your toddlers should have treats, they should only be a reward for good hehavior.

You need a reliable and consistent consequwnce and do it every time. Do not give her rewards (like ice cream or anything else) until she is under control

Answer 2

Too bad we didn't hear about this earlier, because my son (17) got hit by a car a few months ago. Ambulances, hospitals, brain surgery, the whole 9 yards. Maybe she needs a taste of the real thing, she's not taking this seriously.

Does your car have locks? The kind that keep children in? You need to use those and let 8 yr old take care of the baby. You let 3 yo out yourself and secure her however you need to. Handcuffs?

In your house, you need to make sure every door has a lock that is too high for her to reach.

This is a clear attempt for attention. You probably are giving her her fair share, but she doesn't think so.

I'd spank her with something that hurts, like a flyswatter on the back of her knees, and I'd spank her until she was in tears. I don't like spanking either, but if it's a safety issue I spanked every time.

Have you googled the net for some type of safety harness that a 3 yo can't get off? I've never heard of a kid who needed one more.

I wish you all the grace of God. I know you need it!

Debbie
TX Mom

P.S. Ice cream for the kids is fine. But it is a privilege to be earned by good behavior. Running off is not good behavior. Maybe if she has to stay home with Dad while you and the kids go to Dairy Queen?

I can't believe how judgmental people can be. No sugar? I'm sorry, I'm pissed with that lady. No sugar. I have an ADD kid and no sugar ever set off any symptoms. Food coloring was more likely, or pollens in the air. But not sugar!

Answer 3

They will have you fill out a behavior questionnaire. They will talk with you first about your concerns. This will give her some time to get comfortable. There will be toys for her to play with. They will observe her play. They will play with her, and ask her some questions. They will probably try to get her to draw something. Most likely you will come away with some kind of diagnosis, that may change. It will be a catch all type dx like anxiety, depression, bipolar, autistic spectrum disorder ect. They will most likely try a medication, especially if she exhibits any sib's. (self-injurious behavior). They will have her see a therapist and will schedule this. They will have her follow up with the psychologist or psychiatrist. Actually it is reasurring that she is being triggered by the lack of a father. They may suggest that you go into therapy as well for your wellbeing dealing with her in crisis and on handling her father. It will be ok, this crisis will get under control and it won't last. The eval won't say its nothing. I have never seen a RTC residential treatment center recommended for a 3 year old. In extreme cases I have seen a 3 year old on an emergency inpatient committment due to unsafe behaviors, but this is a really short stay and is unlikely this would be recommended. Good Luck

Answer 4

This is tough one! First some people make it sound like its a crime to spank...it isn't! There is a very big, dark line between abuse and discipline, I was spanked as a child and it didn't hurt me and it don't hurt my girls either! I would first buy a kid leash for public, I used to think they were so cruel before I had kids. Now I thank God for the person who thought of them!
Get your son to help by making sure that the door is latched and put a lock high on the door so that she can't get out. Have him tell you when he leaves so that you can make sure its shut and locked.
Maybe try taking away her toys or movie/tv time. Find something that she absolutely loves and the next time she tries to run off, take it away from her. I know my 3 yr old knows what grounding is, I threaten her with that when she acts out at the grocery store!

Answer 5

I'd have a safety talk with big brother about going throught the door. Put those safety-squeezie knobs on the doors.
A three year old is capable of understanding 'hurt', 'owie' etc., find a way to relay to her the cars are a danger. You know your child best for what words, ways and such will be easier for her to pick up. Spend some considerable time and effort doing this. It worked for my autistic son. He is now 16 and very safety minded.
You can back it up with a child harness for now. Yes everyone out there, that's what I said. A kid leash. A controversial subject it is. But in some cases it is necessary. Who would rather hear of a terrible tragedy than just a painless temporary restraint.

Answer 6

stop spanking, it's not working.
I don't think explaining what can happen 'being hit by a car' will help too much since she is only 3. it's too big of a concept for her to understand.
Try the reward system. my son was a runner. in our house we had to put chain locks on all the doors and nobody could leave the house without letting me know. When my oldest(I have 4) would want to leave, she would come get me, I would walk to the door with me son while she was leaving and I would say to my son,
"I need you to stay here with mommy" then give him his reward for staying put. it's the same when out walking in public. you might want to start this when it's just the two of you together. even if just in the yard. say "I need you to walk next to mommy" and when she does give her her reward and praise her for doing well. (sweet words go farther than a spanking)
when she does run don't scold her for it(I know it sounds crazy but) retrieve her and say something like "when you run away, it makes mommy sad" and nothing else.
some of her running may be attention seeking from you, so make sure you give her special time once a day.

Answer 7

Until she is able to be more compliant and start listening to you, safety is the issue. When you are out, she needs to be either in a stroller, or in a harness. I know, I know, everyone screams they're like leashes, but as you can see, when you're holding a one year old its very difficult to catch a three year old, and they were invented for this reason, and to keep your child safe.

As for your home, if the only way she gets out is sneaking past your 8 year old, you need to tell your 8 year old to tell you when he is leaving the house, and have him wait until you have your three year old holding your hand before he goes. Then she can't get out. If she is getting out on her own, you need to childproof all doors leading to the outside - the best way is to get deadbolts that require keys to unlock, and hide the keys.

Good luck, i had a bolter and I used the harness or stroller technique. He's now four and FINALLY has stopped that nonsense. I hope it helps!!

Answer 8

Sorry to sound harsh, but it's the hot stove syndrome. No matter how much you tell your kid not to touch a stove because it's hot, they'll always have to experience it for themselves before they learn. I disagree with anyone who puts a leash on their kid, because the kid will never learn anything other than resentment, plus it shows you really don't know how to control your kid. It's also possible you're feeding your kids too much sugar, and their energy level is causing an attention deficit. Hate to say it, but maybe your kid needs to feel the sting of the consequences before she learns. There are certain children who, for whatever reason, are simply incorrigible, and no amount of spanking, time-outs (which DON'T work), or discipline will work for them. I wouldn't be surprised if, someday, she winds up being the one who is always in trouble at school, and later as an adult, is a criminal.
One of the ways my mom cured me of certain behavior was to take me to Juvenile Hall, the County jail for kids. Your child is a bit young now, but if this behavior continues beyond the age of five, take her there and let her sit in a cell for a night or two. It might be the only way to "Scare her straight."

Answer 9

Put a lock really high on the door so the 8 yr old has to ask to go out, that way you will be ready to go out with the little one or stop her. Also if the 8 yr old lets her out without you knowing then he should be punished.

Answer 10

ok, not to be rude, but it is really hard to respect someone who is hitting you. I would install a lock high up on your doors and you should be in charge of letting all of your children outside. Also, when you are all out together, put the three year old in a stroller and explain to her that until she is ready to listen to you and stay by your side, this will be how she has to enjoy her outdoor time. Also, your 8 year old is old enough to help you out. Maybe he can be in charge of holding her hand while you are tending to the baby.