why are there only 24 hrs in a day, how did the calender become?, why is humpty dumpty an egg?,?

Question

who were jack and jill(fraternal twins, sis/bro, husband/wife---or 2 sick perverts who were into pails of water)-is santa really satan?---who is this great pumpkin?, were some of the fairy tale characters--really FAIRIES?(gay or lesbian)---why only gingerbread men, what?, no other cookies?, sexist batch I am sure, the easter bunny hiding eggs-bunnies do not lay eggs?!---where are HECKYL and JECKYL?---and lets not forget about how the CARTOON NETWORK is keeping SPEEDY GONZALEZ toons from us!!!!----bring me back QUISP and QUAKE cereals----we all know the 3 little pigs were stupid so how did they ever get those houses made?----bring back real tv shows and not the $hit that is on now! the time is now for all of us to have JETSON type flying machines and robots maids. I just love MAD MAGAZINE. DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND ME?

Answer 1

How did the calender become?

January is named after Janus, the Greek god of beginnings.
February is named after the Roman word februum, which meant purification, because they would purify themselves for a week during this month.
March is named after Mars, the Roman god of war, because winter and spring are in constant battle during that month.
April is named after Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love.
May is named after Maia, the Greek goddess of fertility.
June is named after Juno, the Greek queen of the gods.
July and August are named after Julius Ceaser and Ceaser Augustus (his successor, what, you don't watch Rome on HBO?). Those assholes were so full of themselves, they took a ten-month calender and turned it into a twelve-month calender because each one demanded a month be created in their honor so they could have immortality.
September has the prefix septi which is latin for seven (See July and August above)
October has the prefix octi which is latin.......(oh come on, you know darn well an octopus has 8 legs).
November .............. you guessed it, nine
December .................. do I need to tell you?

There was a South Park episode explaining the whole Easter Bunny thing (I know that's not the real reason, but that episode was funny).

As for Speedy Gonzalez, there's been a crack-down on some cartoons (not kidding) to eliminate all political incorrectness. Warner Brothers felt that Speedy and his friends, like Slowpoke Rodriguez, were insults to the Hispanic population. They didn't even have Speedy in Space Jam or Back in Action.

Personal flying machines for everyone will never happen for several reasons:
We've invested too much money into the paved highways across America, which would become obsolete.
Several hundred fender-benders and minor accidents happen every day with no loss of life. If these accidents were to happen at 30,000 feet above the ground, fatalities would skyrocket (no pun intended).

Yes, I love Mad magazine, too.

Hope this helps................now get a woman.

Answer 2

im only answering one question. 24 hours was picked cause it was easiest to cut in half, thirds, and quarter days